Friday, October 10, 2008

Pardon the Interuption


Are part of a line of thought. This is an interruption, and will be self explanatory as to why there has been an, 'interruption'.


I have feelings and emotions just like everyone else that walks this earth. There are things that 'get' me, and today AKA happened to 'get' to me.

*Sigh* There are things that just are. I don't know how I came to be the person I am, but I do know 'why'. On a much, much higher level, a decision was made, and here I am.

I am pretty deferential, as I hoped was understood by the entry I made earlier this week, when I spoke of how I took my leadership model from Sun Tzu. The endgame justifies the means. There is a memory of Michael Jordan passing the ball to Steve Kerr for a game winning shot. That is leadership, trusting in those around you and their ability to 'win the game'.

That is how I can let so much roll off me, not because I am meek and fearful, but unless it damages the central focus, interferes with the main purpose, then I can deal. Simple as that. I don't mind letting people have the freedom to express themselves regarding me, and I even play along. We are all friends, and it is all good, right?

We all know that we have each others best interests at heart, so what isn't to forgive one another?

But there are some places that you shouldn't go, just out of common decency. If there are things that you wouldn't do to, with, or say to a stranger, you had BETTER NOT do them with me. If you do treat strangers off-handed, and you claim to 'know' me, then you WELL KNOW not to treat me like some random cat you got from a shelter. Got me?

So we were talking on the phone noonish, and sometimes 'a thought balloon' burst, and something that hasn't been finished comes out. When it did, and because it wasn't clear, she couldn't make it out. So she asked me to repeat what I said, and I told her that I was talking to myself. Whatever her response, it was the wrong one. It was full of hubris and self-indulgence. I HATE that.

Like cursing, HATE is a dirty word in my mouth. So, you know what you are talking about, eh? Well, let's find out how much you know!

So she is telling me "I have told you not to do that with me, don't say something and don't finish when you are talking with me, blah, blah, blah ..." I waited, patiently, then I asked her a question.

"You know me so well, do you know why that happens?"

She said she didn't, and I told her why. I have suffered brain trauma from boxing. There are times where a 'thought' that most people keeps to themselves will slip out, unfinished. When I say that I was talking to myself, it is an honest statement. The thought wasn't meant to be 'audible'.

And after that, it was on.

Can't remember all that I said. I do recall telling her that I am sure that she has made exceptions and overlooked small things about me in our relationship. But this, this is a prime example of 'you ain't no daisy' in action. She is so caught up in something that is small, and making it out to be something so big. When people do that, I want to find out how 'big' it is to them.

I don't care for folks who 'claim' to be 'straight shooters' and they feel that they tell people about themselves, and say the things that they need to hear but don't want to hear. That is, m'lady fair, the red cape to the bull. At some point and time, I will shake the Ferdinand in me and charge. And let the chips fall where they may, FOR FREAKIN' REAL. I know want to find out how much of the 'they don't want to hear', YOU can stand to hear!

How angry was I? I cursed. I was ready to rumble and I went there, and STOOD. Said if this is it, well don't you know, tomorrow is going to come, and I plan to be on that train. If you take whatever you feel now with you, then that is you.

Yep AKA, you can go get over yourself, and when you do that, call and see what happens. Won't promise you will be recieved warmly, and as to you 'not calling', I thought it was understood that when I said I was taking the train to tomorrow, I only bought one ticket.

As I have done throughout my life, when I have either left or been asked to leave, that is that with that. The thing about the 'Ex List', is that I haven't EVER dated someone who I have reached an impasse with. So it is new for me. Not even in HIGH SCHOOL.

Mookie was the first. Took me 35 years to do something like that. Maybe I will come back to this, if I find it germane to anything. I am more focused on going forward, and doing what I believe is going to get me to where I want to be.

Sorry for the length, but I was upset. No football this weekend, cause I am off my que. Not only the AKA thing, but I have to get ready for Monday night. Need to focus on how I want THAT to come out.


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I totally agree with your philosophy of this is who I am, and if you choose to diss me, then I will write you off.

Having said that, I am sorry that this turn of events has occured with AKA. Be well me friend...

Beth said...

Mark, this doesn't sound like a good day or a good conversation with AKA. I hope you'll still have a good weekend, despite it all. We'll be around....

Love, Beth

Malagutigrrl said...

Hang in there, dude. You'll come out the other side. I promise.

a corgi said...

I'm so sorry Mark; I think we are all capable of saying things we shouldn't say to others and hurting others feelings and having our own feelings hurt; I only hope somewhere in this all you and AKA can at least maintain a friendship since we all do need friends to help us get through this life; sorry it was a tough time for you