In the story he told, he was able to drag his sister along with him to see their Mother. But as often happens when two different cultures and insecurities mixed with in the pressure cooker that is the Christmas season, a small joke sparked the gases of animosity and anger that Mom’s new boyfriend had seeping from him and he exploded. During this holiday rage, the comedian’s Mom would say things during the incident that led him to believe the violent outburst was not singular and that some of the physical violence that had her beau trashing things around them had been directed at her.
After he, his sister and Mother were able to escape and return home, Gabe said that he felt relived. Relived that he did not get hurt and relived of his ‘obligation’ to keep the connection with his Mother, to let her know she was still a ‘member of the pack’. He realized that his Mother had made her choice and that while the love and ties of family would always been there, he had come to the understanding that she had made a choice to leave one life behind for a new life… and while he could not pass judgment on her choice, he also no longer needed to feel the obligated to maintain the semblance a relationship that his Mother no longer gave the same amount of value to as he did.
I felt like both the comedian and the Mother. From assuming responsibility to maintain a relationship unilaterally as he tried to do with his wayward Mom, to the Mother’s going off into her own world, off on some ‘other stuff’, to find where ‘the turtle took to water’. He did not elaborate on the state of his Mom and I thought that understandable. There was enough information to make an educated guess that she was not enjoying her decision but was living through it. As to the son… the huge sigh at finally having to shrug off this burden that he alone carried and all the associated baggage that was ‘checked in’ when he took on the job of maintaining a connection between his Mother and the family she left behind. When I walked my sister down the aisle I had a similar epiphany regarding the act. That mine came under a different kind of duress did not alter its importance one bit. In some way I think that makes my shedding of my chains even more emphatic. It is easy to move after the house has burned to the ground. But what about after you have tended the lawn and done over the basement and put a new roof on, and the new neighbors are friendly and helpful… and you STILL feel the unease that had you thinking about moving and starting somewhere new?
If there was ever a time I thought that moving to Omaha was the right thing for me to do it was during the time between my scouting trip and my actual permanent relocation. I was growing fond of the Motor and it would have been less stressful riding with the Detroit contingent to the wedding… not to mention I could have done ‘this’ and would have been able to ‘that’ had I remained there…
I know that my life makes you nervous
But I tell you that I can't live in service
Like the doctor who was born for a purpose***
Rudie can't fail
BESIDES, THIS IS PART OF THE ‘EXAMINATION’ THAT IS MY LIFE
Sheria posted her holiday videos on her blog recently and I sat and watched them all the (except for the Celine Dion video) she had posted. One in particular by Dan Fogleberg, was able to move me past my ‘block’ regarding my feelings for my SFC. For the most part I have let the ‘best friend from the service’ connotation be the end all that defines my feelings for her. But since she has come back into my life, I wonder how close we will actually be?
What I do know is that if there is to be another intimate relationship in my life that the person would have to accept ‘my girl’ as my friend. I don’t think that we are going to let the same thing that happened to us before happen again… at least I hope not. This means that whoever was to become a part of my life would have to understand our relationship. It would always be a
How you deal with the ‘what if’ when it comes to love? On my designed excursion through my past relationships, I have not really become or learned anything about me… if anything, I have confirmed that what I am doing with my life does make sense, as well as how I choose to think and feel.
Having time melt away and I am back in our office when I think about her. I can see her with her bright and sparkling eyes and her grin on her face. I don’t think I was shy or anything… maybe it was not meant for us to be more than what we are…
... I do miss her. Just like I missed her before.