Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE READY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW

NEVER

There is no obsequiousness in my words when I talk about my attachment with my SFC. It isn't that she is the only one that could have called me and pull me into her life at the last second, I am the only person she could have thought to call to invite in to her life from out of the blue.

Y'all do know I don't even know what she looks like now, don't you? We are both about the same regarding photos, so she doesn't have any up of herself on line. But if Alaina could find herself around to take and post a unobscured photo, then we will have to work around our picture phobia.


And I can't wait for y'all to see her. Now, the rest of the story that the prelude was attached to from the other day.

PICKING THROUGH THE 'TRASH'


One thing I've learned, being single at 50, is that you can forget the idea that someone is going to fall from the sky unencumbered by any complications. If I was straight, I'd almost assuredly be dating someone separated or divorced, perhaps with kids. It's almost suspicious to meet someone without some sort of baggage. If they're attractive, smart and funny, other men will have noticed before me; and if they are emotional healthy, they will have had involvements, sometimes recently. You can sit at home and lament the dearth of white knights without a past galloping by to take you to their castle, or you can get to know people and let things develop or not just by being yourself and having an open heart.
I hope he doesn't mind, but I snagged this from Marc's journal the other day. I think that it covers why what I consider my 'frustrations' with the partnership rituals may sound harsh, bitter even. I have no bitterness, and if I did, I would be directed at me. I am the one who couldn't do what I needed to do, to be who and what I wanted to be.

'Arrested Development' wasn't just one of the funniest shows on the telly during its run, but it is also a mental state, too. Talking with women, and their unrealistic expectations in love, their misguided approach to it, and their own inflated (or as damaging, insecure) sense of self that makes them worthless in a real relationship ...

... and a 'real relationship' is described in Marc's words for anyone who have lived life. Maybe that is it ... I wonder how much of life have these women lead? Do they ever leave the confines of their own mind, the ideas that scramble in their head? The blinged out fantasies of videos and tabloid magazines?

Instead of making the necessary adjustments to get to know someone, these women cling beyond the 'fail safe' point to their immature notions of a dashing prince, sweeping them off in a fairytale fashion ... them and their assorted children, their Mom and her crap sibs and then THEIR ADD children ...

... you get my point. Though I don't think I had unrealistic hopes with either Mookie or Tee Jay, it sort of was disappointing to discover that they stopped growing ... and gee, I really did dream that Tee Jay's Mom told me that she was 'somewhere else', mentally.

Though I write regularly, I have been on here writing nearly every day this month. Honestly, I am looking forward to the day where I am NOT writing ... coming out to comment, and an entry maybe two or three times a week. I want to spend as much time with my Jersey Girl as I can.

For me, that would include being lost in thought of her. I happen to think that some men & women don't quite know 'how' to be IN LOVE. Somehow, it is as if it's a bad thing to be IN with someone. To hang on their words, to be willing to do whatever it is, in their interest. When did being compliant to your partner get such a bad name?

Family shows of my time ... 'The Cosby Show', 'The Waltons', 'Little House On The Prairie' ... they have been replaced by cartoonish dysfunction in the form of 'The Simpsons', and 'Family Guy' ... even the show I referenced, 'Arrested Development'.

When did being part of stable, safe, household get to be such a great punchline?

I guess this entry is one of contrasts, because whenever I want to make a case for 'dealing', sometimes 'dreaming' gets in the way. They are at extremes, and somewhere between the two is the life that we are all living in.

What can I say about my girl? That she is nothing I would have expected at the same time she is everything I could have wanted? I do know that I have never looked at anyone with the eyes that I had for her, and held such a unsullied picture of in my mind.

Saying that we are going to do 'fine' is being modest. We are going to be wonderful together. I told her that we are going to be the couple that people look at, and wish that they had the love and the affection that we will exude when we are together. That they'd wish to have someone in their life that when one is asked about the other, the far away, lost in love look comes over them, and the person asking can only shake their head in envy.

That is what I am looking forward to sharing with my dear friend. And no, there is no air in that, big boy!

THE END!

3 comments:

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Even though I have to admit I used to watch Rosanne, I can honestly say that I have never watched the Simpsons, Family Guy, or any other of the new (last 10 years) shows that denegrate the family tradition.

24 hours, give or take, your life is about to change forever :o)

Joann said...

WOW!!! You're BOLD!!! GO FOR IT!!! I'm very happy for you both!! But... WOW!! = )

Beth said...

Great googly moogly, Mark, I feel nervous and excited, so I can only imagine how you feel!

I'm going to do another Detroit entry, and I was going to put up the picture I took of you. Is that okay? It's a really good one.

I'm with you on wondering what happened to devotion. There were plenty of times at various jobs over the years when my female coworkers bitched about their husbands or boyfriends, and then did a little general man-bashing. I just don't think that's fair, and usually said so. I don't just love my husband...I happen to like him, too. Nothing wrong with that in my book. XO Beth