PRELUDE:
Watching the Texas - Nebraska game was tension filled viewing. Texas was on paper the far superior team. But the game was played between kids on a field and not simulated in a computer lab.
The Huskers were huge underdogs, a curb to be cleared before the inevitable national championship game. Nebraska has a great defense but as good as they are on that side of the ball, the offense can be as ineffective. And against Texas' top flight defensive team, they didn't generate too much of any offense. Then, neither did Texas offense do too much.
As Nebraska's defense rose to the occasion, with its best player (superlative defensive tackle Ndamakong Suh) doing what a team's best player is supposed to do, they nearly pulled off the amazing upset. My heart went out as they saw their hopes go up in a puff of smoke, there but not really there. There was that one second left for the game winning field goal and for a hard fought victory to be snatched away from the underdogs.
I didn't watch the conclusion, having gotten sleepy in the third quarter... but I think I knew what was going to happen because I have had that situation play out in my life enough to know how it would end.
LIVING THROUGH THIS
Let me tell you that to do that is as painful as it sounds. I know that I have had to do that enough in my life, whether it was losing a spelling bee, misplacing tickets to a big concert, or maybe losing the biggest fight of your life and knowing that you won't ever get THAT opportunity again... eh, there are other disappointments in my life that I have had to take full credit for and that I have had to go on and live thru.
Then there are some ... I know that I stress with my journal that I believe in accepting responsibility for my failings. But there are some things that I do wonder 'what if'.
The SFC knows how difficult it has been for me in these long two months. Will it get any better? Who knows??
We've talked about things and we've reached a point of conclusion. As a couple, we make better friends. Sure there were other things that got in the way of us getting together other than not wanting the 'bathroom set next to the kitchen', and they aren't anyone's business but ours. So there will be no details as to what they are OR what they may be.
Now what I have got to focus on, is finding out how I can get myself to where I want to be.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
WASN'T THAT SPECIAL??
Brittani Louise Taylor came by and left a comment!! That was super cool. That to me, is the kind of celebrity that I can appreciate fully. She is a nice young lady and if she can turn some coin by sharing her love and zest for living, so be it. I am happy and root for her to 'do that thang, girl'!
THREE MEN APPROACH A SPACESHIP
Trying not to sound crotchety, but why do people act all 'new' when something happens? Tiger Woods... the White House crashers... reality television, all the attention seeking and spin control has only been happenning since Cain figured the best way to get his props was to lose his brother.
Watching the 1953 edition of 'War of The World', one of the reasons that is given by one of the rubes who approached the alien craft, is 'we'll be in all the papers'. Now perhaps there is more intensity with people trying to get their slice of fame and fortune, but the problem isn't new or unique to this time. That it has reached to the level of security breach at the White House is indicative at how collectively we respect any institution or the extent at which we will reach for fame.
The pressure of keeping up with inflated egos and spurred on by celebrity that people have came to being who they are (Paris Hilton ... really ..?), not for any accomplishment, leads to this kind of behavior. But I won't believe that it is new and unheard of.
LESS THAN GOOD DAY
Because it is strange talking about some of the different things that I deal with, I don't. For instance, this week I had a bout of migraine, that kept me from dealing with the lights. My right eye dialated for no external reason.
Riding in a car and having stuff go by bothers me as well, but not as bad as it once did. Some days are days where I want to get up and go out, but I don't. If I knew why, then I would try not to let that happen.
Today is one of those days. I had wanted to go and get my haircut. But my eyes 'want' to dialate and open up. They haven't gotten to that point where everything is like a flash from a camera, but it is at the level where your eyes adjust from the dark going to the light. Only when things seem to go to normal, I blink and it starts up again. Good thing I know how to type and I don't have to hunt and peck!!
Normally, if I exercise stuff like that doesn't happen, but I did go out and lift weights this morning... I made double sure to take my meds, so the only other thing I can do is sit here with the lights off and hope things level out. I still want to try and get out, so mayhaps I will in a few hours.
Since I am 'dealing' almost as much as I am 'living', my thoughts are more into a 'Tribe Called Quest' kind of mode ... wondering where it is that I left my wallet.
Hope everyone have a great weekend!
Brittani Louise Taylor came by and left a comment!! That was super cool. That to me, is the kind of celebrity that I can appreciate fully. She is a nice young lady and if she can turn some coin by sharing her love and zest for living, so be it. I am happy and root for her to 'do that thang, girl'!
THREE MEN APPROACH A SPACESHIP
Trying not to sound crotchety, but why do people act all 'new' when something happens? Tiger Woods... the White House crashers... reality television, all the attention seeking and spin control has only been happenning since Cain figured the best way to get his props was to lose his brother.
Watching the 1953 edition of 'War of The World', one of the reasons that is given by one of the rubes who approached the alien craft, is 'we'll be in all the papers'. Now perhaps there is more intensity with people trying to get their slice of fame and fortune, but the problem isn't new or unique to this time. That it has reached to the level of security breach at the White House is indicative at how collectively we respect any institution or the extent at which we will reach for fame.
The pressure of keeping up with inflated egos and spurred on by celebrity that people have came to being who they are (Paris Hilton ... really ..?), not for any accomplishment, leads to this kind of behavior. But I won't believe that it is new and unheard of.
LESS THAN GOOD DAY
Because it is strange talking about some of the different things that I deal with, I don't. For instance, this week I had a bout of migraine, that kept me from dealing with the lights. My right eye dialated for no external reason.
Riding in a car and having stuff go by bothers me as well, but not as bad as it once did. Some days are days where I want to get up and go out, but I don't. If I knew why, then I would try not to let that happen.
Today is one of those days. I had wanted to go and get my haircut. But my eyes 'want' to dialate and open up. They haven't gotten to that point where everything is like a flash from a camera, but it is at the level where your eyes adjust from the dark going to the light. Only when things seem to go to normal, I blink and it starts up again. Good thing I know how to type and I don't have to hunt and peck!!
Normally, if I exercise stuff like that doesn't happen, but I did go out and lift weights this morning... I made double sure to take my meds, so the only other thing I can do is sit here with the lights off and hope things level out. I still want to try and get out, so mayhaps I will in a few hours.
Since I am 'dealing' almost as much as I am 'living', my thoughts are more into a 'Tribe Called Quest' kind of mode ... wondering where it is that I left my wallet.
Hope everyone have a great weekend!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
AND I HAVE BEEN THERE TOO ..!
SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT DETROIT!
And I think that the folks in this little video accomplished that quite nicely! It is weird that there is a 'Fiesta movement', because one of my You Tube subscriptions did a Fiesta Movement a little time back, and I thought it was something that she just made up!! Her name is Brittani Louise Taylor and you can check her videos out here. She is funny and has a really neat vibe. She recently did a tour of her hometown. She is from Sedona, Arizona and I thought about Myra watching her show her town off.
Arizona is a place that I have always liked for two main reasons. When my Mom first started her physical decline, her doctor would tell her she needed to move to a warm, dry climate like Arizona. Then, I liked it because it meant I wouldn't have to shovel snow anymore!
Fought there a few times, once nearly randomly stayed there. I figured I could have bought a car and slept in it until I found my bearings. I have always liked to think that I can catch on just about anywhere, particularly if I like the place.
On Monday I have my first appointment with a job counselor. I don't know what kind of work is available ... I have always thought that there is hiring after the holidays, when companies figure out their budget and how much growth they expect to have. But sitting around is a no go.
TIGER WOODS
While it is not on the level of importance of other things, say the President's speech on Afghan strategy, the story has gotten a lot of attention. Is it deserved?
In this case, yes it is. His drag-ass statement that he has finally released says a lot of stuff that is true. One of the first things that I thought when he finally got around to addressing the subject of his incident, is that he finally got a story to tell. A story, but not the truth. Not to the public, anyway. Or his wife.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.
You know what ... I will give him that. But for the 'all he does is hit a ball with a stick' stuff, I do think that you forefit some privacy when you trade your skills openly as he does for profit. 'Role model'? Charles Barkley killed the role model part of being a sports icon years ago. This isn't to say that he was wrong about it, but ever since, what is it that atheletic icons represent?
I have a problem with people selling their personal lines based on a facade of being a person that they know that they aren't. Barry Sanders, in his quiet excellence still was a false bill of goods (said he was saving himself for marriage but had a child out of wedlock). But it didn't matter to me because he wasn't out with his face and likeness promoting half the world and earning millions doing it.
Why did Tiger do what he did? Skanks are coming out of the proverbial 'Woods-work' if you will, with tales of their skirmishes with Elton Woods. And the experts are salivating at their chances to speak on the whys and wherefores he did what is alledged and how men are this and the power and opportunity is that (and I can't say that that 'this and that' ISN'T related in this case, cause this time they may be!) and how the anguish felt by the wife and children are ...
... sorry, that stuff is so much 'yadda, yadda, yadda' to me. What I wonder is, could it be part of the conspiracy to divert our attention from somewhere? Because while we never should have gone to Iraq and should have tracked down Bin Laden while he was in sight, the operation in Afghanistan is frought with trouble and danger. That would be what is first on my mind.
Then there is the Mike Huckabee 'Willie Horton' case. Maurice Clemmons was granted clemency by the then Arkansas govenor in 1999. Now, as much 'tea reading' that I do in my own personal life, I am not going to slam Gov. Huckabee for letting his faith help him make his decisions.
Where I am going to flag him, is that it should not be the first or a primary factor in making a decision. I left a comment with the 'believe in God but lock your doors' line, because I don't think that faith is meant to be the only thing we use in making choices in life. It is but a component of the process.
I would rather there be more intense debate about religion and its role in making policy that everyone has to live with. That is a good digression from the President's address. Something that for an alternative, would result in real ideas being explored.
Anywho, it is dreary and chilly outside. Monday is when I go to another someone to talk about getting set up for finding job. If I knew my way around, I would venture off on my own to another site. There aren't any sidewalks on Route 1, and with the amount of traffic going by, not the best way for me to get around.
Pieces!!
And I think that the folks in this little video accomplished that quite nicely! It is weird that there is a 'Fiesta movement', because one of my You Tube subscriptions did a Fiesta Movement a little time back, and I thought it was something that she just made up!! Her name is Brittani Louise Taylor and you can check her videos out here. She is funny and has a really neat vibe. She recently did a tour of her hometown. She is from Sedona, Arizona and I thought about Myra watching her show her town off.
Arizona is a place that I have always liked for two main reasons. When my Mom first started her physical decline, her doctor would tell her she needed to move to a warm, dry climate like Arizona. Then, I liked it because it meant I wouldn't have to shovel snow anymore!
Fought there a few times, once nearly randomly stayed there. I figured I could have bought a car and slept in it until I found my bearings. I have always liked to think that I can catch on just about anywhere, particularly if I like the place.
On Monday I have my first appointment with a job counselor. I don't know what kind of work is available ... I have always thought that there is hiring after the holidays, when companies figure out their budget and how much growth they expect to have. But sitting around is a no go.
TIGER WOODS
While it is not on the level of importance of other things, say the President's speech on Afghan strategy, the story has gotten a lot of attention. Is it deserved?
In this case, yes it is. His drag-ass statement that he has finally released says a lot of stuff that is true. One of the first things that I thought when he finally got around to addressing the subject of his incident, is that he finally got a story to tell. A story, but not the truth. Not to the public, anyway. Or his wife.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.
You know what ... I will give him that. But for the 'all he does is hit a ball with a stick' stuff, I do think that you forefit some privacy when you trade your skills openly as he does for profit. 'Role model'? Charles Barkley killed the role model part of being a sports icon years ago. This isn't to say that he was wrong about it, but ever since, what is it that atheletic icons represent?
I have a problem with people selling their personal lines based on a facade of being a person that they know that they aren't. Barry Sanders, in his quiet excellence still was a false bill of goods (said he was saving himself for marriage but had a child out of wedlock). But it didn't matter to me because he wasn't out with his face and likeness promoting half the world and earning millions doing it.
Why did Tiger do what he did? Skanks are coming out of the proverbial 'Woods-work' if you will, with tales of their skirmishes with Elton Woods. And the experts are salivating at their chances to speak on the whys and wherefores he did what is alledged and how men are this and the power and opportunity is that (and I can't say that that 'this and that' ISN'T related in this case, cause this time they may be!) and how the anguish felt by the wife and children are ...
... sorry, that stuff is so much 'yadda, yadda, yadda' to me. What I wonder is, could it be part of the conspiracy to divert our attention from somewhere? Because while we never should have gone to Iraq and should have tracked down Bin Laden while he was in sight, the operation in Afghanistan is frought with trouble and danger. That would be what is first on my mind.
Then there is the Mike Huckabee 'Willie Horton' case. Maurice Clemmons was granted clemency by the then Arkansas govenor in 1999. Now, as much 'tea reading' that I do in my own personal life, I am not going to slam Gov. Huckabee for letting his faith help him make his decisions.
Where I am going to flag him, is that it should not be the first or a primary factor in making a decision. I left a comment with the 'believe in God but lock your doors' line, because I don't think that faith is meant to be the only thing we use in making choices in life. It is but a component of the process.
I would rather there be more intense debate about religion and its role in making policy that everyone has to live with. That is a good digression from the President's address. Something that for an alternative, would result in real ideas being explored.
Anywho, it is dreary and chilly outside. Monday is when I go to another someone to talk about getting set up for finding job. If I knew my way around, I would venture off on my own to another site. There aren't any sidewalks on Route 1, and with the amount of traffic going by, not the best way for me to get around.
Pieces!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS BY NOW ...
... I do enjoy a good laugh. It doesn't matter what kind of humor it is, if it is funny, it is funny. Stuff can walk on the edges of nearly any kind of '-ism' and if it makes me giggle, I giggle. Audience of one, and if that one is me, then tell me why should I care if you think the comedian unfairly insults some indigenous tribe somewhere.
YES, EVERYONE DOES KNOW
Read that Beth did a QOTSA song on her 'Rock Band' thingy. I wonder if it was 'Everybody Knows That You're Insane', from their 'Lullabies to Paralyze' album. I remember seeing them perform on 'SNL'. They did that song and two song set made me wonder why I was sleepin' on them, because they tore up the stage!! Then I remembered, I was in 'the provencial town I jogged 'round' with the Mooks.
I put a lot of 'Mark stuff' on the shelf while I was with them, struggling with the then unknown about me and whatever little attitude that existed in that latitude. The other song that they performed 'In My Head' sorta summed up what was happening, all the stuff that was 'in my head' was just that. Nothing was real, and as it does most anyone (cause y'all better not act like you don't know what it is like to be with someone who has checked out of the relationship on you), coming to terms that I had put myself in the situation that I was in, was next to the most important thing I did while there. The MOST important thing, was to do something about it.
CHARLIE KNEW IT
Charlie Weiss was relieved from his duties at Notre Dame. What it is that he 'knew' was the environment. It is hard to coach at Notre Dame. Not a big enough fan to know about the intracies of the culture there, but I can't imagine that it is any different than Michigan football, Carolina basketball, and Montreal Canadian hockey.
Anywho, it sometimes IS about the environment whether you inherited it as the next coach of the Irish will, or create it as Bobby Bowden did at Florida State, you had better know it. It isn't like not knowing what you are getting into is an excuse.
If I was meant on my journey down my 'memory lane' to rediscover a possible relationship with my ex-wife, then destiny would have to be damned. I wasn't going to go there. When we sat down to talk, I recall fighting two things ... whatever you want to call it, her 'intimidation factor'. I resented that I still had those old feelings coming back, proving that time can heal and mend things, but not totally remove the scars.
The other thing I recall fighting is, her memory. She could not quite remember all the crap she did that helped contribute to our fail. She may have asked herself 'what could have been', had I been a better husband. My thing to her was, did she ever wonder what could have happened if she had been a better wife?
I mean, it wasn't that there wasn't a buzz about my prospects as a fighter. Had been a good fighter before her and was still a good boxer. Did she ever 'maybe baby' about that? How many times did she ask herself, 'Dag, Mark was decent with his hands ... if I had supported him the way I could have, maybe we'd had a better marriage'? Maybe have been rich and famous and we have been on an episode of 'Real Housewives of Detroit'?'
But I never did. What happened between us, happened. Have to accept the consequences, and not worry about her. It is about me, and that is what counts.
And that is what counts.
... I do enjoy a good laugh. It doesn't matter what kind of humor it is, if it is funny, it is funny. Stuff can walk on the edges of nearly any kind of '-ism' and if it makes me giggle, I giggle. Audience of one, and if that one is me, then tell me why should I care if you think the comedian unfairly insults some indigenous tribe somewhere.
YES, EVERYONE DOES KNOW
Read that Beth did a QOTSA song on her 'Rock Band' thingy. I wonder if it was 'Everybody Knows That You're Insane', from their 'Lullabies to Paralyze' album. I remember seeing them perform on 'SNL'. They did that song and two song set made me wonder why I was sleepin' on them, because they tore up the stage!! Then I remembered, I was in 'the provencial town I jogged 'round' with the Mooks.
I put a lot of 'Mark stuff' on the shelf while I was with them, struggling with the then unknown about me and whatever little attitude that existed in that latitude. The other song that they performed 'In My Head' sorta summed up what was happening, all the stuff that was 'in my head' was just that. Nothing was real, and as it does most anyone (cause y'all better not act like you don't know what it is like to be with someone who has checked out of the relationship on you), coming to terms that I had put myself in the situation that I was in, was next to the most important thing I did while there. The MOST important thing, was to do something about it.
CHARLIE KNEW IT
Charlie Weiss was relieved from his duties at Notre Dame. What it is that he 'knew' was the environment. It is hard to coach at Notre Dame. Not a big enough fan to know about the intracies of the culture there, but I can't imagine that it is any different than Michigan football, Carolina basketball, and Montreal Canadian hockey.
Anywho, it sometimes IS about the environment whether you inherited it as the next coach of the Irish will, or create it as Bobby Bowden did at Florida State, you had better know it. It isn't like not knowing what you are getting into is an excuse.
If I was meant on my journey down my 'memory lane' to rediscover a possible relationship with my ex-wife, then destiny would have to be damned. I wasn't going to go there. When we sat down to talk, I recall fighting two things ... whatever you want to call it, her 'intimidation factor'. I resented that I still had those old feelings coming back, proving that time can heal and mend things, but not totally remove the scars.
The other thing I recall fighting is, her memory. She could not quite remember all the crap she did that helped contribute to our fail. She may have asked herself 'what could have been', had I been a better husband. My thing to her was, did she ever wonder what could have happened if she had been a better wife?
I mean, it wasn't that there wasn't a buzz about my prospects as a fighter. Had been a good fighter before her and was still a good boxer. Did she ever 'maybe baby' about that? How many times did she ask herself, 'Dag, Mark was decent with his hands ... if I had supported him the way I could have, maybe we'd had a better marriage'? Maybe have been rich and famous and we have been on an episode of 'Real Housewives of Detroit'?'
But I never did. What happened between us, happened. Have to accept the consequences, and not worry about her. It is about me, and that is what counts.
And that is what counts.
Monday, November 30, 2009
HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED THE HOLIDAY!
It was a nice, calm one in these parts. Didn't do too much of anything, which can be a good thing. I have always been one that has felt that the appreciation of not having a hectic holiday gets a short shrift.
Haven't been bothering with the news too much, as I have had to try to concentrate and deal with my inner 'James at 16' and work my way out of whatever I am in.
YOU DO IT
I want everyone who have left 'can do comments', to know that I do appreciate their words. I do take them to heart and reflect upon them when I face different challenges. But man, I am tired, tired, tired.
There hasn't been too much of 'when it's gonna happen for me', talk from me. More than once, I have had the chance make my life happen. Each time that I want to feel down about how things have ended up, I can't escape what decision I made that made the difference.
For someone who has been so irresponsible, I feel the weight of being responsible for a lot of stuff. And some of it, perhaps I shouldn't have to carry that weight. Yet when it comes to saying, 'because of ...', the words catch in my throat.
Had I simply done what I felt that I should have done ... sorry, if I am talking in circles, but it feels like I am 'driving straight' to me. 'Keeping my eyes on the road' is a personal issue that I hoped to avoid. For some odd reason, I don't think that I have always kept myself 'first' in my life.
Figuring out where I wanted to go from the 'provencial town I jogged 'round' to getting out west took a lot of time and effort. To me, it wasn't random. It was a with a purpose.
I don't think I will revisit this subject until I know what I am going to do.
It was a nice, calm one in these parts. Didn't do too much of anything, which can be a good thing. I have always been one that has felt that the appreciation of not having a hectic holiday gets a short shrift.
Haven't been bothering with the news too much, as I have had to try to concentrate and deal with my inner 'James at 16' and work my way out of whatever I am in.
YOU DO IT
I want everyone who have left 'can do comments', to know that I do appreciate their words. I do take them to heart and reflect upon them when I face different challenges. But man, I am tired, tired, tired.
There hasn't been too much of 'when it's gonna happen for me', talk from me. More than once, I have had the chance make my life happen. Each time that I want to feel down about how things have ended up, I can't escape what decision I made that made the difference.
For someone who has been so irresponsible, I feel the weight of being responsible for a lot of stuff. And some of it, perhaps I shouldn't have to carry that weight. Yet when it comes to saying, 'because of ...', the words catch in my throat.
Had I simply done what I felt that I should have done ... sorry, if I am talking in circles, but it feels like I am 'driving straight' to me. 'Keeping my eyes on the road' is a personal issue that I hoped to avoid. For some odd reason, I don't think that I have always kept myself 'first' in my life.
Figuring out where I wanted to go from the 'provencial town I jogged 'round' to getting out west took a lot of time and effort. To me, it wasn't random. It was a with a purpose.
I don't think I will revisit this subject until I know what I am going to do.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I HAVEN'T SPOKE ABOUT IT ENOUGH
The SFC has been totally and completely wonderful to be around. All the running around and loose threads that have been dangling about and getting snagged, she has been rightthere getting them untangled. She has been as the kids once used to say, 'all that and a bag o' chips!'
Since we met right out of high school, the ideal of wishing that all my friends, in our case from our old unit, could see us applies quite accurately. I keep imagining that there would be a lot of jealous cats eyeballing me... but at the same time, it would be like an open secret being confirmed, everyone seeing us together.
EXPLOSIONS
The other day I was doing some 'excavating' on a blog, you know, digging up on entries that have been old and gone for a few days and came upon this one by Huckadoll. It was very noticeable for me because she mentions a song and a band... and now that most of y'all have been briefed on my association of life and music, when I saw that she was speaking on 'The Birth And Death Of The Day', her entry had my rapt attention.
Bands like this and Mogwai (there are a couple of others who are escaping me at this moment) are called 'post rock', which is another one of the added descriptions to dillute people from coming together and bringing their enjoyment of something good together. Cause see, I am thinking if you can dig the band Spiritualized, then you could find something here with 'Explosions', just as I make the jump from Prodigy to Cinematic Orchestra. It is all good, and I do mean that it is all good.
Reading her entry, what this song represents to her stood out most of all:
"...it’s all about Explosions in the Sky ‘Birth and Death of a Day‘ – which I believe is the most inspiring musical creation in the history of music … oh my GOD, this song and video are so good that my mind wants to explode in pleasure after I do something wild like grow wings and fly around the world sprinkling golden fairy dust while kissing millions of cheeks and delivering taser shots of love … it’s seriously so inspiring and gorgeous … a reminder of why I’m alive … to experience beautiful things like this."
Because as true as it is for her and for me as well, there is something else in it that makes it appropriate for 'other things' in my mind. I think that it begins with the different types of footage that the music is set to. For her, the song is set to the wonderful clips from the movie 'Koyaansqatsi'.
For me, mine is a piece of concert footage from a EITS show in Seattle that the person who shot the film describes as 'epic'. Because as beautiful as the song is, and as much as it makes my spirit want to ascend to the heavens and into space, it also makes me feel other things.
Watching the band play and seeing how agonized they are creating such sonic pleasure, reminds me of how much effort and work goes into making something come true. And how disappointing it can be when after all that effort, you fall short of your mark. I think the boys in the band meant it like that ... otherwise they wouldn't have titled it 'The Birth And Death of the Day'.
SEE, IT'S THE 'DEATH' PART
I am not a morbid cat nor a negative one, either. Knowing what it is you are up against and still being willing to face it, is some kind of a sign of character. What kind, I am not sure. Sorta want to say it is a good sign though.
To me, that you have to deal with the 'death' of things so that you can enjoy the 'birth' allows one to endure those things that make them stare blankly into space and wonder what is happening. For instance when my boxing career 'died', I was comfortable with what happened. Gave a good whack at it and it didn't happen. I know there were things that 'could have been, should have been', that made a difference. Yet I couldn't bring myself to put any more than that to them, because of the common denominator in all of them - me.
AND I KNOW THAT, MAN!
There have been moments that are indelible in my mind that haven't been forgotten and have had a major impact on my life. And finally, I have come to a point where I have to enact 'imperial thinking' and make decsions based on what I ultimately think is best, no matter what.
Making excuses for what happened that didn't go my way, the things that I want to say that I didn't deserve to have happen to me, is something that I decided as a young adult NOT to do. Otherwise, I could NOT have dealt with things that did happen to me, that immaturity and inexperience didn't have me prepared for.
But when I was kid and didn't know better, I do think I was entitled to all the hopes and dreams that I had. And I didn't have too bad a childhood and even admit that I could have prolly been a better son. Failing at that, I did have enough to set my sights on becoming a better man, though I didn't have any idea of what a better man was.
What everything adds up to for me is, I actually never asked myself 'what if'. Never had reason to, because I moved on and kept getting opportunities to be something. So what is the 'death of the day' really about?
It makes me feel a bit down, not having an answer for that. The song to me sounds like the 'raging against the light', the line made immortal by Dylan Thomas. Maybe that is what it is about. But when I think of people who 'rage against the dying of the light', I think about cats like 'the old man in the club' or a wanna-be cougar in her epically pathetic prowl for a young cat.
Me, I prefer Frost's 'Road' and being able to take a path where few have attempted to walk. That 'raging' stuff is good for short bursts, but not over an extended period.
Perhaps I am making myself overwrought over ... nah, I am not. This is for real and not going anywhere.
The SFC has been totally and completely wonderful to be around. All the running around and loose threads that have been dangling about and getting snagged, she has been rightthere getting them untangled. She has been as the kids once used to say, 'all that and a bag o' chips!'
Since we met right out of high school, the ideal of wishing that all my friends, in our case from our old unit, could see us applies quite accurately. I keep imagining that there would be a lot of jealous cats eyeballing me... but at the same time, it would be like an open secret being confirmed, everyone seeing us together.
EXPLOSIONS
The other day I was doing some 'excavating' on a blog, you know, digging up on entries that have been old and gone for a few days and came upon this one by Huckadoll. It was very noticeable for me because she mentions a song and a band... and now that most of y'all have been briefed on my association of life and music, when I saw that she was speaking on 'The Birth And Death Of The Day', her entry had my rapt attention.
Bands like this and Mogwai (there are a couple of others who are escaping me at this moment) are called 'post rock', which is another one of the added descriptions to dillute people from coming together and bringing their enjoyment of something good together. Cause see, I am thinking if you can dig the band Spiritualized, then you could find something here with 'Explosions', just as I make the jump from Prodigy to Cinematic Orchestra. It is all good, and I do mean that it is all good.
Reading her entry, what this song represents to her stood out most of all:
"...it’s all about Explosions in the Sky ‘Birth and Death of a Day‘ – which I believe is the most inspiring musical creation in the history of music … oh my GOD, this song and video are so good that my mind wants to explode in pleasure after I do something wild like grow wings and fly around the world sprinkling golden fairy dust while kissing millions of cheeks and delivering taser shots of love … it’s seriously so inspiring and gorgeous … a reminder of why I’m alive … to experience beautiful things like this."
Because as true as it is for her and for me as well, there is something else in it that makes it appropriate for 'other things' in my mind. I think that it begins with the different types of footage that the music is set to. For her, the song is set to the wonderful clips from the movie 'Koyaansqatsi'.
For me, mine is a piece of concert footage from a EITS show in Seattle that the person who shot the film describes as 'epic'. Because as beautiful as the song is, and as much as it makes my spirit want to ascend to the heavens and into space, it also makes me feel other things.
Watching the band play and seeing how agonized they are creating such sonic pleasure, reminds me of how much effort and work goes into making something come true. And how disappointing it can be when after all that effort, you fall short of your mark. I think the boys in the band meant it like that ... otherwise they wouldn't have titled it 'The Birth And Death of the Day'.
SEE, IT'S THE 'DEATH' PART
I am not a morbid cat nor a negative one, either. Knowing what it is you are up against and still being willing to face it, is some kind of a sign of character. What kind, I am not sure. Sorta want to say it is a good sign though.
To me, that you have to deal with the 'death' of things so that you can enjoy the 'birth' allows one to endure those things that make them stare blankly into space and wonder what is happening. For instance when my boxing career 'died', I was comfortable with what happened. Gave a good whack at it and it didn't happen. I know there were things that 'could have been, should have been', that made a difference. Yet I couldn't bring myself to put any more than that to them, because of the common denominator in all of them - me.
AND I KNOW THAT, MAN!
There have been moments that are indelible in my mind that haven't been forgotten and have had a major impact on my life. And finally, I have come to a point where I have to enact 'imperial thinking' and make decsions based on what I ultimately think is best, no matter what.
Making excuses for what happened that didn't go my way, the things that I want to say that I didn't deserve to have happen to me, is something that I decided as a young adult NOT to do. Otherwise, I could NOT have dealt with things that did happen to me, that immaturity and inexperience didn't have me prepared for.
But when I was kid and didn't know better, I do think I was entitled to all the hopes and dreams that I had. And I didn't have too bad a childhood and even admit that I could have prolly been a better son. Failing at that, I did have enough to set my sights on becoming a better man, though I didn't have any idea of what a better man was.
What everything adds up to for me is, I actually never asked myself 'what if'. Never had reason to, because I moved on and kept getting opportunities to be something. So what is the 'death of the day' really about?
It makes me feel a bit down, not having an answer for that. The song to me sounds like the 'raging against the light', the line made immortal by Dylan Thomas. Maybe that is what it is about. But when I think of people who 'rage against the dying of the light', I think about cats like 'the old man in the club' or a wanna-be cougar in her epically pathetic prowl for a young cat.
Me, I prefer Frost's 'Road' and being able to take a path where few have attempted to walk. That 'raging' stuff is good for short bursts, but not over an extended period.
Perhaps I am making myself overwrought over ... nah, I am not. This is for real and not going anywhere.
Monday, November 23, 2009
IN A MOOD
WAS GOING IN ANOTHER DIRECTION
Trying to think of a 'happy place' while I stumble around one of the more difficult to navigate places I have ever been ... not like I didn't know that already, before I arrived. It is harder than I thought. Harder than I anticipated as well as a few surprises that are not only unexpected but WAY more complex that I could have ever imagined anything as to being.
Recalling my boxing experiences usually makes me smile, even when I think of the fights that I lost. But I don't feel like wondering about what happened when I was up here and in Baltimore, even though I had a neater time in Charm City than I did ... anyway, so I stopped thinking about that stuff.
I can't find the words to describe what I am feeling right now. Sure there are things that I am 'supposed' to do, and I will get to them before my day is done. Today is a work out day and I plan on doing an entry about what my workout consists of, soon.
But this is what I've talked about earlier, when I mentioned getting up and going out. I have my directions and bus schedules, so I shouldn't have any problems with getting to where I want to go. Yet when I tell myself to get up and walk out the door ...
The SFC is wonderful and I do love her very much. Getting in bed with her is a treat. I still see her as I did when we were stationed together and think of her as the same 'it girl' that she was when we were working together.
There isn't a whole lot more to say. And I am not in the position of letting my troubles overwhelm me to the point of saying 'why me?' and to continue to wish them away. Have do something to get somewhere ... anywhere. So I am heading out the door.
Trying to think of a 'happy place' while I stumble around one of the more difficult to navigate places I have ever been ... not like I didn't know that already, before I arrived. It is harder than I thought. Harder than I anticipated as well as a few surprises that are not only unexpected but WAY more complex that I could have ever imagined anything as to being.
Recalling my boxing experiences usually makes me smile, even when I think of the fights that I lost. But I don't feel like wondering about what happened when I was up here and in Baltimore, even though I had a neater time in Charm City than I did ... anyway, so I stopped thinking about that stuff.
I can't find the words to describe what I am feeling right now. Sure there are things that I am 'supposed' to do, and I will get to them before my day is done. Today is a work out day and I plan on doing an entry about what my workout consists of, soon.
But this is what I've talked about earlier, when I mentioned getting up and going out. I have my directions and bus schedules, so I shouldn't have any problems with getting to where I want to go. Yet when I tell myself to get up and walk out the door ...
The SFC is wonderful and I do love her very much. Getting in bed with her is a treat. I still see her as I did when we were stationed together and think of her as the same 'it girl' that she was when we were working together.
There isn't a whole lot more to say. And I am not in the position of letting my troubles overwhelm me to the point of saying 'why me?' and to continue to wish them away. Have do something to get somewhere ... anywhere. So I am heading out the door.
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