DO NOT SHUT OUT THE LIGHT IF YOU ARE FEARING DARKNESS... DO NOT FEAR THE FALL IF THE ONLY WAY LEFT IS UP

“Don’t let the darkness from your past block the light of joy in your present. What happened is done. Stop giving time to things which no longer exist, when there is so much joy to be found here and now.”  ~Karen Salmansohn https://abbiestreehouse.com/2020/03/07/beware-of-darkness/

One of the truths that I have encountered which most often goes overlooked is the difficulty that one encounters in creating oneself.  I, for one, do not think that anyone should have a date in mind when they begin observing the application of new habits that are to coalesce into a new personality, a new character.  In fact, by using the dimension of time to create a sense of urgency, does not add anything to the achievement of a goal.  I believe that ultimatums only give a person a reason to rebel.  The commitment to something overarching changes in character, changes that have embedded in their intentions the that a person has a goal in mind, seems to work out much better.  Examples of such would be countries who place a higher priority on fitness for their children.  All of the benefits that can be chosen to represent the WHY exercise should be a priority are all part of the HOW, as much as including exercise in school curriculums, is important.

When change is desired, there is no timetable that should be set.  The road, the journey, and NOT the destination, is the goal.  Constant improvement, along with progress, no matter how incremental, is the target.  Much of what makes up “unhappiness” is nothing more than envy and impatience from what is seen through the mediums of television, the internet, or a combination of social confusion brought on by external sources.  As long as one is willing to adhere to the constraints that achievement places on the one who seeks to do something great, unhappiness should decrease.  Even saying that, “...to do something great…” could be somewhat of an overstatement.  Fulfilling the potential that one carries within oneself is the aim… what is great is subject to study and to history, with no effect on the present moment.

One of the reasons that I had forsook journaling when I was younger was the belief that chronicling the miseries of being a teenager would not be beneficial to me. Recalling a conversation I once had in high school on “why didn’t I try to date someone who was into the same things (interests) that I was into”, I remember crafting a reply that contained words that would indicate the lack of desire that I had for a girlfriend who could sit with me and be sad over the Smiths and their mournful music.  My teenage years were not going to be revisited with fondness, as the alienation that I felt was due to being born into a generation that would provide the foundation to the multi-cultural society of the present, only served to make me further retreat into myself.  It would not be until I found myself in the midst of my floundering relationship with Mookie Dee that I was to find any real use to journaling, as not coincidentally, my lack of journaling when I was with Hello Kitty prolly did not benefit either of us.

YET HERE WE ARE

I have already stated what brings me back to journaling.  The clarity that it brings to thinking and life-plans, to say nothing of the social aspect.  Having a relatively objective look on how close I am adhering to what I claim to be my aims and the actual course that my actions lead me upon is of incalculable benefit to me, as I WILL NOT be sharing my feelings with anyone who exists in the same temporal location that I occupy!  F*ck that… having that as a trait is how I got this far… and while it could have been better, much worse has always been a shadow that motivated me.  

Consistency is the key - that is what I put up in the room I shared at my first duty station in Taegu.  While that is a nearly 35 year-old self-made motivational phrase, it is timeless as any of the other sayings and phrases of note.  At 17, I was sure that even without great talent or being gifted abilities, that if one was merely consistent in their pursuit, that big things were to be had.  That is what this era of being will be about… to be tireless in the pursuit of my will, the fruit of my desires.  “You are what you repeatedly do.”-Aristotle.  This period of my life is really more about going back to the reasoning that led me to Omaha, my acknowledging and responding to the field of energy that reached out and linked me here.  To say nothing of simply doing what is best of all choices in situations.  Often, it is the choices to do the easier or lesser than that have led me astray, frequently spiraling out of my control, finding me in the position of making what I can of a situation rather than being in a position to continue building towards a goal.

Developing the focus that is necessary to accomplish higher goals is a trait that has been missing in my character. Fearlessly, I have decided to completely change how it is that I view the world.  This is necessary, as I do not want to be someone who has to live with a “what if” hanging around his neck.  While my dream of being the best “heavyweight of the universe” is not a goal that I can aim for, even while I chased that dream, I cannot believe that it was my ultimate life goal.

Chasing down a dream… survivor bias or not, the pursuit of my destiny is my only obligation.