Thursday, March 3, 2005

... always on my mind ...

... well, it seems that was a failed exercise in opening up ...

... my previous entry was one I had hoped that I would be able to give like a 'state I am in' kind of thing' ...

... but I couldn't get it out ...

... Now, with Mookie Dee, I am to her, what others, namely My Delta Girl and the beloved Tee Jay were to me ... her true love ...

... this is something new to me, and as the saying, 'uneasy lies the head that wears the crown', implies, I am not really comfortable with that ... and no doubt, because of my feelings to get out of this mess I have made in my life, includes leaving her and lil' Mook in the charred and burnt ruins ...

... oh, and same for AKA ... and I think she truly loves me ... but the biggest thing is, I don't find her as attractive a package as I did when I first spied her ...

... so that is TWO that will despise me, if indeed I carry to a planning stage my intentions ...

... and if I do plan this, and act on it,there can be NO looking back ... AT ALL ... this can't be like it was with my ex wife, or Sandy Ann ... with all the back and forth ... in fact, ditchin' Mook, is a scortched earth policy of the highest order ...

... the LZ is all prepped and ready to go ... so the only thing left is to jump and trust in the equipment ... meaning, that SD is ready and willing to take me in, but first I have to get my ducks in a row, go to school and make progress towards a career of some sort ...

... and it sounds so simple ... but it isn't always ...

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