RELATIONSHIP
FATIGUE
Like
the song “You’re So Vain”, NONE of what I write is about you. It is, though, about a composite and as any
brother can tell you, when the police are looking for a “black male, age
20-to-40, dressed casually in expensive-looking gym shoes and wearing saggy
jeans, along with a professional (or college) team jacket, no matter if you
just got off the bus that came from cross-town, they are looking for YOU. What I am doing is rebutting some of the
general questions and assumptions that are made when I mention that I have
three daughters by three different women… and using my marriage and
near-marriage as the template, the “what I wanna know is”, if women are soo
tired, and their noble role in society soo beyond criticism, I would like to
know what was going through the mind’s of the ex and the dweller of the provincial
town (which, by definition, is a place where people see the world through
a narrow lens… that fit Mookie Dee to a tee, as did her nickname, which is why
she got it), if you wanted this person to be a “partner” in your life to
be “together”, then what was the problem with us? I have spoken about when my starter wife and I
got involved what I was doing. And what
made sense for me to talk with someone from my past was that not only can I
admit to my bullsh*t, I am more than ready to eliminate that from my character. And knowing my work ethic and vision, why NOT
give a cat like me a chance!! After all,
you are still single and you HAVE done worse than me … what have you got to
lose??
Additionally,
I can count “from the cast of thousands” on one hand with a couple of the
missing the number of really “bad” good-byes I have had in my life. And again, I reference my Face Book account
which includes several exes, more than a pair who KNOW each other through me,
and who occasionally comment on some of the mess I share on there… ALONG with
the Princess… so, while I really am not bragging about “having it like that”, a
cat like me, simply “has it like that”.
But
here is my thing… and why that comment left me so chapped. Other than my connection to other cats that
have multiple children with multiple women, the similarity ends there. The nobleness of endless court fights over
visitation and support is so not me, which is why I fell behind when I lost my
job. Instead of fussing with my ex-wife
(hers
was the only case that I could not have reduced whenever my income changed from
athletic career to office drone, and then from office drone to disabled)
I instead managed my spending and STILL found a way to get me a decent
apartment, furnish it, AND drive me a Beemer!
AND I have boxed in Monaco!! So BLEAH!!!
Tee
Jay was someone who heard my story, listened to my explanation, and decided to
INVEST. She was betting that I was more
the “other cop” and neither the good or the bad Mark… that I was going to be
the man that she was hoping to find and that I appeared at the time to be. I remember when I was out of the country, not
on this continent and getting it HANDED TO ME as a sparring partner and she was
able to talk me down and into finishing the assignment. Do you know how many times I have had a
person who was that involved in me and my life, do something like that since I
left my Mom’s home?? Yeah, THAT many!! And since we have “spoken” about it through
the social network, I guess I should tell you what happened to us…
Grief
is such a powerful emotion and it is different for everyone. I think that each episode is different to the
individual and I am no different. I had
no idea of how I would respond when my Mom passed but what I do know is that whatever
I went through took a toll on the relationship we had. And I simply failed “us”. And that is as detailed as I am going to get,
other to mention that she understood and that she too, wishes that I could have
leaned on her more. But I did not and
that is that with that.
One
of the things that cause me to grow ill when I have heard women grumble (then
mumble… so mix ‘em in a pot like gumbo!!) is the notion that I am not
rooted in the same reality that they are.
As far as my understanding, there is only one observed reality and that
is THIS ONE. How you perceive it is
dependent as much as the constructs that are recognized by everyone and the
ones that you choose for you own slice of life.
And it would have been okay if my starter wife or Mookie Dee had EVER
came up with an alternative that satisfied everyone involved, but they did not
ever have one. And that is cool, then
since that is the case why not get on board and invest –
There
is the right thing to do. There is also
the wrong thing to do. But the WORST
thing to do is nothing. And if there is
anything that I felt that Mookie Dee knew about me, it was that when the sh*t
hits the fan that I was going to do SOMETHING.
NICE
GUY… I DON’T GIVE A SH*T
…
and if you don’t like it, leave.
I
still fall back on the main reason many people who are single but yearning,
even those who have survived less-than-good relationships are there because
they actually suck at being people. How
else do you describe why they have so many a**holes for prospects in and out of
their lives? Could it be their
deodorant??
Okay,
I have admitted that the pool is littered with a lot of either “throwback” or contaminated
fish for women and it is not that way for men who fish (which
is not the same as saying there is no risk to the brothers… the lack of
recognition of that risk is part of why I am ranting about this topic)
or are in the dating pool themselves… BUT, if you as a single woman think that
anything is owed to you because of “whatever”… what did Blake say, “… f*ck you,
go home and play with your kids.” Oh,
and I mean that in the best possible way.
See,
I have shot my dreams fooling around thinking I was going to build something
with my ex-wife. Then I thought that I
could find someone to lay the proper foundation with when I started up with
Mookie Dee and that was a fail. But it
is no real big deal to me, only in the context of this subject. You want love, you are going to have to
decide… decide to take the actions that you have invested in and put forth more
of your attention to finding a good prospect.
Because, you see, there ARE good men out there waiting and willing to be
your knight or whatever… but are you really woman enough to be their partner??
IN
CLOSING (unless I feel provoked again!!)
As
I set my course for Omaha, I felt comfortable with the bet that I was
making. For the most part it has paid
off, as I don’t worry much about folks doing the vulture and waiting for that
moment to eat me for dinner… or should I say trying to make a meal out of
me. It could have been a HUGE mess if I was
wrong, but even had I been, I still would have had to hustle my way to a place
that was better. But I steadfastly
believe that if you are not willing to make an investment in the structural
changes that YOU need to make to attract the love you desire in your life, you
will never get it. And there are whiny
men who are victims of the same kind of circular logic… the cat who called
himself “Joe Blessing” was among them.
But if you find yourself in a situation where you are tired of hearing
this, of saying that, and being in the situation that reminds you of another
situation from another relationship… I gots nothing for you, at all.
Each
and every single one of my days are greatly appreciated and I live each one
fueled by the power of intention. I
intend to be nice, thoughtful and kind… I intend to be lovable and loving… I
intend to be respectful and courteous… I intend to be the thing that I want to
see in this world. But to assume that
because “you don’t get it” as to why I or anyone else that you may know shows
an interest in, wants to do something that does not make sense to you, is the
thinking of someone who is naïve, short-sighted, and stupid. And though this may sound harsh, the only “wisdom”
that Motherhood bequeaths upon a woman is that they have a better understanding
of what an “obstetrician” does. Not to
diss, but Motherhood is OJT… and do you know what else is on-the-job training?
Life. You only get one… are you making the most of
it..?
2 comments:
...my children are adopted. So the whole obstetrician thing escapes me.
If one finds themselves seemingly repeating relationships... it simply means you didn't get the lesson the first time or the other times after that. each relationship...encounter is to teach us how to get to our better selves.
And the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I am not understanding you... you seem to be harsh in some areas and delightful in others.
Forgive me the intrusion. I don't know you.
Life, just gotta live it!
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