Between
being told that I was “still waiting for my first awake orgasm” and “Mark, it
is about ‘supply and demand’, and what you have to supply ain’t in demand!” in
high school it, I think is amazing that I came out of adolescence as balanced
and considerate regarding women as I did.
I never held any “grudges” as I just KNEW that things would change and women
would be the ones chasing after me. But
a lot of why that is has less to do with anything that I have to do with it as
much as it does with how relationships have changed over the years. But what
has not changed has been what is “right” and what is “wrong”. For me there are certain things that are
“right” for me and “wrong” for others.
Having
spoken about how well I sleep as a non-custodial parent, some of what is
“wrong” for me is why I find the solace that I do about my decision. If you are someone who has had a bitter
divorce/custody and you have fought the good fight to be right there for your
children and battle the evil ex and the not-so-friendly Friend of the Court
system, good on you! At the same time, I
do not think there is any moral superiority gained when you are dealing with a
hostile/violent/irrational ex (unless you are Scott Pilgrim… and in the end, what
did his sacrifice get him?) and you still have a life to pursue of your own?
Now
in this use of A-I-D-A the “I” stands for “investment”. Some of my personal convictions and character
rules have survived without being edited because they work!! I think because among the first sh*ts I did
not give about the maturing and wider society was “finding a date for the
prom”. And the reason for that is, I was
SO RIGHT about what I thought watching Phil Donahue over summer breaks!! Being
an “okay looking kid” and after my Aunt affirmed that way of thinking, I just
kept doing what I do.
The
world owes you absolutely nothing and everything. You sit around b*tchin’ about whatever that
did not go your way with your friends and other hapless sad sacks losers, you
gets the “nothing” part of that phrase.
As far as the other part of it… the “everything” part, let’s apply what
I am spewing in context, please.
My
starter wife is a horrible person and Mookie Dee an amoral c*mbag, but hey, it
is what it is. So I got my quota of one
crappy relationship and one “ex-list” relationship to scratch off the bucket
list. Now whenever I have someone’s
“attention”, the next important thing for me was to determine how invested
someone was in as far as our relationship was concerned. Having covered the “why should I feel that
bad when she cost me MY young athletic prime” and other crucial fail traits in
my marriage, with Mookie Dee, I hope to use that relationship as a lesson in
when someone who was “there” in the good times, decides to “cut bait” when
things get rough.
Running
back into Mookie Dee was as a result of having business in her town shortly
after I decided to date an ex. I was
working, doing quite okay, and she was suitably impressed. Before we got to become a live-in couple, she
got to be introduced to my Skye and KT while I was in the Motor, and I explained
to her how I was handling being a Father and balancing my life. My time in her home and in her life was spent
doing all that I could as far as emotional support and when it comes to
material support…
I
mention that I had a decent paying job.
I also had a decent 401K and I had a decent savings account. That I left the “provincial town that I once
jogged round” with absolutely NONE of that goes to the “investment” that I made
to our relationship. Not only did I love
and support her with all that I had, and not only did I contribute to the
household finances in full (according to our share agreement),
but I… I am a broken record regarding that.
What DID NOT happen was when I first began experiencing difficulty
around the house, rather than ask me about them and have me seek attention
possibly earlier, she shrugged her shoulders.
Trying to process the paperwork and advocate for my health care was
something that I did on my own. And while
she was rightly concerned about our finances, one workday spent schlepping me
around the Motor would have doubled the money that I had available for ‘us’. And that was something else that did not
happen.
The
whole thing about me not being in a successful relationship was not because I
was neither willing nor capable. It was,
and is, my intention that should I find myself with the opportunity to be in a
relationship (as
I am now), to be the person that I claim to be.
After all, THAT is the person that they should be attracted to.
Additionally,
if all I did was served in the military, I would have “been somewhere”. The only two continents I have not set foot
on are Africa and Antarctica. And when it concerns my travels within the lower
48… I KNEW I should have kept up with my postcard project, because I have
traveled like I was on a presidential campaign.
And more than that, the places that I have wanted to see (like for
instance… OMAHA) are the places that I have gone to.
So
this is where the “investment” begins to really stand out… because you get the
whole rundown on me in the prospectus.
With the information at hand, “written out” in black and white, like
being tired of “tired black men”, I wonder what is it that my starter wife and
Mookie Dee had a problem with? Part of
what made trying to go back in my past relationships to find love is that THEY
THEMSELVES can verify all the promise, the potential and focus that I
have. My thing is, avoid the “known knowns” (I still dislike your girlfriends; if I see your
ex-bf around, I will beat the sh*t out of him AFTER I dislodge the taste from
your tongue), as well as own my own flaws (okay, you really don’t like people, so who is this
b*tch sending you a text after 2300hrs??) and the “known unknowns” as well as the “unknown
unknowns” will be that much easier to manage.
Me
working with my injury and riding a bike all over town to make my life is
nothing. I do this stuff with ease,
balancing all of these things as well as school and my health care… so why can’t
people like my ex and Mookie Dee go and do likewise.
Cause
they make f*cked up decisions. And that
is not my fault.
2 comments:
In a perfect world as they say. Some tend to mature at a slower pace. Given time, hopefully, their decisions will be wiser.
It is a good thing that I cannot warm to perfection, because neither one of us is perfect....
:-).~Mary
ps & I like it that way.
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