Sunday, October 14, 2012



This weekend will be spent in part ramping up for “classes”… I am going to go to the math lab armed with my Intermediate Algebra syllabus and prepare for my second go at the classes next term.  I will similarly go over my Philosophy syllabus and go back over the topics and notes from that class in preparation for round two with it.

My yearly examination for my housing was as agonizing as ever.  Not that it is a real in-depth review or anything, or that the woman conducting the interview was “anything”.  For me it is more of an internal conversation that takes place that left me a little frayed at the end of the session.  And that leads me to…


I guess.  I know FOR CERTAIN that I need to be respected.  And understood, I would hope that a person would be understanding of me and my ways and the means that I arrive at my “ways” with.

So it appears that I have lost another reader.  I have kind of sorta always wanted to experience what it was like to “lose a reader”, you know, have someone get all haughty and let me know that they are done with me and that internet drama-filled fashion that I often have read in the blogs of others.  It just so happened that the first time it occurred with me, it was with someone who I admired as much as you possibly can admire a person through a computer, and by counting them among my “friends”, I was hurt.  See, people who call me “friend” and then later reconsider I am untroubled by; it is those who I feel deserve and have, at least to me, BEEN a friend that I mourn.  Which brings me to this most recent announcement of “I don’t like you anymore, Mark”, and since I really have little else to ponder on, at least until I resume my assault on “fortress Algebra” on Monday, I will take a pokeat the comment left on this post by Gleaming Fossil.

One of the things that Nixxie and I discussed in preparation for KT’s summer visit, was the ethnicity of Princess.  Explaining that we were seeing each other and that I did want her to meet my current interest and her children, Nixxie said that KT would not have a problem and that Nixxie’s only issue would be that she came home with a crush on “one of them”, said tongue firmly in cheek.  Lexxie, Pecan Sandie and I already had our dance with the topic long ago when I lived in Plymouth, Michigan, so that was that.  And given Skye’s locations and her grunge-stoner style, I am sure that she is not against interracial relationships.

That is the only assumption that I can make with Lexxie and Skye.  As far as with KT, we did discuss Princess’ lack of melanin only briefly.  She DID NOT CARE.  Her words, and I quote, “As long as she makes you happy and cooks better than you, then it is fine.”  So what would I tell my daughters if I was in their lives full time..?  I am not sure that I would have to tell them anything.  The social environment and cultural expectations are different than the ones that I grew up with.  In fact, it is likely that the influence of my environment growing up had a bigger influence on how I define social constructs even now.

Detroit is my home and I love my hometown.  I just wanted to see more than the Motor, and that is what has driven me.  Not a dislike for anything, PARTICULARLY, anything African-American.  The Motor is the largest metro area to be mostly African-American in the country, by a long shot.  The industrial city of Gary is usually second, but comparing the two municipalities by size and area, there really is not much to compare.  Gary is a neighborhood in Motown, and that is that with that.

Sometimes I can’t help but think that either things are conveniently overlooked about me or willfully misunderstood.  Don’t worry, it happens IRL, too, so don’t think that I am taking this for more than what it is.  The quote of Nietzsche that wishes the, “…suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities…”, but finishes with, “…because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not-that one endures,” means more to me than the platitudes of strangers.  Those who understand and follows through with commitment to their own being and architect, and able to purposefully reach their own conclusions can grasp what I mean by this, specifically, since this is core to my philosophy.

Because of my immediate environment, and despite that I was not indoctrinated into the racial paradigm, I use race to denote traits and characteristics that seem either unique or exist in abundance in one group because it is how I learned to identify the “threat agents” and “bad actors” in a particular community.  African-American, Asian, Latino, White, or if you are from “Who-gives-a-f*ckistan”, internally, it does not matter to me and never really has.  Only time where a person’s classification matters is when I have to notate and asses their threat to my wel-being.  See, as nice as I am, and again, this is where developmental environment matters, I will think about how I can f*ck you up so that you will not ever do that again.  In short, you have to give me a reason NOT to like or be nice to you.  Upon having confirmed to MY satisfaction that you are a bad actor, if not a threat, I will then treat you accordingly.  Period and end to that story.

If this feels like familiar subject matter, it is because theoretically, it is.  Once you have “left the reservation”, you have to turn in your “pass card” (funny, because when I was involved with Tee Jay, we both laughed that I had to travel around on her “ghetto pass”) and you are no longer allowed to make commentary about African-American social issues and problems, of which, relationships are chief among them.

So despite having spent the hyper-majority of my life dating and loving sisters, I am now unable to comment on those relationships.  That makes as much sense as invalidating an opinion about the ocean because I live in Omaha.  Smurf please!

As far as my “harshness” regarding sisters and their handling of relationships, what immediately comes to mind is when I was still “whole” and working in Detroit, and I was living the dream.  At that time I was into the message boards on AOL, and I was scolding THE BROTHERS for perpetuating problem that I had now become a part of, fathering children with multiple women and living with none of them.  Then, as is now, I made disclosure of my status in black-and-white, no other details that would smear my profile and put me in blurry daguerreotype, but let people do as Gleaming Fossil did, make their own minds up about me.

I have never thought retelling what took place with detail between me and the girls’ Mother’s was fair.  I am not out for sympathy or to make anyone “look” like anything, other than my starter wife a little.  But the entry in question, I used the “dog whistle” to show that I know EXACTLY where someone is coming from and it is unmistakable.  Just as losing Gleaming Fossil’s readership is not an indictment of me but of her, perhaps, and certainly that portion of society that believes in the memes and fables about AA men and the White women that love and want them.

My starter wife used to beat me… so I guess that is “one for the sisters”, since so many of them are victims of domestic violence.  Mookie Dee was out cheating on me… that is payback for your infidelities, brother man.  Suck it up and get back into the minefield and see if you can get across. 

So yes, I get it.  But also, here is this to get… I don’t care.  It does not matter what someone thinks of me and my “white girl”, whether I am not “man” enough for a “real woman” or any of the other ignorant thoughts that are presented as reasons for my “bailing out” on African-American women.

Everyone deserves to be happy and with whoever they find happiness in.  I have always operated on a “first come, first serve” ethic, where if someone demonstrates to me that they want me to be THAT CAT in their lives, that is what I will do and be.  And the person that happened to qualify is white.  So by personal beliefs (negative bias against any person is decidedly anti-Christian… but you, you go on to church anyway…) and ethics (you act like you like me, and I like you, then by law I have to like you back), I find myself with Princess.


At least I try to.  One of the ironies about my injury is that now I can be alone and listen to the wisdom that has been absorbed but at the same time the thoughts are seeping to the surface and evaporating into air.  Que sera…

One of the reasons that I felt compelled to make the annotation to Princess was because, IT MATTERS.  Talk about wishing something wasn’t when YOU KNOW it is…

But, like my man Freddie, I do aim to make people uncomfortable.  Not to proof their worth to ascendance, but more so that I can learn more about myself and become a better and better-rounded human being.  So despite Gleaming Fossil’s well reasoned and thoughtfully written comment, I do think that she is mistaken.  Just as time would prove Columbus right, and as it did Copernicus, when the question of ethnicity is ultimately answered, it won’t be those who cling to the notion of “ethnic purity” (which, genotypically speaking, is impossible) will be proven to have been correct, and those who were with them, will be washed away by the winds of change.


Ken Riches said...

Like you said, it reflects more on Gleaming Fossil than on you. You have never hidden who you are on your blog, someone made assumptions.

Beth said...

Agreed. Be with who makes you happy!

mrs.missalaineus said...

i just think of you as mark. color does not define you for me. i'm sure if i dated some black chicks i might be able to agree/disagree with you in some form, but that's an avenue i haven't gone down so to me, that makes my point more moot than anything else.

i see our time here in comparisons- we learn from each other by the means and methods we use to make our comparisons.

and i have learned much from you and am honored to be your 'net neighbor. i know that if we would of started corresponding after my great internet dating experiment (because after you marry the guy from the internet meeting up with random people online seems less weird) it would of been less odd for us to meet up in detroit and for this i still apologize for not making it happen before you your move.

just love who you love, and do a damn fine job with it.


FrankandMary said...

Mark wrote:

Sometimes I can’t help but think that either things are conveniently overlooked about me or willfully misunderstood <<<Lots of people do that all the time. They see, hear, read, what fits into their already fully-formed-I-ain't-gonna-change beliefs. Many times those people live lives that stand in direct opposition to their own beliefs, but they will call you on everything they think they can suss about you that is "wrong" & pretend they know some kind of true path.

There is only one way to deal with people like this: IGNORE THEM.