Remembering that “the main thing is the main thing”, I am doing very, very well. What that means should be obvious. As infatuated as I was with the idea of being with Nebraska, and given how I felt about relationships before I got here, Princess and her decision to sever relations with me is so not part of the “main thing”. Who knows if she will have a change of mind (we really aren’t concerned about her heart... if it is not synched with her mind, WHO CARES) and wishes to again extend a fig leaf toward me.
Now this is critical to why I am not someone who is interested in “do overs”. First of all, upon the apparent degradation of a relationship, how do you find yourself having the motivation to do the things that are necessary for this person, and participate with in a relationship, who in many ways is now a stranger to you? To say nothing of the hidden shadows and recesses that are a part of life and living... to wit, Princess spends half of the week out of state. She dumped me and is moving on. Should we get back together, how would I be assured that in those dark places where I cannot see, where the things that I know that I don't know, is not indeed a real thing, and is something that is sprung from a badly fermented mind? But since this entry (and my purpose to being in Omaha) is not about that and I feel that those who know me through my blog can imagine how I am handling the development in my love life, let’s move along, shall we..?
WHY THERE ARE LIGHTS THAT NEVER GO OUT IN MY HEART
Nixxie called during the past week and-a-half with a question that left me feeling rather giddy. She said that KT had asked her, “If something happened to my Daddy, how would I know?”. I am not really big on my own family knowing whether or not I am doing well, and as to why that is I would have to go back and do some “excavatin’ and educatin’”, and that is something I do not feel compelled to do. But when Nixxie asked about that, I felt a small vindication, as being an absentee parent does not automatically mean that you have no feeling for your children. I have done, with a lot of credit going to Nixxie, the best I was going to do for KT. And what that means is, that my involvement in her life has come at whatever level of effort that it took for me to “be there”. Having a very understanding partner in her Mom, I do get to say that KT is my daughter, unreservedly. So that really cheered me to think that someone that I love so much obviously loves me a bunch too! A few days later, I spoke to Lexxie.
Our conversation was very pleasant, as Pecan Sandie answered the phone in a very upbeat voice. That was the thing with us as a couple... when we were good, we were very good. I am always geared to see things as good a light as I possibly can, and she has some very positive, high energy traits as well. But she is susceptible to being MOO-DEE, and her epic mood swings violated the principle that holds together my formula for happiness. So that is why our relationship came with a “low number”.
In talking with Lexxie, I began with my apologies for everything. As we got into the conversation, she paused midway through and said, “Dad, you do know that even Mobsters can be good parents, so can alcoholics. It does not matter what else you have done with your life, as long as you try. And you try, Dad.” Man, how cool is that? We really had a good talk, and the combination left me on a high, one that would get a little higher later in the week. And while things between Skye and me are still on the same level as it was, reading Beth’s entry reinforced what I already know, that I am not alone and if anything, live an example of what Parental Alienation does and should not do in a parent-child relationship.
AFTER SUNDOWN, THE SUN ALSO RISES AGAIN
I have not been as active in social media/blogging, and while I mourn that I prolly won’t ever get back to the old J-Land level of activity, I will be missing even more time out on the blogosphere. But it is perhaps for the best reason of all... I “felt” some of what I lost come back online!
With brain research, it goes about like oceanography... as much as is known about the seas, we still know and understand very little about it. Often, comparison is made that we know more about space than we do the oceans, and brain research is much the same way. Some of what is known, is just that, something that is known. What researchers DON’T know is WHY. This speaks to a lack of deep understanding of what goes on in the brain, and maybe one day research will find out what makes the brain “tick”.
Years and years ago, back in the early eighties after I had my personal epiphany about pursuing a career in boxing, I read where there were cases in which another previously dormant area of the brain would take on the tasks that were normally assigned or associated with a non-functioning or damaged area of the brain. So in storing that, I have operated under the premise that should I have a brain injury, that I will simply “will” myself through until “something happens”. And in struggling through my Algebra, I believe that “something happened”.
As I went over and over my work (one of the interesting things about my condition is that, I can work a problem, come back to it an hour or so later, and it will become a “new” problem again! More on that another day!!), I started to see the problems much in the same way that I am accustomed, meaning that I was not lost and just plugging in what I thought an answer should be, but actually understanding the formulas and arriving at the correct answer! So I have thrown myself into my studies full on, which is why I have not been on the blogs as much as I would have liked.
So there you go... and for those who are regular reader as well as the recently added (I think a couple of them are around), don’t let what will be discussed here in the future fade you... I am not only doing better than good, I AM doing better than most!!