Chillaxing... no matter how over that word is, that is what I am doing..!
POSTULATES AND AXIOMS
Though I understand the intent of many of the words and phrases that are a part of urban colloquial language, the wisdom behind them often have left me scratching my head in befuddlement. When it comes to relationships, none of these nuggets of “ghetto wisdom” has created and been the source of, in my opinion, more misguided reasoning (and a bad Tyler Perry movie!) as the phrase “I can do bad all by myself”. What, exactly, is one saying with such an utterance? Just because you are trying to raise your expectations or declare what you will expect in a relationship does not change the fact that words have power. The statement “I can do bad all by myself” only reaffirms that the speaker is “doing bad” and that they can continue to do badly in the future.
In the mid-90’s when hip-hop was still mostly hip-hop, one of my favourites were the duo, Mr. Lawnge and Dres, a.k.a Black Sheep. While they only released one LP of any significance, “A Sheep In Wolf’s Clothing”, that I found myself listening to over and over in my cassette Walkman (‘memba those?) as I did my roadwork late at night of the streets of Greensboro. And I would pull some of the lyrics from the songs that were coming out of my drugstore speakers and make them “fit” into my thinking, representing concepts and ideals that I thought they appropriately expressed.
The lyrical phrase, “… as for me, to say just how, if you didn’t know me then so you could never know me now”, conveys the essence of my personal victimology if you will. Designed to be the antithesis to “...do bad all by myself” as well in line with the philosophy I maintain towards social connections, it essentially is a gate-keeper to who is “in” my life. I don’t believe that I need to explain “why” I expect to accomplish my goals… because I know “how” I will accomplish them.
There is an ineffable quality to the determination that is attached to faith that I think escapes those who yearn for what they want in life. I don’t think that there is enough sincerity in those for whom want is a form of self-flagellation, a passion plea for pity, made to those who are unfortunate enough to suffer their company. Too many people simply have a desire for things that is not backed with the requisite constitution to make those desires happen. Simply wanting things is not enough; it is a combination of risk and effort that separates most first world residents from the things that they want.
From the earliest days of journaling, I have hoped to have lived by my own code. It is not that I am against being party to a “loveship” or even a friendship. But I do want anyone who is a part of my life to have more than their expressed desire to be “something” in my life. A “relationship” to me is just that- on what understanding or platform is our connection to one another going to be based on or in relation to?
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward. -Amelia Earhart
If you lack courage or will, you will always be in a state of wanting. Of a better partner, better health, better finances, or a more satisfying loveship, if you are not able to take the necessary steps to actually do what is necessary to achieve your goals, you will remain in wanting. There are no easy roads to what we want in our lives… achievement is always reached through hard work and sacrifice. Not being willing to have “skin in the game” is not endearing to me and I lose little sleep over those that have wants of me in any kind of association and chooses to play-it-safe.
This year is going to be the first real test of my philosophical change that begun over a decade ago with finding and identifying the qualities I would look for in a person and that I would then develop the characteristics that would be in line with the people who I hope to meet. That is why I have my “Rules To Live By”, and it is has always been about the road that I have chosen to walk.