THE GOAL OF THE PARTY

VICTORY ON THE AFRICAN FRONT

Someone who can put the seemingly coincidental and totally abstract concepts of what civilization means into words better than I can (not could… heck, quantum mechanics allows me to make the case that since I COULD HAVE then it is possible that I STILL AM THAT PERSON somewhere in reality and that this take on the topic IS the best of all possible takes..!) should be trying to describe what is on my mind.  This is also going to be a divergence from my general take on my life and the course I am heading.  I think that things have been coming into a sharper focus and I need to get those thoughts down and bring them into reality.

KT has chosen me to be the emotional side of her parental unit.  She is comfortable telling me things about her life that I think makes us friends as well as a parent/child unit.  But, we have never had the opportunity to live together, so I have always felt a little awkward that I am one of, if not the bestest of her friends.  This is a place of honor that I have always cherished but kind of felt guilty about.  She has never been around me when I am going through stuff… unlike with her Mom and family in Carolina.  Sometimes her emotions are centered on being alone in and with her thoughts.  I have wondered if this, along with other things, are traits that she has no model for their identification because she did not grow up with having the other half of the genetic material that created her.  She has never seen how I handle things and how my mind takes the illusions that make the reality I live in.  

With the virus worry that is gripping the nation, I sort of had a moment this week.  My current “partner-in-training” has suggested that I should get an Iphone, so that I can do facetime with KT.  She offered to let me use her phone to call and look at my daughter as we spoke and I did just that!  But this was on Tuesday, when my anxieties reached their crest height… precisely when I wanted to speak to KT.

One of the things that I have been grateful for is the relationship that we have.  It is a real thing, tangible.  Yet, never having lived with anyone display the kind of traits that makes her feel isolated, calling her in my state-of-flux, was a touchstone moment for the both of us.  I remember how loneliness would creep upon me when I was her age… the biggest difference between us is that I expected what I have encountered (for the most part).  Also, by sharing my “moment” with her, I feel it brought us closer, maybe even more than I could imagine.  

Some of the factors that made my moment happen is due to how I process the world around me.  I am likely the last person to dismiss someone out-of-hand, especially if I cannot be any more definitive about a thing than they are.  Yes, there is a corner bookshelf in my mind where I store my “conspiracy paraphernalia”.  It is not a lot of stuff, but they tend to have a few things that I believe allows them to cross the “common sense barrier” and enter into the realm of possibility.  This, the coronavirus, is one of them.

Look, I get it.  The Chinese have weird meat sources… everyone on a continent not named “Antarctica” have humans that eat strange food… and that is because we, humans, are OMNIVORES.   To point to another ethnic group and question their diet is small-minded.  I have been wondering for years when folks will get theirs from pig’s feet and head cheese.  There are SOO MANY WEIRD FOODS in the western diet that leaves no room to talk about the dietary habits of other people in the world, whose diets are based less on convenience and more on sustenance.  As I try not to get all Chomsky in here, the profit motive shapes and curates the food that we eat as well as our dietary habits in the States.

So with that as a starter point, it would not be long before I was at the collapse of civilization( or at least what we consider “civilization” to be).  I saw (see?) governmental overreach as the low-information voter would be ready to cede their freedoms if they were promised a little bit of help.  I also can see where the divide between different social factions would drive the group divide even deeper, and more fractured.  And I am going to pause for a personal tangent, one that I hope sets up where I plan to go and get closer to the heart of my anxieties.

It is very easy to dispel people who believe in conspiracy theories.  While they seem to defy logic, what many seem to fail to realize is that there are roots strong as the ones that give life to Yggdrasil.  And as with really deep roots, one can only wonder how far they run.

First, there is always some truth in some of the conspiracy ideas that people flaut.  My Mother would roll her eyes at my cousin and me as we would go on about some (to her) half-baked theory or explanation of a politically-driven motive of the United States.  I know that when I was a kid and trying to get into Noam Chomsky among others, combing his work with Orwellian theories about the State, and other futurists who saw how grim things could become, I stopped throwing away the “rantings” that I would hear… because in many of them, a shred of truth was contained, and THAT is where my “what ifs” would begin to trouble me.

Second, like I have mentioned, there is enough “X-Files” truth to some of the ideas that one would be induced to take a closer look down the rabbit hole.  You don’t think that the Government would not risk lives to experiment on people that it felt was expendable and the profit motive gave reason enough to do so?  The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment was a “thing”.  COINTELPRO was a “thing”.  And those are a few of the more mainstream crimes that Big Bro--, excuse me, THE GOVERNMENT have committed against citizens, citizens that a shadow group in power deemed unnecessary.  So when the “wake up, sheeple” cries are sounded, I have my own vetting process to go through before I consider Alex Jones to be a tool of the very system he is claiming to fight.  Sooo….

The highlighted part of this entry is from the linked thread on another blog.  Is Evangeline Lily, C-list actress, brilliant?  I am not in a position to say so.  She sounds like a libertarian from Cheyenne to me.  But, in her comments I hear Ben Franklin… and in my bones, I feel the confirmation from being proof of the treachery that “Those Who Sit Above In Shadow” will commit in the name of power and domination.  Anywho, I saw what she said and immediately thought of the words of one of the nation’s founders.  The thing that I wonder, before people write her off as one of those wacky Hollywood stars, do some due diligence, you know, YOUR JOB AS A REPORTER and find out WHY she feels that way instead of a sensationalized sound bite.

STUART

I cannot begin to grasp how many times I would listen to this song in lieu of a conversation with another person.  A good friend of mine from this era would always bring up this “weird song” and say that I was “in search of a Stuart” to share my ravings with.  I did not care then, and I care even less than I do now.

At the start of the previous decade, there was the “Great War To End All Wars”, as well as the Great Depressions, to give character to the 20th Century.  What is the beginning of this century going to foretell?  We race even faster to the more dystopia, a blend between “1984” of Orwell and the “Brave New World” of Huxley.  They are simply different sides of the same coin, leaving little to no hope for the great masses of men.

So I formally apologized to KT.  I feel like my generation did not do enough to maintain the class freedom for her generation.  She is super smart, very beautiful, and sometimes, she even talks as though she has a head on her shoulder and there is something functioning in it!  The anxiety in me has been dialed back a bit, and I will get back to building my 5-year plan, and I use that phrase with NO IRONY AT ALL.  We are going to be in Georgia, I am going to die with my daughters and near my sisters, and that is what I will focus on.  And yes, I am still that, “poor pro black ni**a”