What I Strive Towards

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR ARE 'NEW'

Maybe he could have handled it differently. But this is his first time as a head coach, and he got the job unexpectedly. But he also indicated (thru inference) that he looked at the day with those 'fresh' eyes you have when you walk into a job, and expect to make a difference.

Mike Singletary, whether he should have kept this in the locker room or not, was more than fair. He covered all the leadership keys. He talked more about 'we' than an individual. "They want it to change." He did not keep blaming the cat for what he did, and he made sure that he took enough responsiblity for what could have been better.

Certainly 'kept it real'. That was 'keeping it real', not letting anyone become more than the whole, that everyone in their own way wants to be 'winners'. Did not blame, but let it be known that it will get corrected.

I liked how he struggled in trying to express the difference of saying, "it going to change," from the typical saying of that phrase, hollow and with insincerity. When he said it a second time, "It will change", I don't know about you, but I KNEW what he meant. He said it, that it is that THEY want it to change.

He brought up an example that of course, parallels much of what I talk about, personal relationships. Sometimes, you can be in a bad relationship for so long, even though you think you are trying to pull things up into positive, that after awhile, because you are focused on what you do well, and NOT what you do poorly, that you become part of the problem.

Most people, including me, are often unaware of what they do, as far as making things unworkable. That is for another conversation, because what I heard in Mike's press conference is what I hope to be about as a person.

A NO

Mike spoke about how it was 'good for him'. He talked in a way that you can tell he had the after you graduate college and you ready for success feeling. And Sunday, he could see that it wasn't going to happen just because he was in the head coach's seat. The mindset is what needs to be changed. And how is he going to go about it.

The identity of that team is going to be one where 'they hit people in the mouth'. What it means is that the rough and tough, hard work that goes into winning is going to be something that you can count on from the 49'ers while he is coach.

"Hitting people in the mouth." "Working to the body." "Rebounding." "Digging the puck out of the corners." "Hitting behind the runner." Sport metaphors for doing the small things that winners do that people who don't win as often, don't.

In a relationship, what are those things? Is it going to her parents for Sunday dinner? How about putting up with a house full of men on THURSDAY NIGHT for a football game with teams you didn't know even EXISTED? What are you going to do?

Me? I am going to get dressed and go to her parents, keep a civil tongue in my head, even though we both know that her brother is going to bait me and her little sister thinks she is 'Lolita' and likes to court attention. Her? Yes, she is going to stop at the store, get chips and sandwiches and make enough at the very least for the first round. And when everyone leaves, going to get that den back together.

When you realize that it is this, as well as the other 'unspectatcular' things, like washing out the tub and putting the seat down, taking out the garbage when it slips someones mind without having to make a point of it, that you start taking the steps towards being happy with someone. Don't give in to the 'Single Mother's Club' attitude, or what 'LeRoy and Skillet' say on the corner at the store. Do what is right. Don't do what is not.

A STRAIGHT LINE

After all, it is the shortest distance between two points.

To me, once you have decided on where you are headed, no matter what you 'guess' is going to happen, you NEXT STEP had better be in the direction that you have fixed yourself upon. I know, many people want to say, "But Mark, stuff happens, you can't always go straight." I understand, and I agree.

BUT, when you are in process, every step you observe yourself as taking, is going in the direction you want to go in. As a boxer, I know that I will get hit. But I don't anticipate getting hit, getting hurt. My training prepares me for that. What I am focused on, is happening to the OTHER guy.

Getting on the inside, fighting at distance, whatever was called for, fighting on whatever terms the bout was fought on, each step was going to be measured by ONE thing. It is easy to say what isn't going to happen, because others don't see it. For instance, this idea of dating people from the past, in hopes of finding a future with someone, does NOT seem like a good idea.

For you. But for me, it is sound. So I made sure that is what my first step was, and I called Mookie. That didn't work, but the idea is still a sound one.

For me.

A GOAL

Though there are variances in the path to the end point, there are striking similiarities in the stories that describe how people got there. Again, going back to Mike Singletary's press conference, what I heard were all the things that make up great leadership. He made a point of making it about 'us' and definitely about 'me'. He made it clear that he was disappointed in what happened, but there was definitely room for Vernon Davis, the player in question, to get back into good standing.

Oh, and he did not set himself outside and above the problem, and again, in a very realistic way, made it a point to let everyone know that he was not above responsibility for what happened. He knows that there were some things he could have done differently, and he acknowledge that.

Some people as they get to know me, think that I am too bright eyed, looking at life with rose colored glasses. Well, Alaina could vouch for some of the neighborhoods I talk about, and Tawnya (isn't that the sexy way you spell 'Tawnya'. You expect to see that on someone's name tag at Hef's mansion!) as well. I keep trying to tell you, I have had to EARN wearing these glasses. Which is to say, I understand what it is going to take to get from 'here to there'. This isn't a 'Sleeping Beauty' just laying there for Prince Charming to stumble along and find her.

And this isn't someone who IS in Prince Charming either! Why would you fall for someone who is just lying there anyway? Necrophilac ... is that is what Prince Charming is about? How stupid is HE? Besides even at best, having a empty shell of a partner who is just 'there' and not contributing anything to the relationship is not the best kind of partner, to me.

What is it that you want? What is most important to you? You do have to choose, and when you make that choice, go after it. If finding a lot of money and owning a mansion and a yacht, then you want to be Elmer J. Fudd! Go and get to doing that!

"The worst thing than dying young, is to live a love life, with out finding your true love." - Les Brown.

He used to speak at schools around the Metro area back when he was on his way up. The quote is one I got from a tape of his appearance at a church in the Metro. Keep it and listen to it every now and again, along with Betty's cd's. The point is, I know what I believe in... and that is more than good enough for me.

You have got to make what you think will work, work. That is why I use sports as metaphors so much. The Giants weren't supposed to be the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Does anyone remember NC State beating Houston with their 'Phi Slamma Jamma'? You KNOW I remember when David Thompson was unstoppable against UCLA back in the long ago.

Talk about applied faith. And some of what Mark Twain said, "all one has to have is ignorance and determination, and success is sure."

Hmm, as this is running on, I feel a theme is developing. Gonna have to sit down and figure it out. So NOT going to figure out the 'troika' of AKA, ex-wife, and Tee Jay. Maybe need to add Nebraska to that. Because gentle reader, on the outside and running quite strongly, is one that for whatever reason went unnoticed by the odds makers, and was not even a line given as the race begun ...

... anywho, (actually, I do that purposely, even in everyday speech) I really could identify with what Mike was talking about. I know what I would like said about me where it is said that I resemble the qualities that he displayed at his press conference.