Saturday, November 5, 2011



During the angsty-hormone rush of my unique teen experience, I would go around telling myself, often quite loudly, that ‘these were the days that make up the Era of My Discontent’. Not that I thought too poorly of my adolescence; despite feeling slightly ‘different’ I felt as mainstream as anyone else. But there were sublime undercurrents that would take me further and further away from school of others that were swimming in the waters (think David Byrne floating around in the ‘Once In A Lifetime’ video, another song that is on the ‘TSTOML’) along with me.

So when all you know is what you know, quite often you may not ‘know’ any better. To be certain, I did not and songs like this one seemed to address how a cat like me would be looked at by those who were once part of the ‘in’ crowd, married to the group-think that conveniently ignores the obvious and substituted for substantive objectivity for tired heretical proofs that fell apart like parchment beneath further scrutiny. Listening to ‘The Telephone Always Rings’ helped to reinforce that my alienations, self-imposed and imagined or as real as Adam Smith’s ‘Invisible Hand of Economic Function’, would not only end but that I would find myself one day being told that ‘it must be wonderful to live like you do… to have respect from every one that you know’…

But first I had to ‘survive and advance’ through these dispiriting times with as much of my self-esteem and confidence intact. Catching on to the ‘hook’ of ‘It must be wonderful to live like you do…’ allowed me to reverse much of the bellicosity I received from my ‘chums’, my peers, as well as the then-foreboding overcast of the ‘Matriarchal Complex’ that at times hamstrings the black socio-political agenda, I would come through as unscathed as a successful shuttle landing, none the worse for wear (and there IS wear there, to be sure).

Now sometimes when I am critical towards women there is the occasional feedback because of how harshly I state or ‘grade’ women when it comes to relationships. In my mind, I am as hard on men, the brothers of ‘the brotherhood’ especially so. BUT, I don’t date men. My issues with them pale when it comes to the hassles that come with dealing with women. Unlike disagreements I have with men, resolution petitions usually do not include the phrase, ‘or I am going to kick you a$$’, but with men, those words settle plenty of disagreements. Quibble if you may about its effectiveness, yet you can’t disagree that it brings to an end certain kinds of quarrels!

Besides, men socialize differently than women, and women cling tightly to stereotypes that say they are better friends and have a greater sense of understanding. That has been ‘horse hockey’ only forever but it has persisted because I think that it is part of what keeps the hierarchal structure to society intact. Any-WHO, back in THIS dimension… So sometimes I step on some toes and spit some crap. Hey, I never claimed to actually KNOW anything with any more depth than the average person, but like anyone, what I think tends also to be what I know, and as most of my thoughts are not fully formed, subject to change as is the blowing of the wind, I think they should be taken with a skeptic’s view and approached with diligent questioning.


I post and talk about music a lot in my journal because like with any 16 year-old girl (think Angela Chase!), the artists are singing my life! Since I am in my mid-40’s and still drawing connections to music, current music, I guess it means that either I am not maturing or that some music is just that timeless and great! Along with ‘The Telephone Always Rings’, this song has served as the spine to my self-esteem, the subject of the tune becoming a verb in my special patois, ‘to Nigel’, or ‘nigelling’.

One of the common themes that I pointed to was that it was a third person observation of cats who were loners, but not loners like Travis Bickle, a sociopath. These guys, especially Nigell, were men who weren’t going to take it anymore but not because they had inner demons or anything like that. Rather, they were still true to themselves and quietly subversive… the anonymity was not a hindrance or insult, but a fully acceptable way to be. So that brought everything together for me, staring at the possibility of being maybe a virgin and alone forever and ever, I all but vowed that I would not ever find myself pining away for the want of companionship.

XTC’s song personalized the profile that I think I really fit me… Nigel… I don’t mind being a Nigel. But you know, life is a piccolo player and EVERYONE knows that the piccolo player is a m*tha f*cker!  I have already spoke about how after I went to the service nearly all the rejection I received from the opposite sex had disappeared and it was truly a brand new day for me!

I am hoping that I have mentioned that I chat with a young cat at Metro on Tuesday and Thursday mornings before class, Tee. Anywho, I spend a half hour on those mornings kicking ballistics about the ol’ this ‘n that about women and the way to approach relationships. I told him about my experience and how I dealt with the ‘you know how sister’s be’ thing and more importantly that it still applies right now and may always apply. And I will explain a bit more when I come back around here to break it down, especially since I have a formal name for my 'once nameless approach theory’!


That corgi :) said...

Neat that you have chatted with that guy before class, Mark, almost like a mentor type relationship along with a friendship! I do totally agree with you, men and women do socialize differently; that's why I think we need to make sure we have friends of our same sex and then of course not compare the difference betweeen men/women but just enjoy the relationship.

Hope the weekend is a good one for you; as for me, I'm going to enjoy that extra hour of sleep!


* Ashleigh * said...

I love how music is constantly changing; it's the best way to capture what truly reflects your mind and soul at points in your life.

Love to hear your theory :)

V said...

I totally agree with you! But at times I feel like music makes me aware of who I am...cos at times when I listen to certain songs I'm like "wow... seriously. So true! Why the hell didn't I realize that sooner?!"

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I think this is one of your best written entries. Well Done.

Toon said...

What is is about being older than 11, but younger than 20 that makes music so dang IMPORTANT?!! The list of songs that spoke to me back then is way too embarrassing to share.

Sujay said...

So beautiful the site is.Well done carry on.Nice arrangement.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Hey Mark,
Just wishing you a good week.

I don't think you'll ever figure women out. It's a waste of time. Our asses really are from Venus. I feel sorry for men. I really do. Men are much nicer people overall. Women are complex.

I'll probably take some heat for saying all this, but I don't really give a damn.



Lovebabz said...

You know I hold music in high regard...all kinds of music. I am a true believer that what we choose to listen to does indeed become the soundtrack of our lives. I can tell you the 1st song I learned to slow dance to. The song that I got my 1st kiss to. The song I was proposed to. The songs I listened to when my heart was broken.

You are getting ready to be in love and it is showing. I have said we are not meant to live alone and I suspect your natural inclination toward coupledom is coming through ;) I do believe what you are seeking is seeking you. Your honest and courage will be just the things that will attract what you need. Because what is needed always comes :)

(stepping off my soapbox...drops mic and walks off stage)