EVEN MORE FILLER

TACTICAL

“Solitude is a condition of peace that stands in direct opposition to loneliness. Loneliness is like sitting in an empty room and being aware of the space around you. It is a condition of separateness. Solitude is becoming one with the space around you. It is a condition of union. loneliness is small, solitude is large. loneliness closes in around you; solitude expands toward the infinite. loneliness has its roots in words, in an internal conversation that nobody answers; solitude has its roots in the great silence of eternity.”
—Kent Nerburn

A lot of times when I am “away” from blogging, when I come back I try to “catch up” to as many of my favorite bloggers as I can.  One of  my faves is Thomas, and I often find a quote or something that hits me in that “sweet spot” and I think of thousand of things to say at that moment, but as is all too frequent for me, that “moment” is all there is.  This time, this quote that I pulled was one that stayed with me, and it is one that I will share with you as well.

Though you would have to go back and do some serious excavating to find mentions of it, I started early on in this blog talking about how cool it would be to finally be alone again.  People would leave replies that indicated that they thought it would be a shame for me to alone, and that I would be a good partner for someone more appreciative than the redoubtable Mookie Dee, and that is even with the measure of forgiveness that one is likely to give when reading someone else’s journal.

Between how I deal with the problems that standard logic would lead you to believe are obstacles that are only so in “First World” societies, and the undisputed fact that I enjoy being alive to the point that I would not want to share it and risk sullying it, I want you to know that I am HAPPY.  Not simply doing well for “fill in the mitigation”, but I am just plain happy.

First and foremost reason for my state is the belief that “problems with solutions aren’t problems”.  Whatever is the priority of an issue in my life and the urgency in with which I need to attend to it, determines my path.  An example would be my personal and intimate relationships.  My supervisor is my confidant and Princess has built up enough in her account with me to where I am not concern with our relationship becoming ballast that I need to rid myself of.  That is why she is still on my Face Book and I am still “in a relationship”.  I don’t want to have the karmic forces that would come with people having flash in their thoughts that I am in “a drama” of some sorts.  It is not that deep, this “whatever” between us, and we still are talking with one another with affection.  Once that changes, eh, I am STILL doing my thing, so “what, me worry” for?

LIVING THE DREAM

I cannot say it enough... I like it here in Omaha.  Having dodged all the “blizzard bullets’ fired at the Midwest this season, I am looking forward to a mild February and March to close out winter.  I can’t wait to get back into class and grinding away towards my degree in exercise science.  Next year, I am going to get my certification in personal training, and hopefully I will be able to add a couple of clients to my income!  I will hopefully have more time in the trial work period, where I can earn as much as I can for a bit before the Social Security rules tell me to “go to work” or “alright, you are disabled”.  That way, I can have a client base and still have Medicare.  At any rate, I will be trundling along in school and hopefully have saved enough to bury myself in a decent coffin.  Saving and planning for a living will would be next, and after that, I don’t know... as it is, I am living my life as though I am playing with “house money”... perhaps I will go and get another passport and think about going to the Yukon.  Who knows..?

Now that I have established that I will report any of the direct episodes of my life under the “Tactical” heading, I will prolly just ramble for a bit in here on the things that “I think that I am thinking about”.  Lexxie turned 16 on Monday... MAN... the time goes so fast, even faster when you are not around... I still can smell her diapers... YECCH..!  Anywho, I think diapers will get another mention around here soon... hope everyone out here is doing well and sorry for nothing interesting here... but, that is a good thing..!