Sunday, May 20, 2012

WITH A TINGE OF REGRET


Okay, Nebraska and I FINALLY had a real face-to-face conversation Friday evening.  She was able to make several important points and even pointed out several contradictions to my version of events between us.  But, as I had said repeatedly here and to her, what I know that I FELT was what I felt, and that my being “wrong” factually did not mitigate my feelings.  I was feeling poorly about what was happening between us and because my feelings were not addressed at the time, the degradation of our relationship continued.

I am comfortable with where our relationship is now.  There is not any reason to mention any specifics because I think that having taken such a promising opportunity and for it to have come to this, is explanation in and of itself.  But I will admit to adding what transpired between us to becoming a part of the composite that is my life experience, and in the way that Mrs. Miss A would offer a disclaimer for anyone who thinks that they are the focus of anything she had written in her journal, I guess this is a good as a disclaimer as I have to offer anyone who think that anything that I have written is about them.

AND WHAT’S IT LIKE..?

Finally watched the movie “Scott Pilgrim Against The World” and I only wished it had been a smaller film and did the gate that it did.  Because it had a huge budget and expectations that it would do big at the box office, bringing in the money that it did not only killed it as a possible franchise, but other “fan boy” movies of its ilk.  I really enjoyed it and I will look for it in the various used dvd and sales bins for a bit prior to going on Amazon and getting it there.

I can’t say that I identified with the slacker/rock/groupie thing, but I thought that it was a neat look at how relationships are seen through a male prism.  Though Scott had to wade through Ramona’s evil exes, he had his band mate Kim, and young Knives Chau in his past (and another short term relationship partner her had, which the movie did not dwell on too much), so it wasn’t that he did not have anything to account for.  In fact, I wonder how those other relationships with Kim and the one with the girl whose name I can’t remember went?  Anywho, it really doesn’t matter because no matter how a past relationship went, it does not determine how you are going to operate in the current one.  Ramona left such a mark on her exes, that they would bar anyone from dating her again.  What kind of mark did Scott leave on the young women that were in his past?

As Scott got himself together (hmm, “together” is too strong a word… maybe he became more coherent as the film went along) and pursued his one true love, fighting her exes and achieving his victory, it was all to discover that he and his Ramona were better off as friends, as she had not done any discovery as to who she was. 

So after the climatic fight with the last of the exes, I was left wondering, “What now?” as I think anyone would be IRL after overcoming obstacles that they thought would lead to winning over the object of their affection.  I think some women would say that it serves him right to have had to fight all of Ramona’s exes and still lose her at the end for the way he treated Knives, but I disagree.  He did finally have to suck it up and let her know where she stood with him and after that, all of her actions were on her.  When it comes to moving from one relationship to the next, sometimes things grow sticky.  But if you pull things apart and separate things early enough, the damage is pretty negligible.  And that is how I saw Scott’s exes and whether that was deliberate or not, in the end, relationships still end the same way.  It is just the outcome of a relationship and how they are managed that determines how people are left feeling.

That is why it occurred to me to try and find out if I had already met my “someone who is that someone” and to investigate whether or not there was still something to a relationship with one of my exes.  Other than my starter wife and perhaps Pecan Sandie, I don’t believe that I had left any relationship on that bad of terms that would preclude the possibility of reconciliation with me.  I sort of think that with people who have showed up in my life since I have been blogging, starting with Mookie Dee, and including Nebraska, that there was something to my thinking.  There are a few people whose relationships with a cat date back to high school that I have found ME, which isn’t to say that I did not think about them during the intervening years, but I am jus’ sayin’.

WHY BAD URBAN LOGIC FRUSTRATES ME SO!

I watched a TED Talk by Morgan Spurlock which again reinforced my “hegemonic conspiracy beliefs” of how advertisers and big media manipulate how people think.  But confirming something that I have considered to be verified and part of a broader agenda is not what I am going to talk about.


This You Tube video titled, “Think Like A Man”, which is obviously playing off of the movie, does a good job of demonstrating why “thinking like a man” is NOT what women should be doing.  The syllogism behind many “urbanisms” have frustrated me most of my life, as they often fail to provide a benefit of any kind.  One that has been either at or near the top of the list is “I can do bad by myself…” a phrase which is usually a part of a conversation where one woman is talking about her desires in a partner.  I never got how that kind of thinking made sense, much in the same way the old spiritual sung in African-American churches conflicted with my young philosophy.  Why should we be thankful for agony and discomfort?  And since I was an 8 year-old and it was not explained to my satisfaction then, I seriously, seriously doubt if that is going to happen now, or at any time in the future!

I think that the gist of the video is to dissuade women from thinking that they should “think like a man”, because how a man thinks is not how women think that it is!  But I am going to step back and ask why is it necessary to proceed from a negative perspective and want for a positive outcome?  I cannot stress how much that I do not get it, when it comes to people who do that.  Yeah, some folks can be successful and achieve their “whatever, whatever”.  But I think on closer inspection, all of the positive traits are visible that brought them to their achievement, and that they did not reach their goals in spite of them.

My point in using the video for this part of my conversation is to show how big the gap between how men think and just as a man cannot “think” like a woman, a woman conversely, cannot think like a man.  Additionally, anytime that a woman was told that she “thought like a man”, that should have been perceived as a slight, and not something that you should repeat as if it was an award bestowed upon you for good character. 

After Tee Jay and I began to get deeply involved with one another, I explained how being told that she “thought like a man” and accepting that idea that her behavior in relationships was going to lead her towards a stable partnership was simply poor logic.  When a man tells a woman that “she thinks like a man” in her personal life, it means that she is seen as vulnerable.  The simpler things get, the more complexity there is to them.  A lot of women do not realize this and is a huge factor in why they are targeted for relationship advice and not men!

When a woman is told that she “thinks like a man”, it means that she is into casual and meaningless sex, does not want nor deserve being treated as “the fairer sex”, and is capable of only the most superficial of relationships.  Whether she sleeps around or not, it doesn’t matter.  Being told that “you think like a man” means that you are NOT the one and that you will forever think of yourself as someone who “gets it” but because you think that you do and you do not, you never will.  Who is going to want to date a woman who does not know how to enjoy getting flowers, or cards?  Who does not acknowledge at least in herself, the effort that a cat put into making an evening to be with her, to make time in his prime time of farting, playing PS 3, and/or watching ESPN with his friends?  The reason I say that is because I read where women talk about all the effort that they go into for their partner and how little it is appreciated or, that they feel taken for granted by a cat.  A woman who is told that she thinks like a man is only inviting herself to be a trampoline, and that is a fact!

At any rate, what I do think is a little creepy is when someone tells you that they asked “their Father” (as in, “…Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…”) that they run into you in school before the term ends!  Were it not for the current cover story on the next great high school basketball player out of Chicago being a Mormon, I was really going to wonder what this sister was on!  Of course, there is more to her than that, both as to her warning signs and personality, but it still creeped me out.  Then I thought about how often I had indicated to Nebraska what I thought she was to me… and then I figured, “…so said the pot,” gave her a hug and told her I would see her in August!

6 comments:

LceeL said...

The thing is, my friend, women DO think like men - and men think like women. The effects of culture, however, imposed over the thought process, wind up coloring and flavoring thought with the affects (emphasis on the first syllable) and artifacts of gender.

Strip away the societal impact, get down to the naked human spirit and soul, and we are all very much alike.

And yet, different.

Jonthy Williams said...

Mark,
I agree whole-heartedly with LceeL.
I do think men and women are not all that different.
Jonthy

Ken Riches said...

Glad you finally had the chance for a real conversation with Nebraska.

V said...

Scott Pigrim!! I like the movie too. And yeah...even I am sorta curious about how her relationship with that girl went. She looks like the "Kiss with a fist" kind. lol.

I found that "Think like a man" video weird. And I totally agree with you on that video.
I mean...what did they mean by think like a MAN?? I think people, atleast the sensible lot, thinks like a person rather than a man or a woman. What a man/ woman likes or dislikes are their individual tastes. Not the taste or choice of the whole gender. Atleast that how it's supposed to be.
I think most men are so obsessed with being a "MAN". Or in other words...being "Macho". They think that's how a man becomes cool. Like Morrissey said, "Macho- such an ugly word"

Have Myelin? said...

Funny encounter with Alex at Wal-Mart. "Alex, will you think like a woman and help me find a pair of potential glasses?"

He obliges.

He starts bringing me really weird glasses (I couldn't figure it out) and then I noticed: he was standing under "Men".

When I told him he was bringing me "male glasses" he said "so that's why 'I' liked them...." LOL.

I decided to text my daughter's g/f and get HER help.

And, I don't know where the link is but I read a news blurb about how women think men are becoming more "feminine". I agree! =p

tony said...

Stand By Your Man Not Stand Inside your man....