ADVENTURES IN PSYCHOTROPIA
One of the things that I should mention is that my
anti-depressant script was increased to what I would consider a full dose,
since my last one was for “half the amount that I normally prescribe”, said my
MD. Fine… meanwhile I was walking around
with my metaphorical hooded sweatshirt on, considering all kind of dark
ideas. Anywho, I think I am finally
coming around to breathing again. One
way that I could tell was the indescribable joy that I felt when I was riding
on my NEW BIKE (oh, that is SOME story there!!)
approaching my apartment building.
The feeling, the sensation of “newness” has not worn off of
Omaha for me and I am the “I can’t believe I am doing this”, has not yet left
me. There is still so much out here for
me to go see and do, and I do believe that I have two little boys to tag along
with me, as well as an adoring Princess, as well. Things could be better, but,
they could be A LOT worse.
With the election going the way that it did, I think I will
have about 4 years to get my degree… which is going to be a tight window. But, if I can stay with Pinnacle and get back
into school, I will graduate into a promotion.
Can’t beat that with a stick, if you ask me!
As far as a friendship between Nebraska
and I… see, I know how important friends are to a person’s well-being and
quality of life. And there are times
where I wonder what it would be like to call on someone for a favor or to even
help out, and just to sit around and “have a beer with”, so to speak. Well, that is not going to happen with us,
and not because of anything other than us being two different types of people
and whose personalities are not going to mesh.
While I do have plenty of leeway regarding my speech (anyone who bothers to look at what I share on Face Book can
vouch for that!) something that I thought was innocently said was taken
in an unintended manner. No “this or
that” (after all, they are not related) to why
the misinterpretation took place, just that it was a sign that we are not ready
for “our friendship” to commence, and if not now then when will we be?
Last weekend was one where “the days of my nights blurred
into the nights of my days”. First, I
was not sure if Princess was going to make the Christmas party that the parent
company was holding at the facility. I
was still going to do my bad Karaoke of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, but it
would have been sort of a dud if she was not there. Friday night at the fitness center, we
experienced several power outages and would eventually close the club early,
but it was not so early that Doug, my Mountain Bike, was stolen from in front
of the club!!
I am into anthropomorphizing my bicycles, believing that
they perform better if they have a “a character” to perform to. From being my “horses” to now human
characteristics, Doug was more than a conveyance to me, he was as much a friend
as an inanimate object can be to a person.
After Trixe (the bike that I had
from my days with the Mooks) was totaled out, I saw Doug a few months
later, after I had enrolled at Metro. I
knew that I was not going to want to be bothered waiting on the bus, so I went
a picked him up for a song. As a
mountain bike, he was always an uncomfortable fit for me and for town riding,
but he never seemed to mind. Wherever I
needed to go, he was there for me, even after I got Madison (my Trek road bike) and her petulant self!! Doug took me to West Omaha during the summer
and made countless trips to the grocery store for me, even as his pedals were
cracking underneath my heavy use. He did
not seem to mind that I would question whether or not I should keep him, as
every time I needed him, he was there, reliable and dependable. I never thought that anyone would take him,
given his “looks”, but you just don’t know… I think that there is an element
that is preying on the club, but I will take that to management. But man, it hurt my feelings, because Doug (or “Dougie” as he was affectionately called) meant thesame to me as “Wilson” did to Chuck Noland.
I will get another bike… but I will never replace Doug…
Saturday came and went… Princess made the party and
unbeknownst to me, had called my supervisor earlier, intending on surprising me
by showing up. The super told her about
the rough night that I had, especially with losing Doug, so she decided to surprise
me by picking me up from Pinnacle when I got off. She was going to pick up my pant (100% wool, nabbed at ½ price!!) from the department
store anywho, and that is when she told me she was “in”. Went to the party, met some people and made
polite conversation… did my song, which because I actually DON’T LIKE IT, I did
poorly. The DJ had not configured the
projection so I could see it, though they did get it right for everyone else!! Anywho,
mission accomplished!!
Later, I asked Princess if she realized how many “milestone
moments” we have had, and that this was another one of them. She said “yes” and dropped me home, as she
had to go tend to her boys. Sunday came
and went… another Lion loss to the Packers in Green Bay. Then Monday came, sat around until it was
time to go to work and what did I find there? And here is where the new bike (Scarlett) enters into play!
Apparently one of the members heard about my situation and
went out and purchased me A BRAND NEW BIKE!!
I was completely gobsmacked, choked up and still am amazed at the generosity
of my anonymous benefactor. Though I had
said that I would not “name” another bike, “Scarlet” is going to take her place
among the my possessions, and I will hopefully be able to take care of her
until I can “gift” her to someone else.
THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE
Going back to Nebraska and me
for a moment… one of her issues is that the person who I project is NOT the
person that she got to know. And I will
agree with her on that. I am who you
think I am, not who I tell you I am. I
do not manipulate perception nor am I performing any gimmicks or feats of
prestidigitation on my own character’s behalf.
So when she says that I was not the person that she thought I was, she
is right… I am NOT the person she thought I was! Hell, I DON’T even know the person she
thought that I was, either!!
But for anyone who finds themselves in the “negative zone”
of my life, there is one measure by which I hold that you can tell why that is,
and that is “my formula for happiness”, which is a yes, a no, a straight line,
a goal, no in-between and no greys allowed.
You have to be clear and distinct, and bounded by a purpose to be in my
confidence. That was something that I
could not find with her in a relationship, and likely there are no
configuration of a relationship that will allow for us to be any closer than we
are now.
The reason that I am mentioning this is the contrast between
her view of my “doppelganger” and the people at the club, whoever heard about
and gifted me a NEW BICYCLE. I do claim
that if you put in the time and create the space in your life for a cool cat to
lie in, then we should get along just splendidly. But if you don’t, either because you can’t or
won’t (which is really the same thing, isn’t it??),
then you won’t get the chance to find out if I am any of the potentially
wonderful things that I claim, because the deal is voided.
I am funny about relationships because I do understand that
they are about risk and sacrifice… and if you are not willing (which is the same as “not being able”), then do not be
surprised if I pick up on your unwillingness to participate and behave
accordingly. There is only this one life
that I can be sure of, and I am not going to stand adrift while someone fumbles
with their compass…
4 comments:
Aww that sucks about Doug! Does Omaha have a bike registration program through the police station? Here in CA they have it; in fact, my brother in law had his bike found in Fresno b/c it was registered!
I would have loved to see your Sir Mix A Lot karkoke! I did that my freshman year in college, during dinner time in the caf. Did I mention I had back up dancers??! Ooooooh yeah :P
At first, when I read about Doug, I was like Ohhhh man, that's terrible, and then I read about Scarlet and I was like Ohhhh wow, that is awesome! :) Haha!
Sorry you had to experience the loss of an old friend in Doug, but I hope the kindness of another person made up for that a little bit. There are still plenty of good people in the world, and I think it's wonderful that you got to encounter one.
L&R,
Beth
Knowing you and your positive personality, it is no surprise that one of the club clients loved helping you out.
Got your card today, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness...
Love you, Ken
I'm glad things are going better for you.
I don't you're "anthropomorphizing" your bicycle. Taoists, Native Americans, and probably lots of other faiths believe everything has a spirit to it. You're just getting in touch with it.
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