Thursday, March 21, 2013



Today’s vocabulary word is “perspective”.  Things are always subject to relativity, and this post will be an example of what I mean.  Because I am “on a mission”, and much of the difficulty I am experiencing has been anticipated, the fact that things do get a bit chippy at times is a part of the growth in my renewal.  It is not easy to remake an entire life and those who have already done so, remade their lives, would readily attest to that opinion.

I have never understood the importance that people tend to put on their own sense of self and identify their condition as unique.  The body of human existence contains very little that is exceptional to where their situation is a singularity.  But then, I think Schopenhauer nails it when he said "If we were not all so excessively interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it."  Egoism and self-interest moves so many in ways large and small, obvious and in things of such minor effects that they can be initially overlooked, but the both of them give evidence to fatal flaws of character.

Personally, I feel that once a person in the best mind available to them at the time of their decision, makes a choice, that they inherit whatever consequences that comes in the wake of that choice.  No blaming of the thought process, no blaming of the outside actors or cursing of the fates.  “You bought it, you own it.”  The only person that can make you do something is “you”.

When I had my “dark night of the soul” recently, and I found myself on the edge of my own dark wood, I went through the appropriate protocols and made it through.  Could I have taken other measures to have alleviated my state?  Sure, but then some of them could have possibly opened doors which would have led me to places that in my best mind, I would have never wished to have opened.  So, thinking from that state of consciousness, I found my way through to the other side, which was the goal all along.  After all, no one is really interested in my well-being but me... my life is so boring that even walls of my apartment sigh with boredom and the windows look out disinterestedly at the traffic below when I am home...

Alright, enough with the preamble.  On with the show.


You are aware, dear reader, that I believe the quotes and aphorisms that I use in my journal and that I incorporate them in my life whenever possible?  You do know that, right??  If there was  any single reason that I wanted to be to myself again, it is that whatever level of success I have had as an adult, it was done on my own.  Living in Carolina, Green Acres and Plymouth back in the Metro, I was single and enjoying it.  Not quite “loving” things, because while I was in Plymouth was when the feelings for Tee Jay manifested themselves, and I was wondering what had happened between us.  I was employed in a company adjacent to the Big Three, and I was still boxing.  Eh, given that I was facing problems that were only problems in the first world, I had no problem with where I was at.  Tee Jay and my love for her was still a big factor as it spun me to provincial towns in Michigan and the D.C. Metroplex before I finally landed here in Omaha.

My reasoning for putting Omaha on my bucket list is as quirky as it comes and I have shared that story before and again.  Since I am here, I have finally been able to live in an environment controlled and dominated by positive thoughts, living in an atmosphere where “problems with solutions aren’t problems”.  That though is not of an utopian, or theological philosophy, but it is something that I have believed all my life.  So you can prolly blame my Mom for either installing or awaking that belief in my spirit!!  From “there are children starving on the East Side (and then taking food and extra clothes to them) of the Motor, to being told that this was indeed, “the land of opportunity, the home of the free and the brave”, along with “ can grow up to be President!” and seeing that happen in my lifetime, an African-American becoming the leader of the free world when I prolly should have been en route to the Oval Office myself...

In short, either through or likely a combination of, DNA and environment, I am a person who solves for things based on the “most positive result” from any particular point.  If I leave an open frame in my first up when bowling, then I expect to roll a 280-something game!  For instance, I KNOW that I am not alone in having to do some belt-tightening.  Somehow I have to deal with unforeseen added expenses that impact on priority spending.  But I will manage to “make things happen”, because my problems all have a solution.  What I need is to find the DISCIPLINE to adhere to those solutions.

That is no secret.  It is the key for pretty much everyone who aspires to something, and that has no bearing on how you apply that discipline, but it is important in determining if you reach your goal or not.  And again, not judging on how worthwhile your goal is, even should you fail to reach your stated goal, there will be lessons that if learned and interpreted, will serve you well in your further travels and adventures.  A lot of what I live by is based on “common sense”, that is, the knowledge is available to all and in “common areas” because this one life is something that we all have in common with one another, so if I “know something” it won’t be because I am the only one who knows it!  Too often though, that is a part of a person’s bias when confronted by an idea that they are unfamiliar with.


When the “Nebraska Concept” actually considered Nebraska as a direct actor in the actualization of the concept, part of what I had thought about was my eventual decline and would I have a quality of life where I would still be able to assert my own individual character and independence.  That was something that I had to anticipate with my injury.  It came up because of the test I took in my Intermediate Algebra class.  While I am hoping for a “C”, I would not at all be surprised that I crashed and burned on the test.

Before we get started on a “solution”, let me first addressed the problem that I hinted at in the previous paragraph.  I had studied and I had prepared for the test.  Just an hour before, I was in the Math Lab going over the formulas that I would use on the test.  When it was time to execute, it felt as though my “browsing history” had been deleted!  I answered all of the questions to the best of my ability, completed my test and with a smile, I turned it in at the administration desk.  It was one of the more sobering experiences since i had my award hearing with the SSA.

I took the bus from school downtown as I thought about what had happened at the testing center.  In the hour it took me to get to my apartment, I had went through the Kubler-Ross model of grief and was thinking about what I was going to do about it when I walked through my door.  And let’s just say that “actions will be implemented” and that will be that with that.

There is too much to look forward to being for me to feel distraught over “one test”.  I have told myself that I will have to score no lower than a 93% on my tests from here on out.  And THAT will be THAT with THAT.

A lot of people make the shadows in their lives seem more fearsome than they actually are by embellishing the description of what is before them.  I know what I am dealing with and it does not intimidate me.  More the glory to me for facing down and overcoming my challenge, wouldn't you think?

I do.


SweetAngelAsh17 said...

Obviously discipline is my issue in all areas of my life...

Beth said...

Absolutely. And you have enough self-discipline that you will be able to accomplish what you want. Sheer will and determination counts for plenty!