Wednesday, September 16, 2009

REALITY, NOT FANTASY

THE STUFF GOING ON IN THE SALONS

The entire Rep. Joe Wilson thing has gotten on my last nerve. Keith Olberman on his show gave a ten minute monologue on why it isn't the incivility, the thinly veil racism (ol' Joe is a member in good standing of several of those 'sons of the stupid cats who still think the North is wrong' organizations), or his own real policy. In the end, it is about the stupidity, the ignorance.

It IS in black and white how the proposed bill will not fund anything for undocumented illegal aliens. But the debate has been exacerbated by stupid people saying stupid things for selfish reasons. Don't you wish they had this much debate of that damn Patriot Act? And all folks do is stir the damn pot. That, is where someone needs to radio Mission Control, because 'Houston, we have a problem.'

The news that I am watching and reading isn't what everyone else is, dontcha know. Maybe I will write about it ...

LETTING GO OF PEOPLE WHO NO LONGER MATTER TO YOU AND YOUR LIFE

I will read a journal and folks will be talking about one of the most misunderstood aspects of our social lives, friends and family. If it isn't you, I wonder how many people you do know that have these 'toxic relationships' that persist in their lives, this 'freinemie' thing? People you say that you like, but you are suspicious or distrustful of. Someone you would not mind placing blame on at work, even though you go out to lunch with. You know, the same kind of folks who invited Carrie to the prom ... all done and set up with the intention to laugh at her.

Why don't we do like Carrie did? Because we are not telekinetic, that is why!! But what we can do is TREAT people the way Carrie did, to dismiss them so thoroughly that it is as though they are of no significance to you. I have always wondered, sometimes I will even ask a person, why do they keep on with someone who aggravates them so? I know that I can't maintain an attitude of 'even though he is a jerk, we are still cool' attitude. For me, if you don't like me, that is cool ... cause more than likely I won't like you. And there is no worries about it, because I could be your teammate and pass you the ball for the winning shot, but I will be sure to go do my own thing when the game is over.

Maybe we play well together on the basketball court, but it doesn't mean that I like you. It means I wanted to WIN. Big difference. Now leave me alone and get the hell away, you bother me.

Having few friends sorta nags at me, no lie. But the truth is that it does so mainly for the sake of discussion. Only in broaching this subject, usually when I hear someone talk about some messy friendship or relationship they have, and I ask them why don't they leave them alone? If their is no good use or function to the relationship, what is the problem?

I don't necessarily think that I have 'stare down eyes'. But I do feed off the emotions of writing someone off. When I think back of the moments that I have looked someone in the face and told them 'the end', I wear a smile. Not because I enjoyed it, after all, I had hoped that the relationship went 'right'. I smile because I stood up for myself and what I dream of. This person was inhibiting that from happening. I am glad to get rid of them, so that I can get on with the business of living and making my life happen.

When I think on my growing up, it was full of kids who they themselves didn't know how to behave. Being a 'friend' was an ephemeral thing, but I noticed something quick fast. When I didn't have to worry about certain cats who called themselves 'friend', I had better days in school.

In high school, their was the cat who came from the same jr. high as I did ... there was about ten of fifteen kids from my honor class alone. Anywho, we were 'different' now that we were in high school and we got to be 'different' on the high school caste system.

His went up ... he got into the 'cliques' and whatever. I ended up playing Dungeons & Dragons. What kept us in contact was ROTC. We both were part of the corp, and military service was important in both of our families. But there were things about him that I DID NOT LIKE.

Whatever reason, he would like to 'peel off' and hang with me at the oddest times ... that we went home the same way, catching either the bus on 7 mile or the 8 mile bus at Northland Mall, meant that no matter which way I went, he would get off as well. And for whatever reason the girls were sweet on him, but he would rag on whatever I thought was cute.

My senior year, I changed schools. That was the last time I had a toxic person who I CALLED a friend.
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Saying that 'someone got what they paid for', with me isn't a way for me to shrug off whatever I have done in a particular relationship. My ex wife, bless her heart (that is an amelioration ... and you KNOW this, maaann!!) got what she paid for. She was still stuck in that angry, left out of the reindeer games, that people her age should have gotten over, or at least made big steps in doing so. That is what I banked on, her slight edge in maturity, being something that I could lean on, as I learned how to be a husband and a father right out the gate.

Marriage is a lifetime comittment, blah, blah. I did think that if we were in for the long haul, we'd figure thing out. But dag, she still had so much high school going on, that it wasn't even funny. What I can remember from the brief courtship and early days of our marriage only makes me upset with myself. Not for being caught off guard or ignoring the signs, but for allowing someone who brought bad energy into my life, to be a part of what I hoped for.

Haven't given out an invitation like that since. Maybe I HAVE been the pumpkin carriage for someone else, but as to my taking a ride in one, no thanks. The reason I don't care to deal with people that I have to call 'stupid' on the one hand, then say 'that's my girl/boy' is that is a source of stress.

What is the point of someone being in your life, if they don't bring any benefit to it? By that I mean, it all they do is Schleprock around, putting bad into any mix you got going, not being able to wish a sucker the best. I have always watched out as I ran around doing my thing. Outsiders have never bothered me too much.
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The nephew that stole from me is back, and I guess he has somehow found his way to high school. I can't forget, but I have forgiven him. For no other reason than that someone had to forgive me for the stuff I have done.

The toxic friend that I spoke of? HE is the one that stole a car from the just plain ol' Sinai Hospital, next to our high school. I WAS the one who had to hold the weight when the jigg was up. We began a polite conversation after the stuff went down and my Mom cleaned it up. But it was all 'head nods & elbow pounds' after that. There was no longer any reason for us to pretend to be friends anymore.

Had my ex wife been willing to do that, get rid of the 'waste products' that she had in her life, maybe again, we'd have had a better chance. Her self esteem was such that she didn't see that she was (and admittedly, remained) a level above the loser girls she hung with. But she didn't see it that way. Instead of lifting her level, she would fall to where they were. Mookie shared a quality that was like that with her.

People like that are lessons in my life, ones that I have lived by. I have never been engaged with people like that outside of the folks I lived with in the 48219. Have I been the 'toxin' in other's lives ..? Hey, I am sure I have been, and I can live with the guilt from it. I honestly try to improve on myself everyday.

But to keep someone who holds you back and impair your attitude in your life, I don't get it. It isn't that I don't have warm fuzzies about MD ... but all her crap washes it out. I can't think of the good with out all the bad obscuring it. It becomes something that I would rather not do.

Anywho ... this is a very Mark -isian entry. A little scatter shot, but I will pull it together.

3 comments:

Beth said...

Nah, I know exactly what you mean. If I don't enjoy being around someone, then I'm not around them. Period. It can get a little harder with family, but I'm fortunate in that most of my family is pretty cool, and I like them--and we don't really have a choice with family! Friends, however...why be around someone that brings you down, or for whatever reasons, you just don't LIKE? I don't get it. Hugs, Beth

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sounds like my work environment. I deal well with folks at work, but mostly in a professional manner. Most of them are not the type I would go and hang with, mostly because I am pretty much of a loner and introvert. So, pick a few people you want to be around, and smile politely to the rest :o)

ThomasLB said...

I never bought Joe Wilson's explanation that he was so overcome with emotion that he couldn't control himself. This was something he planned to do from the start.