Friday, May 15, 2009



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Do y'all get tired of my music entries? I hope they give y'all an insight to how my mind is 'sounding' as I think certain thoughts.

I went to the credit union today to get some weekend spending cash out and there she came, skin about the same complexion of Tee Jay, built on the lines of Nebraska, as tall as My Delta Girl, walking in line behind me. And on the visual, I started 'sparking', to see if I would get 'picked up' on her radar ... and I did.

Confirmed that she was 'approachable' from the site inspection intel, and I did want to talk, could have talked to her, and on nice enough spring day ...

When I think about my man Joe Blessing over at 'The Breakup Diaries', I wonder where did he come from? I mean, what was he like in high school, did he have girlfriends or just a group of guys he did the pal around thing with. Because though I dealt with what I dealt with growing up, I didn't remain limited by it.

Didn't have enough of anything, save for the ONE girlfriend that I had, and my unrequited thingy I had for Jenny. Maybe there was a fellow nerdette from band or some other equally marginalized lass who was interested. Never came up and let me know.

Surviving my first 18 mos. in the service made sure I wouldn't be a shrinking violet ever again. The previous angsty years of adolescence? I did my best to leave them behind. And in doing so, I went from a middling component on the relationship food chain to a prime apex level on it.

There is a part of me, that see women that way. So sue me. But I know better than that. Even as I saw myself as successful in my 'mission' if I went on it, I had to wonder would I be up to what it would take if I was successful. What would happen if she gave me her number, and when I called we had a good conversation. What would happen if I talked her in to going to see Willie Nelson at the Hoedown this Sunday, and she enjoy the event.

What would happen if she liked me back?

I hardly ever think of meeting up with a girl and failing. I accept that it can happen, and it speaks for itself. It is the SUCCESS of meeting and getting past the few early obstacles that I was wondering about. If she gave me a real shot, and we hit it off, would I be able to leave the opportunity? Would I be confused as to whether or not I still should leave town, or would want to stay and make a life with her.

What would happen if we began to fall in love with one each other?

I kept still my tongue. Getting rejected is nothing. That happens. It is what happens when you are initially SUCCESSFUL where the problems begin. You have to be able to think and see beyond the present moment.

With my heart beating hard in my chest, I said nothing to this most beautiful woman. I will never see her again, and her image will fade from my memory. Next week, I won't even recall meeting her in the credit union, and a month from now, I won't remember what she looks like. Hey, that is the way my cookie crumbles.


Mission creep is the expansion of a project or mission beyond its original goals, often after initial successes.[1] The term often implies a certain disapproval of newly adopted goals by the user of the term. Mission creep is usually considered undesirable due to the dangerous path of each success breeding more ambitious attempts, only stopping when a final, often catastrophic, failure occurs.

The above was a possible example of it in a new romance. Should I had been successful at the introductory phase of the romance, what then? It would have make the definition come to life, adding to my full and complicated (for me) life.

It could also apply to Tee Jay. I would like to reach out and talk to her, hang with her, even if it is in a platonic relationship. And I say to that, 'looks good, but say that out loud and see how it sounds?' The game that I have been playing with myself, to get me here, has worked this far. I will stick with it, thank you very much.

At then end of the wikipedia definition, the highlighted portion is why I didn't take a shot at the lady today. I don't take shots without the intention of making them, so I think I could have at least got her to give me her number. What then? She called to mind the three most attractive women I know. That means a big component of the motivation factor was there. I was dressed neatly for a change, not the 'hobo on a bike' chic that I travel in most days. I didn't even pick up any bottles to return for deposit!! As far as anyone knew, I looked normal!!


... and quiet as kept, I don't email or IM Nebraska all that much either. But that is forshadow there. Getting back in the here and now ...

I don't believe in the self esteem thing. Have I mentioned that before? If I taught, and Johnny couldn't do the work, then Johnny would get an 'F'. If Johnny's Mom wants him to get a better grade, it is HER JOB to encourage him to earn it. I will give him time with the other students who are willing to come after classes is over for an extended class, to work that crap out.

If Johnny is going home, hanging on the eye, losing his brain cells to radio and television music videos, along with the crap reality shows, don't wonder why he get an 'F' and can't read. Look at how much went into getting Helen Keller on line, and THAT took the effort of a mircale worker.

My confidence in me is there because I HAVE DONE enough things to give me confidence. In other words, like Smith-Barney, I have earned mine. Period, end of story. As to finding someone, the only way that I won't, is if I don't knock on any doors. So I don't know if Miss Credit Union was her, only because I didn't push up on her. Had I hit on her, then SHE prolly would have been the 'New' in the Ms. New What's Happenin'.


Sometimes, there are some things that are unavoidable. You deal with them as best you can. Football teams that run the 'Cover Two' defense, have to play 'assignment football', which means just that. Even if an offensive player runs near your area, make sure you have covered YOUR AREA. Trust in your buddy to make the play.

The Detroit Red Wings have 'conceptual continuity' down so pat, that they need to along with the Pittsburgh Steelers, apply for a trademark. I know that Donna at D's Designs may think they just out bid people, but there are reasons players WANT to play here.

A big part of it is the committment to winning that runs up and down the organization. So when you have a good concept, the way you push it into excellence is by sticking to it, and not getting off message at the first sign of difficulty. That is why even when it may seem to be a hint of deviation from my tack, I always reiterate how I think that moving to Nebraska is still the best idea for me. Period.

The wisdom to know the differcence. Don't tell me that you have heard it, tell me that you APPLY it. That is another big thing as I make my 'new normal'. Don't have to reinvent the wheel or anything. If all I did was do what I know, not develop or grow anymore, I think that should be enough to achieve a great deal. That I am ignorant enough to think that I can actually try and DO SOMETHING as banged around as I am, almost insures my success, dontcha know?

Women can vote.
Homosexuals can marry.
A Black man can be president.
Mark can write a best selling, made into a Oscar film, book!

Or teach. Or be a pillar in his neighborhood. Be a great husband, friend or what ever it is I can imagine. Ain't it cool, thinking like this?

So yeah, I wonder about why Joe won't deal with that his girl is moving on. Don't want someone who doesn't want you. That is SOOO female, that it is cliche. I don't care how bad YOU want her. Or him. Or whoever it is that is in and near your life that you adore, and they completely freakin' ignore you.

They can't take a joke? f*ck 'em, I say.(no, for real. THAT'S what I would tell 'em!)


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

I used to have a button in my jeep that said "F*ck Them If They Cannot Take a Joke". That is the way I roll :o)

Scope Control is key!

Beth said...

I hate to see you close yourself off to opportunity...sometimes life sneaks up on us, and we might have to change course in mid-stride!

I was making dinner when Ken was reading blogs, and as soon as I heard your video start, I said, "Oh hey, the Doors." Then I said, "Wait--I bet that's the Fatboy Slim song." :) I was right! Hugs, Beth

a corgi said...

I agree with what Beth said about closing yourself off to an opportunity, but then again, you also know where you are at, at this point in your life Mark, and what your plans/goals are so you do know what is best.

and of course you can be anything you strive to be; the sky really truly is the limit here (and even that is reachable by a space shuttle, LOL). So many opportunities are out there for those who continue to work at achieving their goals