Tuesday, March 8, 2011



I guess I think that I am due for a disclaimer of sorts. Like Liz Lee, I do purport this to be a journal about life as I see it. Add emphasis on the journal part. I read other folks journals and they read clear and say so much that I get a little ‘blog envy’ because I don’t think that mine reads as coherently as I would like it to read.

But then if it did, it would not be serving the function I need to as the emotional release valve for my mind. Though I have a deep sense of empathy for others, I don’t think that empathy is something that people in my life have had for me. Unraveling all that mess would be so boring… and really, I am so over it. But there are a few exceptions to this feeling and my mind revisit those experiences with those people from time to time and that is what this entry is about (we hope!).


When I toured Metro College last week, I felt a warm and tingly feeling inside. I could picture running into a Jeff, partially hounding Britta, and eventually finding a Troy and Ahmad to hang with. Maybe chit-chatting in a study group with Pierce… hey if you watch the show then you know the gang, right? The campus has had some recent additions to it and it looks pretty okay (like most of Omaha… it is a very ‘pretty okay’ place!), an inviting enough environment to learn and further yourself to whatever is next in life, you know?

If ‘How Soon Is Now?’ and ‘Once In A Lifetime’ is in a ‘pick ‘em’ battle for my fave and second favorite and influential songs ever, the number three is ‘Blue Jean’ by David Bowie. I remember watching the long version (which can be viewed by clicking the link) on a special ‘Friday Night Videos’ on NBC. I have always been a big David Bowie fan, ever since I remember hearing his music, which begin with ‘Space Oddity’. Too bad that when there is talk about how much Lady GaGa owes Madonna her success, that when it came to making glam accessible to the mainstream, that ‘the thin White Duke’ gets overlooked (and no one mentions Little Richard anymore… geez!). Eh, whatever.

Anywho, with ‘Blue Jean’, the story is simple. Nebbish guy wants hot girl. Hot girl has no interest in the cat but when he gets tickets to the Screamin’ Lord Byron show, she has time for him. The cat then has to go thru ‘ch-ch-ch-changes’ before finally arriving at his seat where at the end of Lord Byron’s show, he is left in the dust, victimized by Bon Jovi, yet again! Though I did not get beat out like that often, I have had to buy plenty of ‘concert tickets’, to find a way to ameliorate differences that I may have intellectually and socially (which may well be one in the same) with a woman. And that is why I ended up wanting to find something with either someone that already knew me, or if I hit ‘the lottery of love’, to get back with Tee Jay.

Do I still love both her and the SFC? Sure I do!! My thinking of them is like the purpose of the number zero… they hold a place value in my heart that is so great that there is no character that could enumerate a value for them. And I really don’t see anything wrong with that. There really are few people that I feel were able to look beyond their own issues and types to even try to see me as I think I am AND as I could be. They saw something in me… something that allowed me to buy that concert ticket and have them leave the show with me!

Now as far as why miles separate me from either of them..? I don’t know if I have told anyone other than the two of them, individually and only in respect to the relationships that I shared with them.


… this has been a long week. Very long.


Jonthy, Alice the uppity white cat's babysitter said...

Mark, you don't need to have blog envy. Writing, as you know, is not easy. In fact it's an art. Your journal is your art and it doesn't have to always be clear. Stream of conscience is not always easy.

I had never seen this David Bowie video. You have very eclectic taste in music. A great virtue.

Keith said...

No Need for Blog Envy...Find your own voice...That's what we all had to do at some point in this blogging experience. Thanks for dropping my blog...Your comments are always insightful.

Keith said...

"Blue Jean" was the story of my life from 7th grade through 12th.

I think I became "cool" and re-invented myself afterwards. LOL!

Toon said...

I was obsessed with that song in ...1985? 1984? It was a big part of my life at that age.

LceeL said...

Now you see? You support an idea I have entertained for a long time that many people I know won't agree with - the capacity of the human heart to "Love" is boundless and it IS possible to be in Love with more than one person at a time.

And as for blog envy? Don't let it touch you. Each and every blog is unique - or at least we hope it is. That uniqueness is part of its message - and allows us a modicum of clarity when drawing the mental image of the blog author in our minds.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

You have a lot of love to give, and that is not a bad thing.