I will get to it.
WHEN IT IS TIME...
“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of the mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” -James Allen
I have made a point of wanting to be left to myself in these wild ramblings of mine. Though I never anticipated my injury and the subsequent afflictions that comes with it, I am still glad for being able to set and chart a course that would inevitably set me in my “here and now”. One of the reasons, perhaps it is the ONLY reason, as it is, it is the only one that matters, “Choose men upon whom you can rely,” is from one of my “Rules To Live By”, and when I actually began this journey over a decade ago, the person that I chose to rely upon was myself.
Whenever anyone says “myself” I wonder if they are aware that “myself” always come with a caveat. One of the reasons that I feel a bit guilty when I don’t have the time to read blogs is that my readers, past and present, have accounted for a great deal of my reaching this point, certainly from where I was first found, stuck in the muck of a dead-end relationship and diagnosis of a brain injury. To me, it was an unfortunate but very necessary part of the process through which I have arrived “here” in space/time and metaphysically.
Because I knew the value of peace of mind, I had made that my priority all along. This trip was never about meeting someone who I had known only through “ones and zeroes”, but to reach the path to my understanding and personal enlightenment, along with a sense of self-fulfillment. As grand as that previous sentence may have sound, it is not meant to be arrogant, but said with humility, as all I want is to find my place in existence. I don’t know if I am or had been meant to “do” anything... I do know that I have been diligent in my attempt to “be” something. Many people are trying to do with no regard to what they are becoming as they do the things that they do. They observe their own universe and believe all that they perceive is all that there is. And the major flaw with that thinking is that even with the KNOWN universe, there is still more that we don’t know. So it remains that someone who can only “know” the things that they see, even if they know all within their vision, still does not know as much as they could, were they not convinced of the universe being all that they can see.
WHEN IT IS TIME TO LEAVE
Before I left Detroit in 2010, I made sure that I had made myself as comfortable as I possibly could given my circumstance. Leaving for Omaha was no different for moving to my own apartment somewhere in the city, in principle. Nearly everything that I could have done to make myself comfortable was accomplished... as it were, the notice that a unit was available for me in Omaha came ahead of my schedule. The one question that remained was, “Do you really want to leave?”
In answering that question in the stillness and relative quiet of the night, I would then find myself transported from the couch where I slept while staying with my Dad and I would go soaring deep within myself. My chest would expand with every breath, and my “inner skies” would fill with dots of light, stardust, and hope. The sensation of seeing things for the first time, new and buzzing with unfamiliarity would call out to me.
As much as I have done this “by myself”, the way that life actually works, pushing and constantly urging growth and movement forward, it has also brought people into my life to help me pick up the things that I could, and bring them with me to what lies ahead. It is in that reflection that I feel so thankful for the connections that I have made here, and I do hope that they will continue. I promise to maintain my “end of the bargain”, by pushing myself to be what I am set out to be.
With my boxing instruction catching on, I need to get a personal trainers certification if I am going to train in the Club where I work, and certainly if I am going to use members as my clientele. And while the current budget for the year does not show where I can manage the Carolina Girl’s this summer and get a certification, I will manage to do both and go to school. What is the worst thing that could happen?
Not getting too far from my point, where I was at upon leaving the Motor was little different from where I was when I landed at Eppley Airfield in October 2010. What was different was the stirring in my soul when I disembarked the plane. I have to tell you not only did I feel the difference from that moment, but that I still have “instances of amazement” when I am walking the streets or riding from place to place, because while I am aware of my intention, there is no history with any of my destinations. Omaha is still “all new” to me. With getting my certification, I will be again taking another step in remaking my life. And one day, soon, I too, will be all new.
Looking back on the shedding of the tethers that held me to the city of my birth, I not only feel the light of a bright sun that has yet to fully rise on the horizon, the love for and love felt for all those whom, and the things I would leave behind, I set forth. For the dawn awaits and it is/was time for me to leave and catch hold of the tail of life as it pulled me to new adventures and new lives, and through the intersection of where the past, the present and the future meets to become now.