Tuesday, July 7, 2009

DECOMPRESSION

BEFORE THE BEGIN OF THE BEGINNING

Since I am going to make a study of going to D.C., I have decided to re-invest in my bike yet again. I think it makes more sense to purchase her a new one when we decide to make our move permanent. Because I had put my 'vehicle' (it really deserves a name ... ooh, I got it ... TRIXIE!!) in the shop yesterday, I had to catch the 'iron pimp', i.e., the bus, to pick it up.

Seated on the bench seats directly behind the driver was a tall young man, late teens, 21 or 22 at the oldest. His legs were extended into the aisle, and the bus was full. As I reached for the strap to hold onto, the bus lurch forward and I stumbled. In the seat facing forward, a young girl, high school age, tried to suppress a snicker. Because I was in a good mood, I said to her, "Right, right ... that ALMOST was something there!" Then the surly cat mumbled something under his breath.

What turns me 'on' is hard to identify, and I am not meaning sexually. I mean, what makes my 'defense condition levels' rise. Since we were at 'orange' according to Homeland Security over the holiday weekend, I am going to say that I was at 'Def Con 3'. Maybe the reason for such a heightened state will be shown in subsequent entries. Needless to say, though I was smiles with the young lady, I was NOT playing with this cat.

Standing, I leaned into him and asked him to repeat what he said. "Man, you need to watch where you are walkin', " he said. Our eyes met. I was reminded of an incident at a winter fair, save my mood had turned quite dark in this one, quickly. I 'knew' where I was at on all levels of awareness. Coldly, I stared right at him and said, "That if you didn't have your feet in the aisle, they may not get stepped on. You see me, don't you? Move your feet." I was calm, didn't raise my voice or anything. I didn't have to. He heard me.

As the bus continued on, I held his gaze for a good ten seconds before he dropped his eyes. Then I stood over him for the remainder of my short trip on the bus. I was still aware that I had a higher purpose than providing this young man with an impromptu lesson in etiquette on a bus, but I am also on a bit of an edge. Again, this is not a easing of things, but a shifting of a weight. The weight hasn't gone anywhere, it is like so still there.

When I woke up, I wanted to simply get my bike, go buy a new watch battery, a new key ring, and go home and wait for my SFC to give me a call. But again ... Def Con 3 ... there is a bit of an edge to me, and I will prolly get into that as things settle down. I can only run so far, read so much, and do WHATEVER to pass the time and find activities that are non-hindering to the goal and the mission at hand.

I need to find something to balance myself ... to steady me again. This past month has really thrown me for a loop, and I don't want to let my perspective become distorted.

For over two years, I knew what I was doing, and where I was going. Right now, I am not sure of too much of anything, except that tomorrow is on its way.

4 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I am a little confused, I thought you had a great time in VA, but you indicate you are unsettled. You have my e-mail, if you need to talk, send me an e-mail and we can chat.

a corgi said...

I think I get it Mark; you have been going in one direction for awhile and then you shifted that direction; it has to be a bit disconcerting to rethink your plans and maybe cause some unsettling.....I'm thinking you'll have it pretty well figured out soon

betty

Beth said...

I'm confident that you will once again find your sea legs, so to speak. When plans change, it can take a bit for the rest of you to catch up, but I know you will. Good job on the bus, by the way. And I definitely like "Trixie!" Hugs, Beth

Celeste said...

I get it. The high is off butit is still there and now you need to step back and reset your goal. As for that young man...he needed to know what real power is.