Monday, June 22, 2009



I was asked if it was the words that I say and write that she was in love with ... and I know what she meant.

As the best looking girl I had ever been with, I would have made sure that you felt good about yourself. There wouldn't have been any doubt about who put the light in my eyes, because they'd shine for only you.

No, I told the SFC. It isn't that the words only sound sweet to your ears and look wonderful to your eyes. It is that you KNOW in a way that goes down all the way to the bottom of your soul and back again, that from me those words mean what you want them to mean.

I would not be saying them to you, if they didn't.

People try to become who they imagine themselves, fashioned like an avatar in an interactive game. Who knows what is behind the image that they create? The message boards were like that ... but I have led a 'semi-larger than life' life already. I didn't see the harm of me simply being who I am. Who'd believe me anyway? Besides, if I found someone on line, it wasn't a need to appeal to the masses.

I only wanted to appeal to some ONE.

I really liked her 'cake' analogy. It goes something like this: You see a picture of a beautiful cake on the box, and you want to make that cake. You have to go get and put together all the ingredients, measure them just right and blend them together.

You know that you have done everything right ... you even have the right frosting to ice the cake and everything. Pour the batter in the pans and when you take them to oven, the batter SCREAMS, "Noooo!! It is too hot in there!!"

Looking at the pan, you say, "But don't you want to look like that beautiful cake on the box?" The cake says, "Yes I do, but it is too hot in there!"

"Well," you go, "if you want to look like that, you must go through the fire before you become like that beautiful picture."

In goes the cake. After its time in the heat of the oven, it comes out and you begin to frost it. After all the fetching of the ingredients, the mixing and the fire, you can ice the cake and it is beautiful.

The moral: Sometimes you have to go through the fire to get to become all that you can be.

The reason that I kept throwing out the KC-Omaha Kings, and Nebraska football, is that I had hoped to get you to understand that I wasn't some desperate cat, trolling for someone to open their heart so I could take advantage of them. It [sic] was that I was willing to make the big leap, to put it all on the line for the chance to be in love.

With my SFC being as enthusiastic as she is, and me having an understanding of how deeply she feels, it make me soo thrilled that she wants me!! I mean of all the cats she could prolly be wanting to have been with, she looked and found me!!

That is the only way I can see this ... it was purposeful that we come together at this time. Have I said that already? I told her that she will have to get used to the idea of being 'Louise', because that is how I see us! She laughed, and said she is going to try to wrap her head around it.

As much as I care about you ... I want to be in love, and you weren't interested in falling in love with me. Too many reasons to get into, but I wasn't going to bother you about any of them. We could be friends and you made that clear. I only want for someone what they want for themselves, and in our case, your want did not include me.

I can be a pretty enthusiastic cat, when it comes to being in love. Senorita could prolly vouch for this, but Patti on 'Millionaire Matchmaker' often moans about the West Coast laid back attitude. On the East Coast men are much more aggressive. West Coast guys won't press a lady after a good date, won't call right away. They are too mellow.

East Coast cats are pure 'hunters'. When they see something they like, they pounch. Had a good first date? Within two days, they are calling to see when you can do it again. They are straight up and forward.

Have I mentioned that the SFC is from New Jersey?

Because I have tried to reinvent myself, alone and wanting for someone, I feel like I know how lonely it is out here. It is even more lonelier when you are told that you are a great person and that there is someone out there for you. I know how that feels for me ... don't know what it is for anyone else. I know that I would '... move heaven behind those eyes'.

I didn't think that would have been enough, not from me it would have been. And for me to be that selfish, to want to make you 'see' that it was here in me, just isn't my style. I can handle the ache of unrequited love far better than I can handle the doomed pursuit of someone who doesn't want me.

Not only is this the right thing, but this is the right time. No one is trying to fool the other. This is right when 'we' were supposed to happen. We weren't ready for each other when we first met, but we are now. With what we have been through together, you know when I say that I would do anything I can for you, that means just that.

You aren't 'in love' with words. You are in love with the person SAYING the words.



Joann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joann said...

I'm on the wrong side of the nation!!! Men on the east coast are more agressive??

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Marlin says, the world is big, and go where the big game is :o)

a corgi said...

I liked the cake analogy, Mark. sometimes you do have to go through a lot of fire (life) to get to the right place, indeed

because of my faith, I always believe there's a purpose for things, timing, etc. Don't know what the purpose may be as you are living through it, but on the other side of the tunnel we can usually figure out why we walked this particular challenge and how it made us grow.