DECOMPRESSION

BEFORE THE BEGIN OF THE BEGINNING

Since I am going to make a study of going to D.C., I have decided to re-invest in my bike yet again. I think it makes more sense to purchase her a new one when we decide to make our move permanent. Because I had put my 'vehicle' (it really deserves a name ... ooh, I got it ... TRIXIE!!) in the shop yesterday, I had to catch the 'iron pimp', i.e., the bus, to pick it up.

Seated on the bench seats directly behind the driver was a tall young man, late teens, 21 or 22 at the oldest. His legs were extended into the aisle, and the bus was full. As I reached for the strap to hold onto, the bus lurch forward and I stumbled. In the seat facing forward, a young girl, high school age, tried to suppress a snicker. Because I was in a good mood, I said to her, "Right, right ... that ALMOST was something there!" Then the surly cat mumbled something under his breath.

What turns me 'on' is hard to identify, and I am not meaning sexually. I mean, what makes my 'defense condition levels' rise. Since we were at 'orange' according to Homeland Security over the holiday weekend, I am going to say that I was at 'Def Con 3'. Maybe the reason for such a heightened state will be shown in subsequent entries. Needless to say, though I was smiles with the young lady, I was NOT playing with this cat.

Standing, I leaned into him and asked him to repeat what he said. "Man, you need to watch where you are walkin', " he said. Our eyes met. I was reminded of an incident at a winter fair, save my mood had turned quite dark in this one, quickly. I 'knew' where I was at on all levels of awareness. Coldly, I stared right at him and said, "That if you didn't have your feet in the aisle, they may not get stepped on. You see me, don't you? Move your feet." I was calm, didn't raise my voice or anything. I didn't have to. He heard me.

As the bus continued on, I held his gaze for a good ten seconds before he dropped his eyes. Then I stood over him for the remainder of my short trip on the bus. I was still aware that I had a higher purpose than providing this young man with an impromptu lesson in etiquette on a bus, but I am also on a bit of an edge. Again, this is not a easing of things, but a shifting of a weight. The weight hasn't gone anywhere, it is like so still there.

When I woke up, I wanted to simply get my bike, go buy a new watch battery, a new key ring, and go home and wait for my SFC to give me a call. But again ... Def Con 3 ... there is a bit of an edge to me, and I will prolly get into that as things settle down. I can only run so far, read so much, and do WHATEVER to pass the time and find activities that are non-hindering to the goal and the mission at hand.

I need to find something to balance myself ... to steady me again. This past month has really thrown me for a loop, and I don't want to let my perspective become distorted.

For over two years, I knew what I was doing, and where I was going. Right now, I am not sure of too much of anything, except that tomorrow is on its way.