DARKHORSES

SOMETIMES, I GET AHEAD OF MYSELF

Almost left a comment on another journal regarding some socio-political stuff. Somehow, it didn't take, and I was glad for it. Said more than I prolly should have, and that was that. Though I try to keep away from presidential stuff, I got all up and loose fingered at the discussion.

Fortunately, my comment didn't take, and that is a good thing. It really was full of hat and no cattle.

The bottom line is, whoever wins, the need is for them to be transcendent. FDR, JFK, Regan. And again, I thought this was going to be a Clinton presidency, and that is who I looked forward to casting my vote for.

Transcendent. Whoever wins.

DARKHORSES

Don't know who they are ... 'the unknonwn, unknowns.' Overlooked in competitions, often they come surging to the lead and throwing the entire race into a controll chaos, a disarray. Their finish in the lead often is shocking as they weren't given much thought to at the beginning of the race.

Haven't been able to get into a reg'lar routine as of yet, but that is another test, to see if I can cope with life going on around me. Because at some point, I am going to HAVE TO begin to deal, and that is that with that. But I do have some spots on my 'rounds', the Astoria downtown and the Skillman and Edison Branches of the DPL. The Family Dollar, where I pick up my junk foods and shaving kit stuff.

And the McDonald's kitty-corner from it.

Started going to it this summer, and one of the little cashier girls, look to me about high school age took a shine to me. I am pleasant, extremely so in person, so I didn't think much of it. Then I noticed a shift manager, who apparently had noticed me. Did she and the cashier talk about me? They end most all of our exchanges with 'God Bless You', and I guess they could be related. Something I picked up on.

So there has been an unspoken 'something' going on. I don't puff up this stuff for the sake of ego. I just notice things like this. I am quite cheerful, and the manager has a pretty smile. I do make a point of it to make her smile, even if I have to stand for a extra second or two, to get her going because maybe her day is not going well. If you let me, I will reach you and pull you up.

Again, if you let me. That also means that you WANT ME to do it.

She is pretty, and I get a good vibe from her. I am not one to jump the gun, because I am not new to this, this lonliness. All of this could be a figment of my imagination. My yearning could be mistaking good customer service and a limited affinity for something that isn't there.

Still ...

SOMETIMES, EXPERIENCE DOES COUNT

There was a time where I wondered how I would 'frame' this period of my life, at least the start of it. I wanted it to put it in a military frame, but I thought that would be a bit much, considering things. I didn't have much going on, and what I did experience, was what I did experience. Did get my combat badge, and that is that about that.

But what made it come to my mind was the experience of being somewhere far, far away from all that you know, and having to catch on by myself. Overseas, different parts of the country, I had to find and make my own way.

I would write letters, to everyone who I had an address for. Though I didn't expect to get one back for what I sent out, I think I should have gotten more, since I had family back in Detroit who should have noticed I wasn't around. It wasn't until I left my ex wife and went on to college, when I felt that 'everything changed'.

The rational I was given, didn't wash, and it left a little, thin, deep scar on my heart. I haven't forgotten that. In a time of what was then my hardest trials, I was undeniably left all alone. Haven't forgotten that. Which is why I am careful at Mickey Dee's. I am lonely, and who knows what it is I am picking up. I want to work on what I know, not what I need to guess at. That is why I plan on observing the new boundaries that have been set up with AKA. I won't 'guess' at anything right now.

Not only do I know what it is like to feel alone, I do know what it is like to BE alone. Go a few months sleeping in a car, and have no one try to reach you, then let their excuse be that they didn't have a number or address for you. So checking the envelope's return address is too difficult ... aw, don't get me started.

THE RESONANCE OF LONELY PLACES


The whisper of the winds on the solitary plains of life, the sound of a pair of feet against the pavement. Once you have been there, for real and not as some misfit teen, you remember that experience, no matter what else goes on in your life.

When I thought I would lose contact with all of my friends out here when AOL closed its shop, I didn't know what was going to happen. I am glad that I have made it this far, with you all for company. I was really hurt, but I kept to the faith that I have, that things were going to work out for the best.

I am glad that they have. I would have missed every one of you.

I have mentioned that Nebraska and I don't talk or trade email as much as you would think. Maybe now you have a little background to why it doesn't bother me as much, outwardly at least. On the first couple of levels of thinking. But at the next level, that is where 'whatever' lives.

And that is what makes 'the favorite' fall back to lead pack.


A catcus is an easy plant to care for, and difficult at the same time. Doesn't need much water, but what it does need, it needs in a specific amount. Or else, it can die.



What makes a particular darkhorse run stronger and stronger, coming from way off the lead, is that I AM getting stronger and stronger. Each day I have small tests, where I call on what I have to make it thru something, and with each one that I pass, the more confident that I grow ...



... with myself