I have given some thought to the hearing from last week. The initial meeting with my ex-wife, while destined to be unpleasant really didn't turn until I responded to her inquiry about my relationship status.
Maybe I will get into why the pangs that I feel won't lead me to ask anything of my SFC, but my ex brought up some study that was in the news about men who were married living longer and all that rot. "Are you going to get married again?" she asked. I didn't put any stock into her question and responded by asking HER if she was going to get married. After all last I knew, she was in a relationship and was doing alright. She then mentioned the study that said men who are married live longer. Since I too had seen/heard about the study, I then added the reasons the study said that was true. Seems that men do things to attract a woman's attention, 'peacocking', and that some of the behaviours involve a element of risk that takes time off a man's life.
I told her that if you are going to pursue a relationship and get your knickers in a bunch, yeah, you will shorten your life span. But if you aren't going to pursue a woman or be worried about being alone, I don't see where that will be a problem. Did I ever mention that some folks are of the idea that we could reconcile, and she is among those folks? And even when I came up with the 'ex list', that even if she IS the 'chosen one' of sorts, then I guess I'll be single?
Once I addressed what may have been a clumsy attempt at flicking at embers, THAT is when she started to become the 'n*gga you know I hate'. As to what the issue I had with the FOC, I fell behind in my payments during the three year period I was out of work and until I was awarded disability. There was no payments made to anyone and I have three girls that have support orders.
WHAT IS WHAT..?
The Carolina orders are a part of the overall arrears to the local Friend of Court and the computer takes the largest share of what is taken from my check and hands it to KT and Lexxie. Skye gets what is left. Not my doing but the computer at wherever, FOC or MISHDA.
Had she not been so angry at me, she would have heard the referee explain what was going on. Had she been a little reasonable and let me explain to her what the Judge was saying, we could have gotting things straight right then. She wasn't trying to hear any of that.
My arrears is a gang of dollars, but that is cool. What I got straightened out, having a reduction in my support according to the income I have now (the arrears had been charged me based on what I made at my last job) and to have her declare the initial lump sum payment to Skye from Social Security.
She huffed out of the court, looking straight up like she at a sh*t sandwich and it was runny. I didn't bother with asking her to stop and try to talk with her. There were enough ships sailed that crashed on the rocks in those waters. So I let her rush out without her understanding what took place.
The back child support is the back child support. Part of what she is angry about it that when the my disability started, she recieved a letter that may have indicated that child support was going to stop... IN LIEU of Social Security payment. I mean, it is simple. You don't get both, current charges for child support when support is being made. Does she think I am somehow 'getting over'? I know she does, given the skulls and crossbones that came out of her mouth when she spoke.
I'd tell her that she needs to file to have how the support is distributed change, but I doubt she'd be open to listen to me. That is a plantiff's job, not the defendant. That she would have to come off the filing fees would make her ears smoke. And once the judge decides to leave things at the recommended amout, she would lose her mind.
WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING..?
I think, and with a degree of certainty, that she wanted to fight me during our marriage. This was something that skittered around in my thoughts because though I couldn't be sure, I believe she suggested that my fighting with her would have shown her how much I wanted our marriage.
Can't confirm that, but that she saw fighting as a viable communication option was verified when she implied how unlikely that a man who climbed in the boxing ring and traded punches with some fearsome cats would be fearful of a woman and let her push him around. Like 'this and that', the two things she was speaking of, have no relation to each other. What does fighting and marriage seriously have in common?
My ex-wife is a soap opera villianess. The crap she has pulled with the men in her life that I know of... trust me, if she ends up doing the yearning spinster thing, she would have earned it. I don't know why she didn't give me any of their phone numbers, especially when she herself said that Skye would like to talk with me.
All in all, it was a very draining experience that sapped at my self control. Nebraska and I had a chat and I was short and curt with her. She said something I was still decompressing and hurt her feelings, I believe. *sigh*