TACTICAL
I am just sitting around waiting on Princess to come a pick
me up so we can have a Christmas Day together, I can’t help but think about how
far I have come and all the people that I have met out here to thank for my
progress. I don’t want to even consider
what would have been had I not decided to journal regularly and participate in
the conversations that other people were having with the Universal Source. Believe me when I say that I sincerely owe my
readers a debt of gratitude for their support and for sticking with me for
nearly 5 years of this crap!
While I never believe that I faced any “problems” in my life
much less when I began this blog, I do have an appreciation for how I have
dealt with the different challenges along the way here. But I am not prepared to stop in my pursuit
of my goals, and I continue to dream the dreams that leave me hungry, filled
with a gnawing that only achievement and growth can satiate.
COMPOSITE
The title of this entry is greatly inspired from an online
article that I read about relationships.
And while a lot of space here has been devoted to relationships between
men and women and will continue to be, I don’t want Nebraska
to get all Warren Beatty on me and think that “this song is about her”. She is a part of the sum of my relationship
experiences now, and the things that I have learned from her has been added to
my knowledge and broadened my perspective.
So if she does read my journal and think something is about her, she is
both right and wrong, much in the way that Schrodendinger’s Cat is both dead
and not dead all at the same time.
There are several variations to the “person who can’t be
with you right now”. There is the person
who does not have time for a relationship, and mind you, this is not to say
that whatever is taking up their time is not worthy. I am not trying to validate one approach to a
relationship over another. Nor am I
saying that how people assess and prioritizes their life is either for/against
having a healthy relationship. But I do
think that like water, a healthy relationship will have a flow and fit into
whatever gaps that the “priorities” have between them and eventually, “the stickiness”
of a relationship will hold everything in a couples lives together equally. But for some people, the hardest part is not
where the different priorities land in a relationship but the time that is committed
to the things that are held as important.
And while one would think that developing a relationship would be high
on a person’s list of priorities that is EXACTLY what the Germans would have
you to believe!
Being “too busy” for a relationship is a person’s way of
coping with their fears when it comes to being vulnerable to someone else. It is has little to do with the level of
interest they may have in a person, or how badly that they may want to be IN a
relationship. By being busy this person
believes that they are not involved with another person because more noble and
fulfilling things occupy their lives to the point that they could not squeeze
another activity, like eating dinner at a restaurant with a charming man (or woman if you are one!)
Bollocks! Being busy
allows the person who is claiming to be so scheduled that they could not have a
brunch or make an impromptu appearance in the vicinity of a potential someone
who could be that someone to actually be either one of two things, and both of
them are fatal to any kind of relationship blossoming into a full-fledge
loveship.
The first one of the two viruses that kills relationship is
that of fear. Been hurt before, someone
taken advantage of your good will? Was the pain so bad that you felt like every
room was waiting for the chance to swallow you up and you disappear?? Welcome to the club!! Most nearly everyone who has dared to love
another person at least once in their lives has been hurt before. The thing is that there is no other way
around it for most of us and that you are going to have to step out on that
ledge and reach around the corner and hope that the other person is working
their way to that same corner to grasp your hand.
Worse than fear, because you can be compelled by the right
person to move forward, is that of being lazy.
That is the real reason a person will say that they don’t have any time
for a relationship. Can’t stop, too busy
with class, with work, with taking children to extra-curricula’s and doing
favors for this one and appearing there for that one. I would like to go out and meet someone who
really loves me, but there is just not enough time in the day.
If this sounds like you or someone that you know, I will tell
you why someone is “too busy” for a date and it is not that their Blackberry
chirps continuously with an appointment or a place to be. A person becomes too busy when their fear has
metastasizes to the point of inoperability.
They believe that they would “lose” far more than they could ever “gain”,
and this covers almost all of the excuses that someone can provide for their
not being available for a relationship.
Because it has been with me since I made the choice to leave
“the Mook’s”, I have spent a lot of time discussing my “early burglary years”
because I don’t know HOW I managed to fit in so much fail in so little time!! By the time I was 32, 15 years, I had been
married and divorced, traveled across the world, been well-off and broke, with
professional careers as an athlete and in clerical support. Not to mention a would-be Casanova and
college student… and the point of repeating all this is that I KNOW that there
is always time for things that you want badly enough in your life. That is why it is LAZINESS that keeps people
too busy for relationship, even when it is something that they want in their
lives.
And if they are too busy for something that they claim they
want, then when will they ever have the time for love?
4 comments:
Happy Holidays Mark!
enjoy your day with your princess and the boys. being able to look back is the best way to move forward.
I feel this nails me into a corner in which I'm not scared to admit there is fear as to why I'm not in a relationship. I am too busy between school, work, and studying. It is when I'm being pushed to my limits that I realize that having support from someone I love other than family and friends is what I crave. Then I seek it from an inappropriate source, and disappointment fills the space where there is no one.
If I met someone who could love me, I'd make time for them. I'm struggling to believe someone on earth can love me.
I don't agree that "I'm too busy" is necessarily about their fear. They may just not want to spend time with you. The mistake is when we give that the power to invalidate us. Her being "too busy" says she's not willing to make you a priority, but that has nothing to do with your value as a human being or a romantic object.
That said, if it happens repeatedly, you have to look at why you choose who you choose to be involved with. Often what attracts us, deep down, is exactly the trait what will make the relationship. impossible. Unavailability and remoteness can be very alluring.
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