Monday, June 8, 2009

A BRICK IN THE SMALL OF THE BACK

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU DO ..?

I think that I lost $250 during the week. My initial reaction was to go over my steps, and check where I had been. Went over my daily list, and tried to imagine where I would have been exposed to that kind of risk.

Did that for two whole days, then on the third day, I called my Dad, and said I think that someone in the house may have taken my money. I wasn't frantic, nor insistent. I 'thought' this, wasn't completely sure. But there was circumstantial evidence that made me go in that direction.

Finally, on a nice and early 'blow out run', did about 6 miles and was able to relax, relate, and release.

RELAX

I am not a sprint star. I think I would do a 4 hour marathon ... but the thing is, I CAN DO IT. Whatever 'speed' I have comes out in interval training. With Kay & Bee due here in a couple of weeks, I want to 'look the part' when they arrive. That is more a reaction to my competitive nature ... no, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN the side bet about weight loss! I still haven't been on a scale, but I KNOW I am under 220lbs!!

It was early, the sun was up, so I am guessing around 7 a.m. I haven't been getting much sleep any time this week (which is NOT related to this incident, BUT is part of the larger picture ... wait until it develops!), and I had to wait until the sun rose. I wanted the sun to 'spark' me, so that I would keep on charging as I ran.

With 'looking good' on my mind, I sped off relative to the pace I usually keep. In my head, I keep a cadence to my steps, and I wanted to make sure that I kept the 'Airborne Shuffle' above the double time. That would make sure that I was moving out at a better pace than normal.

I like getting past the previous threshold of when my lungs start to get a little 'hitch', trying to increase their capacity. It only means that I am working. Good deal! Saw some bottles and cans, and thought to myself I need to get on my bike, circle back around and snag them!

The big thing is, like my conscious, my mind was also free. Free from the 'fatigue poisons' of life, the worries and self doubts and false perceptions that appear when you 'think' something, but don't 'know' it. And that is what this was, my missing money. Something that I was 'thinking' so strong about, but DID NOT KNOW. Did I really KNOW that someone went into my bag and lifted my loot? I THOUGHT it, but didn't KNOW it.

... but now that I was 'relaxed' ...

RELATE

There are things that I think may be inferred from my story out here. For instance, last night was one spent flipping from the game back to the Tony's!! Put in mind a lyric from Devo's 'Freedom of Choice', the lines that go:

In Ancient Rome there was a poem
About a dog who found two bone
He picked at one, he licked the other
He went in circles, and he dropped dead

When facing a dilemma, many a time a person can be undone by all the 'if that' and 'what about' that 'may could have happened'. In short, stretches of thought that began as possibilities, but then you rationalize them into probabilities.

Though I had waited a few days before I told my Dad what I thought, still I had to wonder, why did that make sense to me?

Because I have moved past so much of this, I am not going to detail it. But back in the 48219, this would have been a 'probable' not a possible. I know that my sister's walked over my brother and me, but because I was the oldest, I was able to get up and out before the dreaded 'black matriarchal complex' could take hold of me, and have me running out at a sister's beck and call, as if I was a familiar to her ghetto voodoo. So if it seems like I pick at sister's unfairly, it is more that I know that I am not 'cut' to make them suffer from the standard crap that they deal with. But because they do and have, it makes me go out of my way and stray from my path ... if that makes any sense.

If it doesn't, it WILL soon.

So I came to the conclusion that I was making 'sense' out of something that while possible, was also unlikely. I wasn't in the 48219. I have never felt or been disrespected like that with my steps, and it is unlikely that they would stoop to that. They do their thing ... their thing is different from my thing, but it doesn't mean that it is all good, you know.

It wasn't what I thought it was. The 'why' was missing. No motive, no case.

RELEASE

'Get over yourself'. I still shake my head that Nebraska would risk a friendship because I suggested she get over herself. Maybe I should have said 'DiMaggio'. Anywho, not only is that good advice to give, it is also good advice to TAKE.

I don't think that anyone lifted my money. I MUST have misplaced it. Period. This is the 2nd time I have done something like this, but this is the largest sum, before it was $50. Mark, face it ... you are 'hurt' and things like this are going to happen to you. Quit trying to find excuses, trying to project a scenario that you have to make leaps of logic to make a possibility.

As I finished the last half of my run, I let go of those thoughts. That couldn't have happened, not without a 'why'. There IS no why, because it didn't happen. That is what I know. And now I am just disappointed in myself, because I can't afford to have lost that kind of money.

I am feeling good, back up to the mid eighties of 'chillness'. I am fine.

3 comments:

a corgi said...

only because it happened so recently in my own house/life, Mark, do consider that perhaps someone might have taken that $250. It might not have been a member of your family but someone else coming through the house who saw what they thought might be a good opportunity. These are trying times and I think sometimes people get desperate for a bit of spending cash. But.....you know the situation far more better than I do. I will pray that God shows you where that money is or directs you to where it is, similar to how he showed us where my son's change container was (minus the dollar bills).

glad you had a good run though!

betty

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry that you lost the money, but glad nothing sinister. My "plan" is not going quite as expected, maybe these night shifts and less beer will let me make some gains :o) Glad your program is on track.

Beth said...

It would bother me to misplace that kind of money, or have it nicked, too. Maybe if you have one designated place where you put your valuables, and that way you KNOW that it has to be there...? Love the inclusion of the Devo lyric, and it fits perfectly here. Hugs, Beth