I have been fine… Work is going well and I am studying up for my Personal Trainer’s certification. School has been confirmed and Tee Jay has cleared up my transcript kerfluffle, at least as much as she could have. If there is any other issue regarding my current enrollment, I will have to find that out as I go down the line.
As far as Facebook has been concerned, I have curtailed my postings lately… foregoing the usual, “I’m going to take a break,” attention seeking post. If someone really thinks that there is too much made out of online socializing and that it has replaced the actual IRL interaction, then instead of announcing that, why don’t they just do it? I KNOW there is a psychological explanation for the phenomena, I just don’t want to research the topic just yet. I just know that I understand why it has happened with me.
Spoke with my Dad recently and while he was well, he has had to deal with several medical issues of concern. But what struck me most was tone of our conversation… that it WAS a conversation was the biggest surprise. It was as though he wanted to talk with me… that he MISSED me and was sincerely glad to hear specifically from me. I am well aware that I should not have been surprised at the emotion, but I was nonetheless. You have several different strings intertwined with our relationship, as with ANY relationship, all fighting to exist in the same dimension. It was a good talk and I came away with the distinct feeling that he would like to see me. And on my “to do list” for next year it goes. Don’t know how I will manage everything, but I know I will because I have no other option.
...AND YOUR MOTIVATION IS..?
Whatever is on the other side of my singularity, I have only the tools that brought me to this point to work with. My understanding of what works from here on, will be dependent on my being able to comprehend the new interactions between the elements I will encounter as my life continues to evolve. Yet this does not mean that the old rules of my personal physics are invalid. In fact, nothing could be more contrary as they are not to be used solely for what they were in the past, rather, they are to be interpreted with and integrated according to how they behave in this particular dimension and I will go from there with my observation.
I would not say that I am a “good” son, but I have never stopped in my efforts to be the best of all things that I could be. Here is where some of the rules remain the same from my past lives transfer over into this one.
If you are going to do your “best”, then there should not be a qualifier of any sorts to that, given that doing your best is taken in the same liberalness that Coach Gaines takes with the ideal of “being perfect”. Doing your best is not always about achieving anything… because if you know that there was nothing more you could do, that you had maxed out your ability at the time of question, and you gave 100 percent of what you had, then your “best” is just that, leaving nothing else to be asked of you. Much of my complaint in both the “provincial town I once jogged ‘round” and in the Motor was due to my not being able to live with myself in applying all my energies to my own goals and living convinced that I had done “my best”in the domestic situations and relationships I was in at the time. Doing my best for others often meant that I could only give my own goals “good enough” when it came to effort. Understand, I am all-too aware that I have not always lived up to this expectation, but I refuse to allow my fail efforts to be written into my future.
“Tomorrow is not promised. I need your best… are you giving it?” - Georgia football Coach Mark Richt
“You don’t know if there will be anymore… so, c’mon girl, what you waitin’ for?” -song lyric from the song “What You Waitin’ For” by the Jungle Brothers
Most of my reasons for being happy right now comes from observing the thought that tomorrow indeed is not promised and with the reality that can be generally agreed upon being changed by unseen forces each and every moment, the relativity of “now” can never be taken for granted and that I have indeed spent myself living in and for the moment. And though there is only speculation for what takes place inside of a black hole, I do believe that no matter what universe, dimension, or sphere of reality, that division by zero is not going to be possible. That is how I feel about not being able to give your best in all things, great and small. If you learn to be slack, if you learn to give half-efforts, it is not about being fortunate enough to get away with it… just as it is not enough to practice and expect perfection. It is through PERFECT PRACTICE that one can expect and be prepared for perfection. Von Clausewitz spoke of the perils of “half measures” and other equivocations that lead generals to defeat could also be used to explain why an individual would also fall short of not only their goals, but in obtaining the things that they desire most in their lives.
It isn’t about what you prioritize in your life as much as it is THAT you prioritize. If everything is important, then nothing is actually “important”, as it takes away the impact of something immediate, almost as misusing the word “literally” takes away from the substance of a sentence. If each and every moment of your time is taken up with a priority, then there is no such thing as priority in your life. At some point you will have to decide on a course or have the decision made for you. Family, love, your job, no matter what you may want, if you don’t take control and make the decision when the time comes for a choice to be made, you will be left with nothing but the leavings of what your life could have been had you acted upon your desire.
Though it would look at first glance that I can’t afford to make the extra trip, I plan on doing my best, my “perfect best” and I will hopefully get a chance to have a drink with Alaina, and her husband, Tony, while I am in Detroit visiting my Dad. (just no more Guinness Stout for me though..!) It is going take more than “being difficult” to keep me from making my 2014 happen!