Another set of axiomatic phrases that I have made integral to my philosophy, the title, which owes its inspiration to a song by The Smith’s, and of course, the header of this section of my entry is from the film, “No Country For Old Men”. As I have said in a recent entry, whatever I am asking of another person, first, I ask and expect of myself.
Before I go much further, I feel that I should mention an episode that took place recently in one of my workouts. I have been led to believe that I can do heavy weights in the lift known as the squat. This week I did 4 sets of squats with a decrease/increase of repetitions-to-weight ratio, starting at 250lbs and adding 50lbs each time I decreased the number of reps. When I got to my final set of 6 reps at 350lbs, in addition to the lightheadedness that I expect, I also got a nosebleed for my troubles. Now it doesn’t take a doctor to know what took place… the pressure that I had placed on my circulatory system popped some blood vessels in my nose. But the kicker is, that could have been a vessel somewhere else, on near my heart or in my head, and then this would have REALLY been a noteworthy entry!
I did not share this story to point out how strong or even possibly to show how reckless I am, but to show that I am someone who demands the best effort of himself. That is what bothered me about my “mental health” day. I don’t believe in the “aw, I tried but…” canon of trite justifications that others may allow themselves. I believe in “ being fatigued” but not in “being too tired”, as “tired” is a word that is found on the lips of those who won’t get to where it is they want to be in life. You can rest all you want when you are dead… if you are breathing, then I believe that there is an opportunity to be met. What would amaze me is for someone who did not understand that about me… that to get me to call you anything to me means more than simply saying that you are “this or that” to me, for as we all should know by now, “this or that” is not related to the subject at hand.
BUT “BEING PERFECT” IS…
As frequently as I reference this scene, I wonder about how the principled which I intend to use inspired by this scene to govern all my decisions, professional and person, are being taken by people who would want to be a part of my life. Additionally, I wonder if any of my principles touches anyone quite in the same way it does me, or at the very least, causes them to reflect on how they see their own world? There have been occasions where I have sat down and shared my thinking with people and they find something that they can take and apply in their own life, or better yet, find a similar idea that they have and feel better about the decision that they have made in their own life. For instance, I think of people who would be in my life and I wonder if they can accept that this is the “perfection” I am asking of them because it is the kind of perfection that I offer to them, figuratively and as literally as I can interpret “being perfect” to mean.
“Forever is about to happen out there in just a few minutes”. That is something that can be said for each of us as the eternal seconds pass… and when “forever” does inevitably happens to you, what do you think you will be able to say? Can you say to those you love, the friends and family that you hold dear, that you gave your all to that relationship? Are you going to know that there is something special, something that matters to someone, and can you sacrifice to make that something happen in accordance to your level of participation in the life of said person? And like the difference between the words “fatigued” and “tired” in my vocabulary, I do think when you give “your all” to anything, instead of actually using everything you have to depletion, you will find that you have create a space so you will have little bit more to give than you thought. This is not only for the moment but for always, with the caveat being that you actually exercise this newfound reservoir of strength. That is something else about my squat episode-- I was able to complete my rep range, which meant that there was still more left in me somewhere… not much, but still more. Now, with having pushed myself, the limits of my horizon now looms further away...
It goes without saying that I do believe that if you hold back emotionally, whether it is due to some prior experience or unverified theory, you regress a little inside. And while forever is still going to come, it won’t ask if you did give your all to whatever you held dear in your life, whatever mattered to you the most, or which relationships you valued, forever is just going to come and with it, bring the future into sharper focus.
Like Coach Gaines, my heart, too, is full. I have enjoyed my life and feel that it has been one that fulfilled nearly every opportunity that I could have asked for. And now, instead of being humbled that I have had the chances that I have had in my life to “be” the thing that I have wanted to be, I now have found the temerity to ask for even more from life.