Tuesday, December 25, 2012



I am just sitting around waiting on Princess to come a pick me up so we can have a Christmas Day together, I can’t help but think about how far I have come and all the people that I have met out here to thank for my progress.  I don’t want to even consider what would have been had I not decided to journal regularly and participate in the conversations that other people were having with the Universal Source.  Believe me when I say that I sincerely owe my readers a debt of gratitude for their support and for sticking with me for nearly 5 years of this crap!

While I never believe that I faced any “problems” in my life much less when I began this blog, I do have an appreciation for how I have dealt with the different challenges along the way here.  But I am not prepared to stop in my pursuit of my goals, and I continue to dream the dreams that leave me hungry, filled with a gnawing that only achievement and growth can satiate. 


The title of this entry is greatly inspired from an online article that I read about relationships.  And while a lot of space here has been devoted to relationships between men and women and will continue to be, I don’t want Nebraska to get all Warren Beatty on me and think that “this song is about her”.  She is a part of the sum of my relationship experiences now, and the things that I have learned from her has been added to my knowledge and broadened my perspective.  So if she does read my journal and think something is about her, she is both right and wrong, much in the way that Schrodendinger’s Cat is both dead and not dead all at the same time. 

There are several variations to the “person who can’t be with you right now”.  There is the person who does not have time for a relationship, and mind you, this is not to say that whatever is taking up their time is not worthy.  I am not trying to validate one approach to a relationship over another.  Nor am I saying that how people assess and prioritizes their life is either for/against having a healthy relationship.  But I do think that like water, a healthy relationship will have a flow and fit into whatever gaps that the “priorities” have between them and eventually, “the stickiness” of a relationship will hold everything in a couples lives together equally.  But for some people, the hardest part is not where the different priorities land in a relationship but the time that is committed to the things that are held as important.  And while one would think that developing a relationship would be high on a person’s list of priorities that is EXACTLY what the Germans would have you to believe!

Being “too busy” for a relationship is a person’s way of coping with their fears when it comes to being vulnerable to someone else.  It is has little to do with the level of interest they may have in a person, or how badly that they may want to be IN a relationship.  By being busy this person believes that they are not involved with another person because more noble and fulfilling things occupy their lives to the point that they could not squeeze another activity, like eating dinner at a restaurant with a charming man (or woman if you are one!)

Bollocks!  Being busy allows the person who is claiming to be so scheduled that they could not have a brunch or make an impromptu appearance in the vicinity of a potential someone who could be that someone to actually be either one of two things, and both of them are fatal to any kind of relationship blossoming into a full-fledge loveship.

The first one of the two viruses that kills relationship is that of fear.  Been hurt before, someone taken advantage of your good will? Was the pain so bad that you felt like every room was waiting for the chance to swallow you up and you disappear??  Welcome to the club!!  Most nearly everyone who has dared to love another person at least once in their lives has been hurt before.  The thing is that there is no other way around it for most of us and that you are going to have to step out on that ledge and reach around the corner and hope that the other person is working their way to that same corner to grasp your hand.

Worse than fear, because you can be compelled by the right person to move forward, is that of being lazy.  That is the real reason a person will say that they don’t have any time for a relationship.  Can’t stop, too busy with class, with work, with taking children to extra-curricula’s and doing favors for this one and appearing there for that one.  I would like to go out and meet someone who really loves me, but there is just not enough time in the day.

If this sounds like you or someone that you know, I will tell you why someone is “too busy” for a date and it is not that their Blackberry chirps continuously with an appointment or a place to be.  A person becomes too busy when their fear has metastasizes to the point of inoperability.  They believe that they would “lose” far more than they could ever “gain”, and this covers almost all of the excuses that someone can provide for their not being available for a relationship.

Because it has been with me since I made the choice to leave “the Mook’s”, I have spent a lot of time discussing my “early burglary years” because I don’t know HOW I managed to fit in so much fail in so little time!!  By the time I was 32, 15 years, I had been married and divorced, traveled across the world, been well-off and broke, with professional careers as an athlete and in clerical support.  Not to mention a would-be Casanova and college student… and the point of repeating all this is that I KNOW that there is always time for things that you want badly enough in your life.  That is why it is LAZINESS that keeps people too busy for relationship, even when it is something that they want in their lives.

And if they are too busy for something that they claim they want, then when will they ever have the time for love?


Ken Riches said...

Happy Holidays Mark!

mrs.missalaineus said...

enjoy your day with your princess and the boys. being able to look back is the best way to move forward.

SweetAngelAsh17 said...

I feel this nails me into a corner in which I'm not scared to admit there is fear as to why I'm not in a relationship. I am too busy between school, work, and studying. It is when I'm being pushed to my limits that I realize that having support from someone I love other than family and friends is what I crave. Then I seek it from an inappropriate source, and disappointment fills the space where there is no one.

If I met someone who could love me, I'd make time for them. I'm struggling to believe someone on earth can love me.

Mark said...

I don't agree that "I'm too busy" is necessarily about their fear. They may just not want to spend time with you. The mistake is when we give that the power to invalidate us. Her being "too busy" says she's not willing to make you a priority, but that has nothing to do with your value as a human being or a romantic object.
That said, if it happens repeatedly, you have to look at why you choose who you choose to be involved with. Often what attracts us, deep down, is exactly the trait what will make the relationship. impossible. Unavailability and remoteness can be very alluring.