Right now this is my favorite song by the band Explosions In The Sky (EITS). Usually the video I would use for this song is another of the band’s live performance that is more emo than this one. This is a subdued, quiet, sonic introspection. This performance has a more considered sound to it, thoughtful even.
Midterms are next week and the college algebra has given me a flux. It reminds me that everything isn’t functioning the way that it should, mainly because of the mistakes that I make in the details of problem solving. Errors like skipping the order of operations, not changing the signs from positive to negative and vice versa, the frustrating kinds of mistakes that I KNOW that I never used to make. Because of those kinds of mistakes I haven’t reach out to anyone for help online because those aren’t the kinds of errors that anyone can instruct away.
Lessee… did I mention that Nebraska and I hung out New Year’s? It was a time well spent and I know that I really enjoyed her company and it was a mutual feeling. We are still working through our differences to remain in touch with each other. Not a lot more to elaborate on regarding our relationship or any other person, at least not at this time. One of the things that I have reaffirmed is that the window has been ‘narrowed’ when it comes to a significant other entering my life. My impairment won’t allow for things that are either contrary to my understanding or things that cannot be defended within reason, sensibly. Even if on the surface it would seem to make no sense at all.
WANT AN EXAMPLE..? WELL, HERE HOW IT GOES..!
My lovely ex-wife ‘friended’ me on Facebook. I was more than a little stunned when I saw her name in my in-box, but I went ahead and accepted her and while she hasn’t commented or anything, she is one of ‘tens of twenties’ that I have accepted and the thing is, my reason makes perfect sense to me.
First off, she knows how ‘crazy’ I am, so she should be able to handle the posts that I make that lean on the more obtuse in observations. If she can’t handle them, hey, she would not be the FIRST to ‘unlike’ me.
Second, she HAD to have been urged by our daughter to 'friend' me. While there is the possibility that the twins may have said something to her, I doubt that a conversation with any of my younger sisters (and I am including stinky-a$$ Jan too) would have that much influence. Seeing her name after the world stopped spinning, I thought about the advantages to our relationship.
I almost have to go back home, so maybe this thawing will encourage her to arrange or at least work with me on a sit-down with me and Skye. Who knows? The one thing I do know is that the ‘Foghorn Leghorn’ aspect of my personality, the fun-loving annoying a-hole, looks forward to whatever games she has planned. After our meet at the Friend of the Court, I could tell that she still has passionate feelings for me… maybe even to where she has pictured reconciliation or something between us. Ha-ha, it is to but laugh!! Maybe Skye and I won’t have anything facilitated by her Mom and me being ‘friends’ but I think I would feel good knowing that I turned over yet another stone to improve our relationship.
Oh, as to the possibility of ANYTHING happening between us… look, I am not drunk enough for her to take advantage of me and I don’t think it is safe to for me to consume the amount of alcohol it would take for that to happen.
I really wonder why people hate on Tim Tebow? If it was the more conservative, regressive associations that he had alone, I could dig it. But I still want to ask if the way that so many have reconciled their feelings for Michael Vick, Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan and too many baseball and football players to list, doesn’t make them feel a ‘teensy-weensy’ bit like a hypocritical hater?
This kind of contrast is all over the place in our culture, most of it negative. How did Newt Gingrich get to where he is in public life as much of a fat f*ck he has been in life? Or is the contradiction that we had a draft dodger to lead us into war? Charles Barkley was quoted somewhere as saying that Tebow’s act has gotten ‘tired’. I think it has a lot more to do with his being an example of someone who is ‘failing better’ at being the ideal that they have of their own self-image. He knows who he is and I think that is a threat that brings people out of the woodwork, quick to point out what he ‘can’t be’ and ‘who he isn’t’, ignoring that, and like the world devourer Galactus, Tim can “…be no more nor can he dare to be any less,” than who he was, is and intends to be. I think that he would bring enough to my life to mitigate whatever differences of anything we have, and that is part of the give and take of any relationship, is not?
WHEN IT COMES TO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX…
If I have to struggle with anything, it is with what I can envision without any unnecessary degree of difficulty. There isn’t much to the kinds of things that I don’t agree with and are non-starters when it comes to negotiation in a prospective relationship. Not only do my needs warrant a certain kind of person, but I also demand a certain priority level in that relationship.
When a woman (fresh on my mind since I spoke of my starter wife) has to inform you of how important that their children are, the first thing I register is fear. I used to diagnose fear of what, but now that I have overriding needs and concerns of my own to deal with, I don’t care what they are scared or what they have been through… after all, and say it with me, they can, “Keep their problems to themselves, kid, I gots my own.” Should I care, I mean really give credence to what went down with them and some other alley cat? Nope, I never have, not after the intros and reveals that take place in the getting to know you phase of the relationship. And when it comes to me…
YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO GO THERE
In dating Tee Jay, she used to tease me in ‘that way’ about Delta Girl. I did not have anything bad to say, other than when it looked like I was going to turn a corner and go further ‘uptown’ in my career and she went all daffy on me. I guess that is why we did so well as a boxing couple… she knew what not to do. Not only that, she took ownership of her role in my career, as our plans involved my success being OUR success. So it isn’t surprising that we did well in winning the number of fights that we did.
And it also remains little surprise that I have not had that kind of support since that time. Could extrapolate as to ‘why’, but this is really pushing my limit and I thought I did not have much to say! I am SO TIRED, that I have to ask ‘how long can this go on?’