Wednesday, October 6, 2010

BREATHE

THOREAU IN WORDS AND IN PICTURES

She calls herself 'The Unreliable Girl' but I have found her to be reliable when it comes to putting up excellent pictures that captures the kind of essence that once dominated my thoughts.  I have found in the first week of this challenge that the kind of thoughts that made others characterize me as 'happy-go-lucky' is still residing in me.  Needs a some TLC, and perhaps a change in environs. Even so, I am  telling you though, in leaving there will still be some lingering doubts.

Prolly because it is home, when I ride through some sketchy parts of town, I see the 'roses' sprouting up among the refuse, blooming.  Some of these neighborhoods will prolly not see the kind of reinvestment that once made them vibrant, but each time I ride by a block of vacant lots or burned out houses, there is that one house, with someone outside working on it, that makes me think that this place will thrive once again.

Rode near AKA's area.  She lives few blocks from Dearborn, near where an old airport was changed to a residential area many, many moons ago.  There was a story about how crime has started to creep in and while comparing it to the rest of the city, it was mild.  But the larger story is that it IS starting to infiltrate an old standard for middle-class Detroit and maybe it is on its inevitable decline.  I hope not.

Same holds true for Corktown, near old Tiger Stadium.  I don't know what ethnic group lives there now... the Hmong gotta live somewhere and if not then correct me, some of the Eastern European folks hang out there.  Riding through these neighborhoods and several others, I see them as I did when I was a little boy, and they hold the same kind of sway over me.

There are houses that you can buy for less money than a Honda Fit!  Sure they need a lot of work, but if you were to research the available grants and loans, you could have your very own piece of property.  I never thought of myself as an entrepreneur, but if I had the proper motivation... I could get into real estate and take my shot, you know?

Anywho, anyone remember the 'Challengers of the Unknown'?  I remember my Mom getting me some of those, old Doc Savage and Conan the Barbarians to read as a child.  With that as source material and my Mom's encouragement, that is why the hesitancy that I have shown regarding restarting MY LIFE in Omaha has been a little startling for me.  I have done some stupid things, prolly because I don't let fear stop me, but I have done a lot of cool things because I can suck it up and do my thing.  But really, who has not wondered if this is going to be an epic fail?  Even with no one admitting as much, not only is a little drop of the acid of fear good, it motivates me. 

ANOTHER DAY



When I first targeted Omaha, I did so thinking that I would be a 'unrequited friend' to Nebraska.  That suited me, because I believe in the pathology of my life, which is to say, I do feel that the closer someone is to me, the more likely that there would be a fail of an magnitude greater than 9000 and its consequence bringing me to ruin.  As far as loneliness goes, I will have to get used to it.

Ten years ago when I was in my own apartment... I used to enjoy standing around and announcing to no one and everyone that I was 'the Lord and Master of all that I survey'.  And I miss that.  I miss lying in a bare apartment one day and then before you know it, bam!  It is full of stuff patched together from garage sales, resale shops and outlet stores. 

Also, unlike the people I have read about who deal with CTBI and rejoin the NT's, I won't be relying on a network of good friends (in the immediate area... I know that I have you wonderful folks on the interwebz to give support and cheer me on!) and family to help me out as I get used to what I am working with.  And that is cool, because I could have been a far better boyfriend and husband when I had the opportunities, no matter what the invitation to my 'pity parties' may have said.  That would have gone a long way to alleviating some of my stress.  But it is also just as likely that I would have led a less enjoyable life and be under a different kind of stress.

Uh... maybe I will speak on realtionships & me a little more at another time...

2 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Glad you are making the rounds as you prepare for your next chapter. We will be here to cheer you on in your new digs :o)

That corgi :) said...

I look forward to reading your adventures in Nebraska, Mark, as you settle into your new surroundings. Will cheer you on as I can :)

betty