TACTICAL
The holiday season was a very good one. Spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with
Princess and her boys, then for New Year’s Eve, Princess and I had a little
dinner. Also, for the first time, I received a card from one of my daughter’s,
KT. I am sure that she was pressed by
her Mom, who sent a box of Hershey Chocolate Kisses, sealed in red and silver
wrappers to match the season.
I have never copped to giving my girls a raw deal by bailing
on them. Had this been a one-time occurrence,
I think it would have been easier to understand… “Starter Wife and me divorced
and went our separate ways… her animosity worked to tear a riff between me and
our daughter…” and that would be that.
But when it comes to KT and Lexxie, hey, I KNOW that is a bit tougher to
swallow, and I am more than willing to deal with whatever criticism that comes
my way. A brother has broad shoulders…
they are meant to carry a weight of SOME kind.
While they are “unconventional” (as in it is
surprising that I would have put myself in such a predicament in life)
burdens, they are what they are, and they are borne with the utmost of my
capacity. That said, I was very moved by
the tokens, and it says more about Nixxie than it does anything else.
There has been a thaw in relations between Nebraska and I.
Right now, things look promising, but things are only in the preliminary
phase of establishing a discourse between us.
As content that I am here in Omaha, having a friend to share my
happiness would be a new thing for me as I never really had that experience in
my life before. I can only go back to my
junior high and high school days for examples of what it was like to have that
kind of relationship with another person that was brought about through the
intersection of mutual interests, level of intelligence, and confirmed by a
shared ostracism from the larger social population.
Still no cable… there is a deal where for $24.99 monthly I
can get the basic channels for a year.
Sounds like a deal until you add it all up and I could have floated
Lexxie’s plane ticket if I had the extra loot.
That means a “no go” on that optional expense. Besides, it is only when I am at work where I
“notice” that I don’t have cable… which says to me that I would not be able to
watch “whatever” anywho!! I am going to
invest in the equipment to watch stuff accessible from the internet on my
television. That would be good enough
for me… that and maybe a Netflix subscription.
Right now, the only “luxury” item that I have is a Spotify account, and
being able to listen to my music has been more than satisfying for my “mindless
entertainment cravings”. Though I still
get the “shakes” when I think about missing the college basketball regular
season, I will force may way through it… besides, I have very serviceable “work
arounds” if I just HAVE TO see a game.
PASS/FAIL
Had our relationship broken differently, then I would be
saying this about Nebraska, as this was one of
the protocols that were a part of my conceptualization of my relocation to
Omaha. But my relationship with Princess
will not be one where I would be moved to “journal” about why things are
wonky. A lot of that is because I talk
enough about myself without having to provide any “additional details”. Those of you who can look at my Face Book
page understand what I am saying..!
But the main reason is that I am once again in command of my
life, independent as any person can reasonably be from “need or want”. Should we be unable to manage to continue in
our mutual admiration and satisfaction with each other, then “that will be that
with that”, and we will go our separate ways, with no further incident.
When I started journaling, my life was kind of random, like
these thoughts!! The drama that are the
lives of “other people not named Mark Johnson” had begun to overwhelm and
encroach on my ability to make the decisions that were best for me and in my
own self-interest. And because MY
interests were linked to the interests of other parties, who did not share my
vision for the future, I had to bide my time and work at being prepared for my
opportunity to be clear of distraction.
Very few of us reach a point of place where they can lay claim
to being “free”, with freedom being relative.
I think that when you are able to actively go after your individual “life’s
pursuits”, that you are as close to being “free” as it get, and if not, you are
certainly on the path to attaining it.
And sometimes, there is no path… only a road… and THAT is the goal.
A YES, A NO, A STRAIGHT LINE, A GOAL
“First World Problems” is a meme that makes light of the
problems that, we in the industrialized west in particular, are caught up with
and seem to be over-concerned with. I
used that phrase often when I was younger, explaining away why, “I did not want
to go back to Africa”, and why I thought that serving as the ersatz police
force for the United States was worth it.
Two phrases that I repeat here more often and are synonymous, “why
ponder life’s complexities” and “the ceaseless spinnings of men” speaks to an
arrogance that could only exist in the materialistic and ego-centric lives of
the people living in the wealthy countries of the world.
Part of my frustrations with having to put up with “the
spinnings” of those with which my life may have become entangled with is how
they manage their issues and/or their prioritization of said issues. With my categorization of nearly EVERYTHING
as a “First World Problem”, I do not suffer the airing of grievances for the
sole purpose of speaking them into the world.
If there is no action to be taken on them, then happens in life is
increasing the incidence of what it is that is problematic in life. How many times has a friend or acquaintance spoke
about an inconsiderate lover, supervisor at work, or their woeful relations
within their family, only to have something happen that reaffirms with a vengeance
their complaint? Not only that, the
speaker then will contribute to their cycle of angst by their perpetuating
whatever the situation needs to be flammable??
Vainglorious!!
I GOT SO MUCH TROUBLE ON MY MIND…
I have more on my mind but this seems like a good place to
end. Hope everyone had a great holiday
and I am pulling for the Irish to restore order to the college football
landscape on Monday night!!
5 comments:
Here come the Irish!
Glad you had a good Christmas/New Year's Mark. We have cable but honestly there's only a few shows I'd miss if we got rid of it; I tend to spend too much time online :)
betty
it's been more than a year since we gave up cable and i don't miss it a bit.
glad you had a good holiday with your peeps.
xxalainaxx
As you know, no TV here, for many years...& never miss it. The radio, newspapers, & books do me fine.
I think some of the seeds of your recent choices have been quite good & that those will pay off in the long run. ~Mary
Alas, the Irish did not win, but it was a great run and we have no regrets about going to the game...
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