Monday, November 30, 2009


It was a nice, calm one in these parts. Didn't do too much of anything, which can be a good thing. I have always been one that has felt that the appreciation of not having a hectic holiday gets a short shrift.

Haven't been bothering with the news too much, as I have had to try to concentrate and deal with my inner 'James at 16' and work my way out of whatever I am in.


I want everyone who have left 'can do comments', to know that I do appreciate their words. I do take them to heart and reflect upon them when I face different challenges. But man, I am tired, tired, tired.

There hasn't been too much of 'when it's gonna happen for me', talk from me. More than once, I have had the chance make my life happen. Each time that I want to feel down about how things have ended up, I can't escape what decision I made that made the difference.

For someone who has been so irresponsible, I feel the weight of being responsible for a lot of stuff. And some of it, perhaps I shouldn't have to carry that weight. Yet when it comes to saying, 'because of ...', the words catch in my throat.

Had I simply done what I felt that I should have done ... sorry, if I am talking in circles, but it feels like I am 'driving straight' to me. 'Keeping my eyes on the road' is a personal issue that I hoped to avoid. For some odd reason, I don't think that I have always kept myself 'first' in my life.

Figuring out where I wanted to go from the 'provencial town I jogged 'round' to getting out west took a lot of time and effort. To me, it wasn't random. It was a with a purpose.

I don't think I will revisit this subject until I know what I am going to do.


Beth said...

sounds like we might be going through something of the same thing, huh? self reflection is a good thing Mark...keep it up. sometimes you find stuff yo didn't know you had...and other times you find out stuff you wish you could forget. But its all worth it in the end.

Be safe friend.xoxox

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Going from solitude to relationship is tough, but you are better for it. Focus on the future and what can be, you both deserve nothing less.

That corgi :) said...

I think Ken said it really well, Mark; I can't think of anything to add to it. But I'm glad you had a nice calm holiday; those are always the best for me


David Dust said...

Mark -

That video is hysterical - thanks for posting it.

BTW, I hope things are going well for you, and you are working through all the pain-in-the ass issues we call "life". Why does everything sometimes seem so difficult?!?

Hang in there...