Wednesday, June 24, 2009



*sigh* But it is a good, soft, summer sigh on the first 90 degree day of the year (or so the Germans would have you believe). No more running for the rest of the week ... the SFC said I can do all that stuff with her. And I agree, because I do indeed plan on 'doing stuff' with her!

Marc made a post about some potential 'new what's happenin' in his life, and he spoke of the different issues facing people in relationships as they mature. I won't excerpt it here ... saving it for a more in depth entry.

What is on my mind today, is that one of the things that I am looking forward to discovering, is the question that many people ask, but I wonder how many of them understand what they are asking when they wonder ... what they would do, if someone did for them, what they did for whoever left them. Answering the egotistical notion that their brand of love is so superior that what they gave to 'whoever' is so supercalifragilistic, that whoever must be 'a fool to pass them by'.

Many people who are hoping to be in love, seeking it, recovering from its loss, or chasing it into hopelessness, ask themselves "What's it like, to be loved by someone the way that I am capable of loving?"

A lot of times, we are so caught up in the wash of what we are doing, that we have tend to have a grander sense of what 'our love' is. I have sort of 'thought' that I left some positive things behind me ... I mean, I have had some folks lay themselves bare in my day. Getting dx'd by Mookie and re-shelved by Tee Jay is the LEAST of what they themselves experienced when I told them that 'I don't'.

I think that they were understood then, even as they know now, that I 'could have been' that person for them. But like most remakes, they fall short of the original, no matter how good the latest version is. 'Cape Fear' and 'The Manchurian Candidate' are two examples of what I mean. De Niro as great as he is, is no Mitchum ... no matter how good Glenn Close is, Angela Landsbury makes you wonder how did she ever get to be the crime solver in 'Murder, She Wrote'.

When I was with Mookie, and things became inevitable, I decided to focus on being the person that I wanted to be. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. Still, I figured that I was supposed to be learning something for down the line, so I stuck it out.

You get what you ask for and you also tend to get what you deserve. I think that means that you do what you have to, so that you can recieve what you are wanting. And however you have been preparing, will you be able to determine what you have earned.

I get all shuddery, when I remember what I felt about the SFC (note; she did say I could call her 'Jersey Girl') when we served together ... of course it wasn't what everyone else thought. And those images allow for realistic expectations, that the actualization is greater than I thought.

She really loves me. People, you just don't know how much she loves me.

I guess, I wonder what people think when they are face with what they wanted from 'that absolutely wonderful person' that you had no idea wanted you too. And their desire for you, is leaving you in the dust.

All I can do is run after her. Just like I always have.


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

It is hot and humid, I did yard work yesterday afternoon, had to take a second shower for the day.

I am sure you are beside yourself with excitement, hope you can find something to distract you to make the time go faster :o)

a corgi said...

I agree with what Ken said; hope you are finding ways to keep yourself busy Mark until your day of departure; I can catch your excitement building in your words written :)


Mr.Mischief said...

Very cool post, glad to hear things are going that well for you :)

Beth said...

Here it is Wednesday already, and it's almost over. One more full day to go and then you'll be on your way. I'm so excited for you! Hugs, Beth