Monday, November 7, 2011


My date did not occur as she was unable to secure a baby-sitter for her two elementary school-age boys and her high schooler had to work.  No big loss as I am like so understanding of her situation regarding her boys and the requirements of her job.  As I have said, gauging her on the level of interest that she has shown, I think she would want to explore opportunity to see if there is something to us.  After all, she initiated contact after what I thought was a rather drab date.  She is the one doing the Max Schemling, and thinks that she “…sees something.”  I owe it to the both of us to find out if what she senses is right.

Nebraska did come by Saturday afternoon and her help will prove to be invaluable with my Power Point presentation for class.  The entire feel of the time we spent together did have the feel that most of our previous encounters lacked and for the most part, felt like a glimpse of what things could be like between us in the future.  Still, the gulf that emerged between us over the past year would take a lot for us to overcome.  And that, along with my patience with ‘Ms. New What Might Be Happenin’ , is the stuff for another entry.


Here is a link that Nebraska sent me last week that really spurred me to take up discussion about my approach theory and why I don’t feel that it takes a truly special cat to imagine himself a Casanova (yet, it still seems as though it does take a special cat to be one).

When I first begin thinking in theoretical terms about relationships between ‘boys and girls’, I was back in 8th grade and though the physical bullying had begun to ebb, the mental part of it never went away.  That was the summer when an Aunt help to reinforce my confidence by reminding me of the obvious qualities that made me attractive to the opposite sex.  Or perhaps I say ‘should have’, because whatever it was that I had going for me, those were not the qualities that were in demand.  So I pondered on this conundrum until I found what for me has been a key to whatever you’d call my experience with women.

According to the CIA Fact book, the myth that there are not enough men for every woman is false.  So why does it seem that men are outnumbered by women?  Because women DO outnumber men in key demographics and that is just how it is.  First, there is the gap in education between men and women, and from there you can extrapolate that upon graduation that there are fewer men to fill up the ‘social calendars’ of the number of women who are seeking someone who are at least in the same circle.  There is also an overallemployment gap between men and women as well, and there are a variety of reasons for this as well (though women still do not earn the same money as men, but I have to dispute that notion).  These are certainly factors in why women are having trouble finding partners but they don’t completely account for what constitutes the very real shortage or why it seems so acute.

If you can look at a person’s childhood to find out when, why and how their sociopathy developed, then what other behaviors can be spotted during what accounts for our childhood?  And how much of what is visible during adolescence is a precursor to what happens while when we become adults??

Stop me if I am wrong but it always seemed like there were cliques and people within those cliques that seemed to garner most of the attention when it came to crushes and admirers.  And it also seemed that jocks and ‘cool cats’ had the most of both, even were you to compare it to the ‘It Girls’, who though had no shortage of either people crushin’ on them, but socially were more insulated than their male counterparts.

There are several reasons for this.  First, I don’t know what it is like NOW with boys and girls, but when I was a teenager, I thought there was more sexism in high school than it was in any other sphere of society.  In the hierarchy of male, the Alpha’s all seemed to draw most of the attention and they would revel in it, forming ‘teenage concubines’ with girls who were willing to be a part of that arrangement.  This is why that the ‘It Girls’ did not have the same kind of overt following, because they were also part of the ‘cake’ that the Alpha’s were eating.  So many who were ‘It Girls’ were taken as if they were marked off as territory.  What this also acts as is conditioning, because it is the start of a pattern of women striving for nearly unattainable men, and the trending to going to extremes to try to keep them.

When you start assigning a value for these effects of behavior and instinctive socialization, you may see the same things that I saw in high school and that Rick Barnes talks about in his video.  Because when you add in the relevant variables that cause for fewer men to be in the pool, I don’t see how you can’t see or understand why there seems to be a shortage of men.


And there is still another segment of the male population that if the pursuit of a the few Alpha males accounts for much of the shortage of ‘bowl eligible’ men, and that more women think they are worthy of the few ‘BCS bids’ than spots exist, what happens when after failing the ‘eye test’, instead of meekly accepting a ‘a second or third tier bowl bid’, these less attractive schools simply decline to play?

If the stereotypical negative statistics that are populated by minorities account for a huge chunk of the shortage of men, and if women replacing men in the work force and in schools getting an education, the segment of men who simply drop out of the competition when it comes to relationships, much like an 8-4 team who may well be deserving of a better bowl and chooses not to settle, never seem to get much attention.

See, with the hardwiring that men come with, the programming to be ‘a nomad’ is also one that is still important in today world.  There are other ways for a man to get the kind of gratification that comes from sex, and once you eliminate sex as a factor to be with a woman… what else do you have that would make a man leave his personal comfort zone and be willing to risk his way of life?

Even if all the apologists for the bad behavior men and negative demographics were right, the total difference in the numbers of men to women also fall in the (+) (-) range for error.  And when I think about how I think the number of men who don’t even bother with women that never gets mentioned (because it is okay to be a social hermit but not to be an old maid or spinster), I think I know where the ‘missing men’ are.  Not only are we collectively undereducated, under (or un-) employed, or observing some form of chauvinistic and misogynistic behavior, men are just not even competing any more.  I know for myself that STILL remains a viable option.

But it is late.  And I have yet to disclose what is behind my rambling.  Promise, next entry, I will do just that!


Toon said...

Great. Another Power Point-er is to be unleashed on the world! I do some of my best doodling during power point presentations.

Lovebabz said...

Hhmm. Too much!

You will mess around and talk yourself into staying stuck in the Nebraska vortex of nothingness (forgive me)

You are too fine to settle for foolishness, or to be jumping at strings or settling for crumbs. (forgive me)

Gotta go. You are a smart guy...act like it. (forgive me)

LceeL said...

Hah. the previous commenters seem to be taking you to task - so i won't. but I WILL say I was stunned by something that Mr. Banks said - 70% of black births are to unmarried mothers.

Wow. Just wow. Is it any wonder, then, that young black men have 'difficulties'? Where are the Fathers, the 'role models', the Men who are supposed to teach their sons what it means to be a man - HOW to be a man?


Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

Once again I have to agree with Lovebabz. The nothingness vortex is a powerful one and I think we all fight it sometimes.

FrankandMary said...

There is a little group of Internet-dating women at my local Starbucks. They don't talk about looks, or age, or intellect, or personality, or etc, etc of the men, they talk about JOBS & MONEY.
They meet plenty of men who want to be with them, but they want the men with the most cash & the best jobs. You don't nec. want to be dating them anyway....

♥ CG ♥ said...

Hey Mark! I like how you broke down the whole man shortage myth. Looking forward to reading your other thoughts about it.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry the date did not work out, but there are more weekends ahead (except this one, looking forward to seeing you Saturday afternoon).

Have Myelin? said...

Wow - I wasn't sure if I was reading a term paper on dating or a post and that was a very big compliment!!!! =)

tony said...

[in Yorkshire,at least]Women Hunt In Packs.Men Hunt Alone!