THOUGH I WOULD GIVE '09 A 'B'...
... the entire decade was the worst one I have had. We will see if I can talk about details, but again it isn't likely. I have gotten myself to believe that I get thru things by pulling myself forward despite the sharp rocks and gravel on the ground. Wish that I had put on some shoes... but I will keep on moving forward.
Which is why I am sharing this Ben Hoffman clip on here.
I have a picture of KT and I don't know if I am going to share it here. She is a beautiful girl and she will be a star one day. I would be hurt if some crap cat did some diggin' on her after she wins an Academy Award the same year she discovers an affordable cure for AIDS and turns me up.
The line he does about Tiger Woods stats and his own is priceless!
YOU'RE BLOWIN' IT, SON!
Writing thru hurt to heal is one thing. But to do so thru pain is quite another.
As much as I would like wish for things to have been different for me, I also know for a fact that there were 'moments of clarity' where I could have made a different choice. Leaving a road for another day when you went down the wrong one... and knowing that you will never have the chance to travel that same road is hard enough. But to have to look at snippets of 'what could have been' is something else entirely. Sometimes I pretend that it was someone else that caused me to make poor choices... but that would be untrue. 'Moments of clarity'... fate is a picolo player and everyone knows the picolo player is a mofo (thanks, Robin Harris!).
I have been told that I do have good instincts... and in a limited way, I think that I do. But they work best when I am independent of others desires and wants and they are apart from mine. That 'sense' didn't begin to fail me until other people and their lives came into my picture. One of the quiet voices in my head (along with the Gabby Hanes voice that is heard blabbering on 'Jesus Built My Hot Rod' that was trying to convince me of which life path for me to take) has been that I would grow better alone.
My empathy doesn't extend to myself. But I don't think that I am consigned to living without finding out for myself...
3 comments:
I don't think you should burden yourself with that "what could have been".
You really never know what could have been because it never happened ! And you will never know, so let it remain a mystery and stop letting it consume you.
I am sorry this past decade was bad. I hope that this one is better.
It is never to late to take the path less, or never, traveled. Keep listening to the voices, and to your heart, and you will do what is best.
Mark, it was generally a bad decade for everyone except CEOs. Life is so full of might have beens, could have beens and should have beens it's useless to even think abut them. We have to make the best use of the raod we're on and all roads go somewhere. Sometimes we are on the right road going in the wrong direction. Instinct is a wonderful thing if it's tempered with reason.
I applaud your going on. You may be leading us.
DB
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