Thursday, August 7, 2014



I am feeling strangely fine… the butterflies present because there are things that are still up in the air that I would have rather not be up in the air, hence the title of this entry.  Everything is still a go for my trip to Nutwood, and I think that I am turning the corner when it comes to my hopes and goals for my life.

Pecan Sandie is still at it with posting on Facebook… “just cause I post something doesn’t mean it is me”, then followed almost immediately by a direct,”why does bullsh*t happen” post that can’t be seen in any other way than as a comment about her then-current condition.  Whatever.  At any rate, she is back in her blame-denial with our daughter, giving me all kinds of sh*t about reconfirming contact information (even with my suspicions that her Mom’s sh*ts on mail from me) and that I can call/email Lexxie at my leisure.  The only thing I could say is, “Thanks!” and follow through with what I can on my end.  If there is one thing that I would want for anyone to get from my experiences with being a sh*tty non-custodial parent, it is this:  Not all parents who aren’t present in the lives of their children are willfully negligent.  They can have help, as is the case with me, with being pushed to the fringes of the lives of their child(ren).  My falling down on my end does not justify others from taking the opportunity to further hamstring a cat, now does it?

My attempts to get information from Pecan Sandie has been the basis for my recent Facebook agonies.  Facebook is my Ennis DeMar… I just cain’t quit it, at least not yet.  I hope that Lexxie emails me back (I’ve already written her) and we can truly have a dialogue.  But I am also aware that my demonization has been a useful tool to assert absolute blame upon, and that there are interests that move to keep the status quo between the three of us.  And enough about that … what about these shoes..?              


It has been nearly 20 years ago that I began to collect a series of quotes and statements that either always had held my attention or that would catch my mind as I found myself in personal and spiritual decline.  When I finally told myself “enough”, I wanted to be able to focus on the things that I could believe in, that could explain the situations that I could not understand, and finally to explain to me with clarity “why am I here?”.

Many of them have been with me for since my adolescence, when I thought that they were “cool to say” especially being a twerpy black kid.  But because they survived through my trip on the choppy seas of life and where I was at when I made the decision to take back my life, I put them to paper, and I would read them over and over, making my plans to find “anywhere that would have been better.”

While there are those “Rules” which lend themselves to absolute, I think that even in the most literal reading that there is room for liberal interpretation.  But the essence of the rule, the fact that the responsibility for its implementation is always with the reader, makes them unbending.

Finally, as smug and self-important as a journal can be, I have thought that by making this a public journal I would seem like an arrogant bullsh*t artist, talking about stuff he barely understood and could not work into his own life.  The redundancy of ideals that are in my rules has emerged from the phrase, “Redundancy saves lives”, ethos picked up in my time in the Army, and it makes perfect sense to me. Again, allowing for the arrogance to take from and promulgate these words as “my own philosophy” that is based on real world observation and not rumour or wish fulfillment, .I think gives me the right to claim what I do… that these ARE my “Rules To Live By”, and that I am doing just that, living by these rules.  It goes without saying that violations of these tenets to my thinking are dealt with most severely, which grew as an outcrop of what I have drawn from living my life.  Make of them what you will… some will be discussed as I am going to make this term off from school a time for internal review and planning for the future.

Rules To Live By

  1. Answer questions on what’s best, never what’s easy.
  2. There is only one decisive victory- the last.
  3. A major victory can only be achieved by positive measures aimed at a decision, never by simply waiting on events.  In short, even in the defense, a major stake alone can bring a major gain.
  4. Victory alone is not everything- but is it not, after all, what counts?
  5. The first favourite was never heard of, the second favourite was never seen after the distance post, all the ten to oner’s were in the rear, and a dark horse, which had never been thought of, and which the careless St. James had never even observed in the list, rushed past the grandstand in sweeping triumph.
  6. This is just the moment not to slacken.  All the races which the calendar holds, or nearly all of them, are won in the last lap; and it is then, when it is most hard, when… the end seems to recede before us- like climbing a hill when there is another peak beyond- it is at that moment we in this Island have have to give that extra sense of exertion, of boundless inexhaustible, dynamic energy that we have shown… tirelessness is what we have to show now.
  7. In every battle there comes a time when both sides consider themselves beaten”  then he who continues the attack wins.
  8. The secret of all victory lies in the organization of the non-obvious.
  9. To ensure victory, the troops must have confidence in themselves as well as their commander.
  10. If you fix your eyes upon details and neglect important things, your spirit will become bewildered, and victory will escape you.
  11. Wise princes and republics should content themselves with victory; for when they aim at more, they generally lose.
  12. If the leader is filled with high ambition and if he pursues his aims with audacity and strength of will, he will reach them in spite of all obstacles.
  13. We cannot take this uncertainty too seriously, and it is important to be prepared for it from the beginning.
  14. The minute we begin carrying out our decision, a thousand doubts arise about the danger which might develop if we have been seriously mistaken in our plan.  A feeling of uneasiness, which often takes hold of a person about to perform something great, will take possession of us, and from this uneasiness to indecision, and from there to half measures…
  15. We must therefore, be confident that the general measures we have adopted will produce the results we expect.  Most important in this connection is the trust which we must have in our lieutenants.  Consequently, it is important to choose men on whom we can rely and to put aside all other considerations.  If we have made appropriate preparations, taking into account all possible misfortunes, so that we should not be lost immediately if they occur, we must boldly advance into the shadows of uncertainty.
  16. After we have thought out everything carefully in advance and have sought and found without prejudice the most plausible plan, we must not be ready to abandon it at the slightest provocation.  Should this certainty be lacking, we must tell ourselves that nothing is accomplished in warfare (life) without daring; that the probable will always be probable though at the moment it may not seem so; and finally, that we cannot be readily ruined by a single error, if we have made reasonable preparations.
  17. The third rule is never to waste time.  Unless important advantages are to be gained from hesitation, it is necessary to set to work at once.  By speed, a hundred enemy measures are nipped in the bud, and public opinion is won most rapidly.
  18. Great men and women have never found the easy road to triumph.  It is the same old route- by way hard work and applied faith.
  19. Discipline is doing what you are supposed to do, when you are supposed to do it, and always being ready to do what you are supposed to do it.
  20. You can die from someone else’s misery, emotional states are as infectious as diseases.
  21. The essence of power is the ability to keep the initiative, to get others to react to your moves.  You, yourself, must learn to master your emotions and never to be influenced by anger; meanwhile, however, you must play on people’s natural tendency to react angrily when pushed and baited.
  22. Self-interest is the lever that will move people.  Once you make them see how you can in some way meet their need or advance their cause, their resistance to your requests for help will magically fall away.
  23. Do nothing without regard to the consequences.
  24. Dying for each other- getting so much more back.
  25. Believe in yourself, have a passion for what you’re doing, and focus on attaining your goal with a laser-like precision… monitor your progress until you have accomplished them.
  26. If in the affairs of the everyday-- the trifles of life… a man is inconsiderate and seeks only what is advantageous or convenient to himself that which belongs to all alike, you may be sure there is no justice in his heart, and that he would be a scoundrel on a wholesale scale, only that law and compulsion bind his hands.
  27. Do not consort with fools, especially those who consider themselves wise.  And be not self-satisfied with your own ignorance.  Let your intercourse be only with men of good repute; for it is by such association that men themselves attain good repute.
  28. Victory is ever worthy of praise, whether obtained by valour or by wisdom.
  29. I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.
  30. All my care will be to gain victory with the least shedding of blood.
  31. what enables a good general to win without fail is always having unfathomable wisdom and a modus operandi that leaves no tracks.
1.  I will guard everything within the limits of my post and quit my post only when properly
           2.  I will obey my special orders and perform all of my duties in a military manner.
          3. I will report violations of my special orders, emergencies, and anything not covered in            
               my instructions to the commander of the relief.
   33.  The formula for my happiness, a yes, a no, a straight line, a goal.
   34.  Never begin anything until you have reflected what will be the end of it.
   35.  Mistakes are always made when people get to the easy places.
   36.  Surprise is the fusion of speed and secrecy.
   37.  If we have our own why of life, we shall get along with almost any how…
   38.  The bite of conscious, like the bite of a dog into stone, is a stupidity.
   40.  To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation.
   41.  Get in touch with what you need.  Visualize hour perfect day.  Make a business plan.             
           Take action!  -The four laws from “The Success Trap”
   42.  The three keys to (life) corporate & career acceleration- 1)  Clarify your three highest
          priority outcomes for the next six months.  2)  For each outcome, identify the three things
          you can do that will have the greatest positive impact on achieving it.  3)  Identify the six
          things you will stop doing so that you will have the time and energy to do what you need to
          do what you know you need to do to achieve these three outcomes.


Babz Rawls Ivy said...

Tell me about how you love. I appreciate the rules for how you live... Tell me about how you love deeply.

Babz Rawls Ivy said...

I more than appreciate the rules by which you live... I admire them. That kind of discipline and fortitude is hard found these days.

I think there is a great deal of depth and passion in you... step into the vulnerable place... what is love like for you? What makes you smile and jump for joy? Who is she that your heart longs for?

I see the man emerging... I see the difference in tone of this blog than when I began reading you and following you. I left you alone for a period and now I have returned to see a very different you. I love when you are personal and soul searching... we need more brothers to soul search. No, not trying to put the weight of brothers on your very strong and capable shoulders. I just rarely get to read a man sharing in the manner in which you do. it is attractive and engaging and yes sexy!

I am drawn to your writing voice. You share so courageously and I find that inspiring. As you well know I believe love and touching each other is the real revolution. I feel we are comrades in that regard... perhaps I am hoping... perhaps I am projecting my romanticism here.

I am cheering you and praying for you and digging your journey.

abbiestreehouse said...

I especially liked numbers 10 and 20. You could almost make a decision-making flow chart out of these. (I took a lot of programming courses in college, and tend to think along those lines.)

I think posts like this one show the true value in blogging. I appreciate getting to read how other people have thought things out.

(I can only think of one rule missing from your list: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.")