Friday, November 15, 2013



When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.  - Alexander Graham Bell

Finished an 8-week training program and the results were very promising.  But it isn’t one that I would want to do while in school, at least not this term.  When I get around to taking a photo of myself I will make an entry covering the program I did and what I think are the pros and cons of said program..

Going back to school will not only give me a greater sense of purpose but to again be the “Mark that I say that I am”.  That is prolly the most important aspect of getting back into school, since that is part and parcel of my being on my own with my injury.

As my path wound its way around towards Omaha, my biggest worry once I was diagnosed was that I would be stuck in a circumstance where my impairment would be taken advantage of in the name of “looking out for my welfare”.  While it is likely that most people would expect loved ones to be among the first to step up, that is not the case in my situation.  I believe that I would have been seen as an additional burden to some, and certainly taken advantage of by all.  As far as the possibility of any external relationship developing and growing to being one that was nurturing and caring for all of the involved principals, I did not foresee the possibility of
that happening in the Motor.

With all that taken under consideration, along with my own wanderlust to account for, I set my course and now I am “here”.  

Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.

-Steve Maraboli

I can’t say that I have had an easy time of it on my own, what with the disability and all, but then, life has never been about how “easy” things are for any of us.   But defining what are the traits of “dealing with problems” is what I think has been difficult for many people that I have been involved with.  Since there are so many other vital issues attached to how a person deals with difficulties, both expected and unexpected, I could not see myself being under “just anyone else’s” stewardship.


I try to life hard by the notion that, “problems that have solutions aren’t problems”.  The transcript situation I had for example… that was a problem that held all manner of peculiar and unique obstacles for me but I was able to come to a resolution that I am pleased with.  Because I took actions to directly influence the outcome of my problem, there was never really any “problem” that I had to face, unless you count the dread that comes with the thinking about the things that COULD have gone wrong.

         “We must, therefore, be confident that the general measures we have adopted will        
          produce the results we expect.  Most important in this is the trust which we must have
          in our lieutenants.  Consequently, it is important to choose men on whom we can rely
          and to put aside all other considerations…”

While it was  easy to push aside the naysayers outside of the small bubble I lived in growing up, it was not until I realized that maybe, just maybe, the biggest threat to my personal happiness were those who were INSIDE my bubble.  It has been repeated so often by me how I feel that my greatest enemies have been those I have been tied to emotionally and through cultural standards.  My family and those who I have said “I love you”, have all in their unique and individual ways been directly tied to issues of my own failure.  Now, I am not blaming any of my missteps in their entirety to outside influences, but in my own prognosis of “past lives”, I could not get around the effect that these key intimate people had on my outcome.  Now that I am again on my own, I am no longer adrift nor am I dealing with any despair over situations that I have the power to change.  As for the things that I don’t have the power to change… I never held the power to affect either Nebraska or Princess, and it is because I have always understood the limits of this ability, I have not been lost when someone cuts me out of their life or decide that we are incompatible.  Now the things that makes ME incompatible with either of my two Omaha interests, or any other of my interests are clearly up for conjecture.  What isn’t, is what I can comment on, which is what makes disqualifies someone from consideration from my point of view.

          “If we have made appropriate preparations, taking into account all possible
          misfortunes, so that we shall not be lost immediately should they occur, we
          must boldly advance into the shadows of uncertainty.”
                                                                                               -Carl Von Clauswitz
                                                                                                 (as if I would quote anyone

I have wanted to be able to measure the intimate people in my life by the same standards the Von Clauswitz said that a General should measure his officers and lieutenants by.  When I was still dealing with the “first world problems” of an American adolescent, it was easy for me to observe this axiom.  It would not be until I would become entangled with the concepts wider society and becoming less of a “likable asocial person” and become involved closely with people.

Where there a “big bang” moment where my own consciousness exploded, I would have to say it was the summer that my Aunt installed my self-confidence.  It would not be too much longer before my philosophical nature would emerge. I would begin to read, “The Divine Comedy”, and felt that if I could find a Virgil to journey with…

1 comment:

Thomas Alice said...

I remember hearing Les Brown talk about "toxic people," how it is important to remove them from your life and how hard that can be. It's a hard lesson to learn.