Thursday, January 26, 2012



While I do feel remorse for some of the things I have done while I was ‘active’ on the dating scene, it isn’t that it was that difficult to ‘shake and bake’ and get someone out of their panties.  For me it was less about my being a misogynistic predator as I feel that what happened was how I was observed changed.  Though I am prolly a different cat from when I was 17 and headed for the Army, I don’t think I have essentially changed from the cat who was stuck in a sort of social limbo between ‘the freaks and geeks’ and ‘ the cool in-crowd’.

After all, I am the same eclectic, open-minded, fringe thinker that I have always been.  I can see myself listening to the same kind of mopey, ironic, indie rock/electronic/classic rock music that I have listened to for most of my life.  I still appreciate the opposing view before I disagree with whatever someone has to say and as always, I am willing to stand my ground even when I may have been wrong, and then admit to my mistake.

Now I don’t have a whole lot to say about my so-called love life because while it isn’t exactly non-existent, it has not become a first-tier priority for me.  In fact, I don’t know what it would take for me to make a relationship something that is a part of my daily concerns.  As much as I struggle with my classes I am not up for the monkey-shines and shenanigans that women play, and case in point was the mentioning of not just the ‘Maybe Miss’ popping up but the TIMING of her return to my life.

She slid out the back door in the middle of November, oddly enough, just when I thought things were about to ratchet up between us.  Then, a few weeks into January I get the ‘howyadoin’’ email from her.  Now I am wondering did anyone else catch the significance of the timing between our contacts?  Trust me, there is and I will point out why some folks get all caught up when stuff like this happens.

Of course this would not be a Mark entry without a digression or two.  In my Comp 2 class I am almost certain that there is a woman who has me on her wish list.  I have caught her looking my way not because I am looking hers, but that I can ‘feel’ her looking at me.  See, I sit in the front row on a diagonal from her seat.  I have also made it rule to make sure I am vocal in whatever class I am in, so that the instructor knows that the cat with the injury is going to be a participating member of the class!  So that means that while there is usually a reason to look at me as I am talking with the instructor or in the class discussion, still, I can tell when someone is looking AT me.

Last week she just happened to show me a picture of her ex-boyfriend when we broke off into workgroups… a cat of whom it could be said vaguely resembled me, as we both are big and athletic cats.  Anywho, we were exchanging ideas and small talk in class until break time came and she got up to go outside.  My comp class is on the second floor so that meant she had to walk downstairs and stand out in the brisk morning air… to smoke.  WTF??

Were I doing any ‘active pinging’ in this quadrant, I guess I would have to put a red ‘X’ on the area where she would have been mapped.  I haven’t hassled with a regular smoker since the 80’s and the ones who did smoke, Delta, Mookie and the SFC, really were not habitual, smoking once every so often for stress.  At any rate, they did not smoke at the rate I once consumed Butterfingers!! 

So I don’t lose anyone, the deal with smoking is a non-starter.  That is one of the few things that absolutely make any relationship prohibitive for me.  I mean, what, she is going to need one after we do the dirty and whatever?  Dinner, on the way home from the movies..?  What is THAT going to be like? 

Back on track… so did anyone catch the significance of the ebb and flow to the Miss Maybe yet?  Now your girl Deborrah Cooper would have you believe that only black men are capable of bullsh*t in a relationship but I am here to tell you that women smurf-up a lot of relationships too.


I really big on knowing as much as you can about your surroundings, knowing what kind of ‘grounds’ you are on whenever you are engaging a person in a relationship.  Because I like to be ‘forward’ when it comes to meeting a woman, I scan and ‘ping’ to see if I can pick up the interest OR THE POSSIBLITLY OF INTEREST in a woman.  Hey, just because I am cuddly does not mean I am not a predator myself!  But just like a great white can run up on nearly everything in the sea but a killer whale so they steer clear when they see ‘em I ain’t so full of myself that I don’t know when I am not playing the game but am instead a piece on the board being moved!

When I met this woman I knew that I was not in a completely advantageous position when we encountered each other and that I put a lot into her good will in considering whether or not it would be worth me opening up.  And I have to tell you that early into the dating that she showed up strong.  I was impressed and I also thought that for sure, the possibility that she would be ‘different’ was strong.

Then came the reasons that make winning on the road so darned difficult… the restaurants are different, you are out of balance because the sights are different and you don’t know your way around.  Could be a time change, traveling to a different time zone, and then ‘practice and preparation’ is skewed because you have to adjust for the facilities and its relation to where ‘the game is played’.  So many niggling things that grow on the road along with the larger things that flat out become huge is a phenomenon that often occurs on the road.

What the previous paragraph translates to is that I had no way of confirming anything about her, well, not anything but crucial things that her early showing obscured me to.  And since I don’t want anyone to think that it was sexual, I will say that it wasn’t anything remotely close to anything like that.  But what she did was entered into the equation where I insert ‘character’ and the numbers began to look like Enron stock in the early 90’s.

But getting back to my football metaphor, she was like a mid-to-late second round draft choice, someone who may even slide into the 3rd round having a good day at the draft combo and her stock rose beyond her actual performance resume.  Once she gets into camp and into an actual game…

Now this is where so many of the women who go on to read stuff like “Surviving Dating”, do so and why they identify with the thin stereotypes of Tyler Perry fall into disarray.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out something isn’t exactly right, right?  So why do women continue their relationship with someone who is not totally present or even giving them a reasonable facsimile of being there with you in the relationship?


…political Tea Bagger?  Jus’ sayin’…


LceeL said...

As of this coming February 14th, it will be 30 years since I quit smoking.

Here's a poem I wrote 37 years ago - between marriages, full of angst - and sometimes (just sometimes, mind you) humor.

"Lying here, next to you in darkness, deep,
But wide awake, Love, and unable to
I think of all that we've just done,
the agony,
the ecstasy,
the torment,
the fun,
And I realize why, I can't sleep yet,
I haven't had
my cigarette.

Beth said...

Can you believe Ken and I used to smoke? Quitting was probably the best thing we ever did (other than getting married, haha). I don't want to be one of "those" people who wrinkles up her nose when she smells smoke, but I kind of can't help it. It bothers me now (although not to the extent of making me ill or anything) and I find it rather unpleasant. I can smell it a mile away, too. I'll walk by someone in the store and I'll smell it oozing off of them. Bleah. I don't blame you a bit for it being a dealbreaker for you.


Have Myelin? said...

I quit smoking January 28, 1986 - right when the Challenger blew up. I put my pack down and quit. Never looked back. I cannot explain the connection except to say I was horrified.

For me it's a dealbreaker because who wants to kiss an ash tray?

FrankandMary said...

I quit while running an oncology just didn't seem right. And watching( had a picture window by my desk) all those people take cigarette breaks in between chemo was heartbreaking.

I happen to love fringe thinkers.

Plenty of people continue all sort & manner of relationships because they do not want to be alone...even if they kind of are anyway. Don't ask. I don't really get it either.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

The key is observing when they are not all there when they are there.