... feeling clear-headed ...

... started my regular diary, then promptly misplaced it ... this was quite frustrating, as I am sure that I had some profound words to put to it, especially regarding my experience in this reality ...

... It isn't that one plans to fail ... but that one fails to plan ...

... that is part of what motivates me to keep a journal ... to see where I have been keeeping to my plans and hopes, and being able to measure it ...

... right now, I am getting sleepy ... I will catch up on Tuesday or Wednesday ...

The First Feel Good Day of the Spring ...

... Had another good conversation with SD ... I really miss her so ... she had an audition with the DSO for a small bit part in one of their productions ... I was like, just the experience of having the courage to audition is admirable, and I wished for us to have shared those moments ...

... I told her I finally got my stuff sent in, and am excited about it ... and it was in her voice, that she was excited about it too ... and 'it' being my on-line application for finacial aid so I can go to school ...

... I am expecting to use the two years at a juco to become eligible to teach ... some states let you teach with an associates, provided you were working towards your BA as you taught ... and this will help me find a 'friendlytown, USA' to live in, and another region to know ...

... now, earlier, I was hearing in my head, NIN's live version of the song 'Gave Up' ... don't really know WHY it was in there, but it definitely put a dampe on my day ... in fact, my being on her so late, is a sign of 'getting of the farm' ... now, there isn't a real 'farm' or 'reservation' even ... but the Industry is fairly begging for some sort of rules ...

... anyway, I am going to sleep, somehow typing words using the correct keystrokes, what has been my saving grace ... I have dosed off as I typed ... anyway, get back in here mambe tomorrown or if underdog comes my way ...

... and it is still going out ...

... well, I am trying to cut down on my internet time, and so, I won't be "blogging" as much, as I plan to start an old-fashoined diary ... it should be easier to maintain, as I won't have to bury myself in the basement ...

... there are a couple of things that are eating at me now ... one, was the life I frittered away ... that I had my computer to while away time until I found a direction ... a lot of my late night posting on boards and chatting could have been put to the side or controlled ... I see that now ... about $600 or so dollars is what made me unemployed ... had I bought a playstation 2 and my scooter, then I can envison an entire different scenario ... but even so, I still should have gotten my butt out of bed that day, and went on in ... now look at me ... unemployed, possibly unemployable ... and out of money ...

... what I now need to do, is to make the most of where I am, instead of frittering away time, feeling sorry for myself ... getting lost in my PS2, and my music ...

... I will update from time to time, and keep myself abreast of what is going on in the 'world' ... I still have many real issues to sort out, and I haven't been doing so, ANYWHERE ... I am sure that a I will keep things timely ... but I will star an maintain my 'journal' and just do updates on here ...

... now, SD and I talked about the show, 'The Contender' ... and my hats off to Mark Burnett ... because he can accurately capture the drama of boxing ... this is a sport that is the most intensely human ... while there are other sports with indvidual competition, boxing hearkens back to the earliest of primal man, when being the best ment you eat ...

... so start watching the show, 8pm on your local NBC stations on Sunday night ... you won't regret it ...

... Indy, the fire is going out!

... and I really feel like Karen Allen's character did in 'Temple of Doom' when she uttered that line in the secret tomb, filled with snakes ...

... I don't remember when my last fight was, but I am about to spend the last of my purse from it ... it could have possibly been over two months ago, but the point is, I have no way of making money, so as each dollar is spent, the more it resembles a flickering light that is about to go out ...

... not only that, but I was riding my scooter with no oil ... so now, it sounds ready to give up the ghost ... and you don't have to be Oliver Hardy to point out that this 'is another fine mess' that I am in ...

... have an interview at the Lansing Boys & Girls club ... and me would likey workin' there ... but I thought I had real chances at other interviews, much less, just putting in an application .... oh wait, she has already called me ... I am going in for an interview ... hopefully, she wont be stymied by my ethnicity, and can judge me on my merits ...

... well, I will know tomorrow!

... e mail ...

... SD emailed me ... a first for everything ...

... so now, I just need to go forward and move ahead ... it has been detected, and it is not to late ...

... that is it for today ... do taxes and finish finacial aide paperwork ... peace out my brother and sister!!

... always on my mind ...

... well, it seems that was a failed exercise in opening up ...

... my previous entry was one I had hoped that I would be able to give like a 'state I am in' kind of thing' ...

... but I couldn't get it out ...

... Now, with Mookie Dee, I am to her, what others, namely My Delta Girl and the beloved Tee Jay were to me ... her true love ...

... this is something new to me, and as the saying, 'uneasy lies the head that wears the crown', implies, I am not really comfortable with that ... and no doubt, because of my feelings to get out of this mess I have made in my life, includes leaving her and lil' Mook in the charred and burnt ruins ...

... oh, and same for AKA ... and I think she truly loves me ... but the biggest thing is, I don't find her as attractive a package as I did when I first spied her ...

... so that is TWO that will despise me, if indeed I carry to a planning stage my intentions ...

... and if I do plan this, and act on it,there can be NO looking back ... AT ALL ... this can't be like it was with my ex wife, or Sandy Ann ... with all the back and forth ... in fact, ditchin' Mook, is a scortched earth policy of the highest order ...

... the LZ is all prepped and ready to go ... so the only thing left is to jump and trust in the equipment ... meaning, that SD is ready and willing to take me in, but first I have to get my ducks in a row, go to school and make progress towards a career of some sort ...

... and it sounds so simple ... but it isn't always ...