Wednesday, February 13, 2013



I really feel good about starting school in a few weeks.  The time that I took out as I adjusted to working was very necessary.  Because of the experience I will be better prepared to deal with hosting the Carolina Girl’s later in the year.

My Iron Man picture is up on my Skype profile, so big.mark243 is where I am at, and I am not sure if I have to pay or not, but I should have some credits when school starts.  I like the Iron Man icongraph because he was known years ago as “the golden Avenger”.  The relevance to me is that as a kid, I got called “yellow” a lot and yellow is a word that is used in describing some gold, right?  That is the same with Adam Warlock... as well as his mysterious, other-worldly story line.  His constant soul-searching mirrored the kind of inward gazing that I did as a kid, and his tortured soul was nearly always in a state of contemplation.

Though the Mighty Thor still is my favorite hero character, his foeman, the Destroyer, has to be one of the most formidable cats in comic-dom.  He has as much in common with Gort than he does any other being.  He is simply an enforcer of a rule, armed with the ability to destroy anything (though you know how it goes in fiction... there is always “something” that can’t be destroyed and he ends up being deterred) .  He is pretty relentless and his single-mindedness is a trait that I call on at times when I have to do something that is particularly formidable.


There is a line in this song, “...look at me without you, I’m quite proud of myself...” that is more about the anguish the speaker feels without their partner in their life than anything resembling “pride”.  But when I hear it, I DO THINK that I am quite proud of myself.  Undoubtedly, the song is meant to be one of loneliness, but I don’t hear it for “me” quite that way.

One of the major reasons that I would never suggest that a person reconsider a relationship with an ex- girl or boyfriend, is that after they have had all of the kind of emotions that are in this or any so-called “love song” pour out of them and acted upon, where is it do you start over from?  Help me to understand this, more for knowledge’s sake than anything.  But I have always tried to put my “everything” while we were still together and not think up new stuff now that we are apart.  I guess THAT is it... if you are finding this sudden burst of inspiration now that we have reach the edge of panic, why am I to think that you won’t shortchange me and the relationship again?

Anywho... I am also glad that I am single so that I can marshal all of my energies towards my own goals.  I don’t like being around people who not only cannot fathom why I make the decisions that I do, but have the gall to openly question whether or not something is a reasonable expectation to have.  Also, I don’t have to put up with anyone’s claims of “exclusivity” when it comes to managing life events that occur to them, shutting you out of thoughts because they don’t think that I have the depth of understanding to comprehend their trauma.  That was what frustrated me with Mookie Dee... I could have helped her manage “our” lives but that is not what she wanted.  Whether she felt that me, along with our relationship was nothing more than “a drag co-efficient” or not, I do know that when you think that you have to do it by yourself, then DO IT BY YOURSELF.  I would rather not be associated to the situation or incident(s) that are the result of your choices.

My apartment, while small and a little cluttered, is all mine.  I really enjoy eating cookies for breakie at my own choosing, and though I STILL don’t do a lot of strolling around in the nude, I love having that choice available.  And while I do have a care about being alone v. being lonely (because all the news and research about the difference is slightly troubling to me), I also know that I can take steps to avert the aggregation of factors that would contribute to my “emotional detriment”.  Like going out on the company-organized social outing this Saturday at a bowling alley.  Just to go sit around and smile and pretend to get to know people is a great way to “be active”.  And to be perfectly honest with you, Omaha just encourages me to be a part of the city.  I even plan on doing my own bit of “trash whispering”, taking the plastic bags and my picker, and doing my own little brand of “mobile beautification”.  It would fit in with my high visibility due to my conspicuous biking and running in my area.

Anywho... I am looking forward to my tutoring on Skype, and being a citizen of my new town.  Hope that everyone has a great day and someone to celebrate Valentine’s with this weekend..!


Ken Riches said...

Talked today with a new potential client/partner (Valley/Valmount), based out of Omaha. May be a trip out there in a few months...

FrankandMary said...

Living alone. In moments of unflinching honesty I must say I like being answerable only to my cats. And with my thorny mental history, I do not particularly want to subject anyone else (at least at that close-range)to the dramas & complexities that go with my illness. Life is bittersweet Mark, but I do believe you & I do our best to take advantage of the sweet. Pretend to get to know people. Oh, yeah. I do that, but something usually exposes my ambivalence. ~Mary

Thomas said...

I like the song. I'd never heard it before.