Whenever someone is talking about their new found love, I imagine us all in a long line, and that I get a chance to 'move up a spot' when they go on off prancing in the meadows with the deer dancing and butterfly in their hair. Apparently, enough people have had their turn.
So I've got 'next'.
'I got next', is a play on the pick up basketball term. Cats are on the court, and you want a chance to play, a 'run'. So you ask the fellas who are watching if anyone has 'next', and if no one responds, then you can call 'next'. When the game underway ends, it is your 'next'.
And I've got mine.
It is the most amazing story. I have spent this whole month trying to digest it as I go. Sometimes I get dizzy because this is something that is not only happening, but EXACTLY what I asked for.
So now, I have to wonder if I asked for everything I will be getting?
That is important, because along with asking for all that I want, in my life I have found myself wanting. On further analysis, there shouldn't have been any surprise to my career fail, relationship fail, or plain ol' fail fail.
There was something missing in me, and that something would end up being magnified because it didn't mesh well with the what was missing in someone else ... or some of what they may have had.
When I lost out with Tee Jay, I came to the conclusion that I was still short a little, that I needed to go back to find what it was I had. THAT, along with my want for her was the motivation for the Ex-List. That and the FACT that I believed that my love has came thru my life already. And before I launched another search for the 'next Miss What's Happenin', I felt that I owed it to myself to go back and allow for someone to come back.
When I look at my profile, and reflect on what I have shared here, I have wondered myself if I was like 'The Most Interesting Hood Rat' in the world. I mean, I am not top shelf, nor have I led a top shelf life. But when I do sit down and talk with my current peer group, they remind me of Peter Gabriel's 'Big Time', because 'I greet them all with the widest smile and always they're amazed ...' at the stories of where I have been.
But now, since I can only access remnants of my own life, and I did not think as I ran through my youth that I would ever need a momento from anywhere, who is it that knows where I have been and the places I have gone? Who would care?
And that is where the idea came to find out if I could get with someone from my past, and build a new relationship with them. Not that I am afraid of going forward, but because I hadn't done it, as many folks have had, I figured to give it a shot.
NEXT: THE DARKHORSE