PRELUDE:
Watching the Texas - Nebraska game was tension filled viewing. Texas was on paper the far superior team. But the game was played between kids on a field and not simulated in a computer lab.
The Huskers were huge underdogs, a curb to be cleared before the inevitable national championship game. Nebraska has a great defense but as good as they are on that side of the ball, the offense can be as ineffective. And against Texas' top flight defensive team, they didn't generate too much of any offense. Then, neither did Texas offense do too much.
As Nebraska's defense rose to the occasion, with its best player (superlative defensive tackle Ndamakong Suh) doing what a team's best player is supposed to do, they nearly pulled off the amazing upset. My heart went out as they saw their hopes go up in a puff of smoke, there but not really there. There was that one second left for the game winning field goal and for a hard fought victory to be snatched away from the underdogs.
I didn't watch the conclusion, having gotten sleepy in the third quarter... but I think I knew what was going to happen because I have had that situation play out in my life enough to know how it would end.
LIVING THROUGH THIS
Let me tell you that to do that is as painful as it sounds. I know that I have had to do that enough in my life, whether it was losing a spelling bee, misplacing tickets to a big concert, or maybe losing the biggest fight of your life and knowing that you won't ever get THAT opportunity again... eh, there are other disappointments in my life that I have had to take full credit for and that I have had to go on and live thru.
Then there are some ... I know that I stress with my journal that I believe in accepting responsibility for my failings. But there are some things that I do wonder 'what if'.
The SFC knows how difficult it has been for me in these long two months. Will it get any better? Who knows??
We've talked about things and we've reached a point of conclusion. As a couple, we make better friends. Sure there were other things that got in the way of us getting together other than not wanting the 'bathroom set next to the kitchen', and they aren't anyone's business but ours. So there will be no details as to what they are OR what they may be.
Now what I have got to focus on, is finding out how I can get myself to where I want to be.
3 comments:
knowing you, Mark,you will get that focus and you will get yourself to where/who you want to be. I have trust in that and you; might take a bit but you plan and you think and you talk and you work on things. It is good that SFC does know that it has been difficult for you and that you guys are talking things rather than "bottling" them up.
betty
I am dismayed to read this entry Mark, you went there hoping such great things. I hope that as time passes, it changes and becomes better. But if not, know we are here for you.
Agreed, Mark. Good luck and keep us posted. {{hugs}}
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