ANOTHER POST ABOUT RELATIVELY NOTHING

CHECKING IN WHILST BEING CHECKED OUT It hasn’t been difficult to write.  I really haven’t been having any grains of sand in my gearing that I have found worth journaling.  The most frustrating thing that has happened in the past few months has been confusion with automatic withdrawals from my checking account.  Otherwise, things have gone well, looking forward to the New Year.  Not that there aren’t “things” to journal about, but that kind of gossipy, dramatic retelling of what happens when the infinite membranes of realities bump into one another, well, the notion that those collisions are nothing more than the consequences of infinite regression, are the kinds of thoughts I am seeking to eliminate from my thinking.

Tomorrow is the meeting with the management at Pinnacle and a potential coach and partner in my Rock Steady franchise.  She has been operating a “bootleg” franchise and wants a legitimate partner to team up with.  Hopefully, we will be able to develop a “quid pro quo” and we can each grow from the process!

One of the frustrating things about my injury has been the fickleness of it.  The memories that fall out of my processing is extremely random.  While I can’t account for the loss of childhood memories (because there is no one to “prime” the thought processing), the thoughts that I encounter from day-to-day socializing, to the thoughts that I have with myself that I will get back to, frustratingly, seem to fall completely off the grid.  BUT, all is not lost.

My day-to-day processing is where I think my problem lies.  This is not to say that I am not injured, but I do believe that the brain muscle, like any other muscle, has to be worked out.  Since I have been away from school, I really have not had to exercise my brain and it has not been getting stronger, as life is starting to fall into a routine.  My memory of when I was in school and the contrast to being out of school is what spurred me to this hypothesis.  This is not diminishing the effects of my injury, but my decision to move to Omaha was a question of will.  Because I “live in my head” so much, being able to control my environment as much as I could reasonably manage was my priority in the stage of my life.  In fact, my adaptation to being “alone in Omaha” was based on how I handle and prioritize regimentation.  Having an understanding of who I am and the relation between that idea and how people view that projection, is something that I find many people lacking.  The challenge that I need lies in the ideas of existence… and the pursuit of those ideas.

KT shared with me that she simply, “loves to learn”.  Mind you, she is aware that you don’t really earn a lot of money by getting paid to learn, and she acknowledges as much.  But she reminds me of myself, in high school, and my admiration for “Howie”, a character on the Lee Majors television show, “The Fall Guy” and his broad and varied career in academia.  Between this “reflection” and her Mother’s begrudging appreciation for her pursuits, spurs the something that I share with my daughter, that want to “know things for knowing’s sake” in me.  Part of my goal in moving to Omaha was to make my injury look like the normal degradation of my senses and intellect due to aging.

There is a story idea in my head that I am determined to follow to its end.  I have spent the last month searching for the “spur” to this particular idea, but I may have to go on without it.  It will come back to me, eventually… of this, I am sure.  Just as I am sure that next August will find me in a classroom!