Friday, June 11, 2010

DRAMAMINE



I have taken to including music in my entries more regularly now than I think I have in the past. A lot of it is to add to the readers experience, listening to stuff that maybe some aren't familiar with or hopefully creating a bridge to which we connect and identify with one another. For instance when I put up the video of the Talking Heads not too long ago, I know a couple of cats 'n kittens mentioning how much they enjoy the stylings of the Talking Heads.

One of their songs is another touchstone song for me and one of the comments mentioned that it had significance for them as well. I think that the enternal struggle of the imagine middle class male is aptly portrayed in the video and the song 'Once In A Lifetime'. It is my second most favorite song and it still sends tremors through my body when I hear it.




I still remember looking forward to being strung out with mortgage payments, college loans, and trying to pay for dancing lessons that don't seem to be taking and schlepping around in a dreaded mini-van while some Johnny Football player is driving around in his Dad's ZX and complaining that he didn't get the new Mustang he was hoping for.

Anyone else remember the movie 'Falling Down' with Michael Douglas? He was clearly a man who would not take it anymore. I wonder how different his frustrations with the world at large is different from any of the Tea Baggers or any of the voiceless urban cats, who are wondering when someone is going to speak for them. The other day there looked to be hundreds of people at branch of the Michigan Employment Agency, to apply for a new supplier to Chysler. They had only 150 positions available and I ran into people who were thinking that they were applying for Chrysler. The desperation on some of the faces of the folks made my heart hurt.

Another reason that I have been including more videos is there is an epic sadness dogging me and I haven't quite been able to shake it. The lure of the 'Great American Southwest' for me has been that it is a place you could disappear in and the isolation isn't relative, but real.








I think that I would like a 'weekend pass' or something where I can forget some of what I am experiencing. Sometimes I don't think I am moving forward at all, even when I know that I have done all that I can do at this time. The impatience of finally being in my own space and being able to not sit around naked (because I think that is weird, even though I know folks do enjoy being able to be in their birthday suit... as much as I dig mine, I still can't bring myself to walk around 'nekkid' in my own space!) and bake cookies and not be reminded of... things... and people.



The better times, maybe the best of my times have seemed to be when I was alone and in pursuit of my space, the volume of life that I am supposed to occupy and measure.



Since my daughter hasn't released her phone number to me, I will keep my infernal Facebook profile on. I have had one special someone ask if I was doing alright... and I think that the answer right now is that I am not. Not that my blues are any 'bluesier' than anyone else's, it is the interminable wait as things wind their way through the system and then the stupid finances of getting from here and getting to Omaha and settled.



I mentioned Nixxie sent me pictures of our girl... in the conversation that we had that day, she asked what will I be doing this summer... KT is free ... if I was in Nebraska then we could go halfsies on plane fare...

Haven't shared a picture of her out here before... but she is such a beautiful girl. Lexxie still haven't got around to sending me our pictures, but once she does, I may post it too. She looks like her Mom in this shot but she really DOES favor me.

Maybe I will get to the question that my nephew asked me the other day... that has been lingering on my mind too.

And if anyone actually reads down this far, they should give themselves a pat on the back and consider this their humanitarian deed for the month..!

7 comments:

mrs. miss alaineus said...

she's radiant mark

xxalainaxx

Thomas said...

That Talking Heads song is one of my favorites. The lyrics are just incredible.

Be careful, Mark- it's the beautiful ones that give you problems. ;)

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Great picture, love her cheekbones. Hang in there, you will be on the road again in no time.

Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

"Same as it ever was . . . same as it ever was!"

Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

Your daughter is beautiful Mark!

Beth said...

She's beautiful, Mark...and yes, she DOES favor you!

Also love that TH song, and sometimes like to use those lines, "How did I get here...my God! What have I done?"

Her Side said...

Lovely daughter, Mark.

Something tells me your blues won't get the best of you. Sometimes sitting still IS progress.

Thinking of you...