FINDING A CONTEXT FOR THINGS
It has always been important to me. When I can do that, then I can figure out what I may need to do, to achieve the possible result that I desire. Reading journals helps me to do that, the same way that reading books helps a writer to improve his work.
I also try to listen to the comments. In fact, I have gathered a few gems, and I plan on making an entry about some of the things folks have said to me here. When Ken left the comment about 'scope control', I wondered why I wasn't familiar with it. I like it, and that is what was going on the other day. I kept asking myself what was the most important factor, and which was the best way to go about accomplishing my task?
As I threw out the stuff that was extraneous, I realized that I was doing 'scope control', which asks the same thing that the Cover Two defense asks of the defensive tackle. Control the gaps. That is a big thing, in being able to communicate with people, finding the right context to send a message.
One of the reasons that not hitting on that lady at the credit union was the right thing to do, is I don't want to stay in town any more than I have to. This is not to say that I expect to find anything better, only that this isn't the place for me. Factor in my apathy for the whole 'ex List' thing (that show did die a quick and painless death, didn't it? ), and the lack of control over things here, I may as well find a place where I can ride my bike and go to the library in peace and quiet.
I'd like to get a little place and decorate it with things found in thrift stores and resale shops. I want to ride around neighborhood garage sales and watch youth league football games. Maybe I could do that here, but the landing strip for common conversation here is thin, at least it is for me.
'Scope Control' is why I didn't, haven't, and likely won't let Jenny's re-appearance mean that I need to run off and hassle with Tee Jay. Right now, these two months are the line of demarcation that marks MY point of no return. July 1st, I will start thinking of going 'somewhere'. Getting specific and more detailed will come soon enough. Being able to say that for now is enough.
For me, the answer was that I'd go first.
Getting a hair cut, I came in on a conversation that would tail off into other subjects, but it was about relationships. Why black women can't be more supportive of their men ... why aren't black men more like MEN, and stand up and becoming responsible citizens.
You had different reasons as to what was at the root of the problem and how to progress from where things are now. Why CAN'T black women support black men? I think that it is a fair argument, because three times I could make the case for a sister bailing on a brother and letting him down.
But I could also make the case for a brother getting in the wind three times, and not facing up to the situation he played a major part in creating. Which side of the argument I am on?
THE CHOICE IS YOURS
You could say that everything I know about being a black man, I've gleaned from Black Sheep!!
I made the decision to pursue a different course from Lexxie and Pecan Sandie, I knew expressly what that meant. I know what I was doing, and I made my choice. Could I have made a better choice? *pause*
So you can make whatever case you want from that.
When me & my ex were man & wife, people would tell her that her husband was going to be rich and famous. All she would have had to do is smile for the cameras, and look good in Las Vegas when they did the ringside camera pan for her.
But she didn't share in that vision. We may have gotten married too soon, but I have always thought that girls had the stereotype in mind to be a doting wife ... but the sassy but strong, stable and loving Florida Louise Jefferson Evans caricature was not in her mind as being MY WIFE (she may be that for someone else).
Prime, early and good years of MINE was given to trying to make 'us' work. She was for me, a high pressure dream crusher.
Now, you make what you can from that. But when I decided to catch myself, I knew for sure what I was pushing away from as I swam to the surface. What did I expect to find? I did know what I expect to DO.
SEE THE THREE ... BE THE THREE
I decided to be the person that I wanted to find. Using Glen Rice's basketball career (or I could have used Pam's volleyball career ... that was a funny scene in 'The Office' season finale!!), as a model, I thought I had to find another way to reach my goal in a relationship.
Since I wanted to be with a special person, I like to think that I can be a special person for someone. The 'usual supects' in crap relationships shouldn't happen with me, and if they do, it won't be on my end.
It is disappointing to think that Tee Jay is back with the same crap choosing for men. She is fishing from the same spot where I found her at the first time. To me, that says a lot about her development as a person, and continues to build my reluctance to want to go after her.
Sister girls, would rather stay the way they are, because it is the black man that is the weakest link. Okay, you got me there. Maybe we are. Yet, if sisters' understood why it is that in space, no one can hear you scream, then there would not be so many frayed relationships still.
NEXT ISSUE: And now you know why I don't have a ghetto pass!