RULES TO LIVE BY

AND HERE WE ARE

'Survived' is too strong a word for getting by yesterday without hasslin' anyone. The Skimmie was feeling under the weather, and there was weather, so I wouldn't have wanted her driving in it anyway.

The band Cheap Trick made a big splash with their song, 'Dream Police' ... no, I am kidding! Their mega huge song was 'I Want You To Want Me'. Fairly simple song, not that complicated. In fact, love, life, and the whole ball of wax isn't that difficult.

I make the point that I understand that Nebraska and I will be good friends. The song says it all, pretty much. "I want you to want me ... I need you to need me ...".

Here comes the "but". That is not open for discussion. If you don't, then NO MATTER what I am feeling, makes things rather easy for me. "Unrequited" isn't really unrequited for me. I mean, using today's focus point for an example, Tee Jay, I can still have the strong feelings for her and be sincere, because who knows the limits of the capacity of the heart? But it lies locked behind a door, and it takes her 'wanting ME', not just a 'wanting' to open it.

She may want someone, and that is fine. Except I am not just 'someone', and she knows me. Because I can't call what it is, doesn't mean I don't know it is there. Something about women and their 'processing' as they get older ... am I willing to say that the gap in maturity when men and women are adolescence are smaller, maybe even reversed in relationships?

Anywho ...

THE GENERAL MEASURES

Might have to ask a woman 'why' they hang on to bad apples. There ISN'T anything you can do with a bad apple, and whatever it is you can do, who really wants that?

"We must therefore, be confident in the general measures we have adopted will produce the results that we expect." I can understand being mistaken about a self-assessment. I can't understand not having one. You don't have to be deep or introspective to ask yourself the Adm. Stockdale "... who am I ... why am I here", thing.

You only have to move three degrees beyond yourself to find out some answers. Ask yourself, look at your immediate environment, then take it out 'on the road', in a unfamiliar place with familiar markers. Then take in the feedback. Honestly review what you have and look at what should be a 'new' reflection.

Or not. Some of the same questions that I feel a lot of women ask about 'why' when it comes to relationships, indicate a lack of being honest with themselves (uh, remember ladies ... I AM A MAN ... not that I am bashing, but hey, I am only saying what I see!). I have not forgotten what one smarty pants Shelia told me ... "Mark, it is a matter of 'supply and demand' ... what you 'supply' simply isn't in 'demand'! ".

That was fair to say ... but it it made me wonder what did I bring to a potential partnership with some who is 'attractive'? Could I make myself more desirable? And how would I market myself? Taking inventory of myself, discovering what I thought I 'had' to put out for the marketplace, and the kind of 'customer' I wanted to attract, I found myself being able to find my niche, so to speak.

This is not to say it wasn't flawed. My ex wife, is the 'what?!?' in my life. Many of us have someone that you can't really explain their presence in your life. I happened to marry mine. Even with that, I look back and say, "Damn, you must have been a great salesman, Mark!!"

I digress. The thing is, I believe I know who I am, and that is why I try to make sure that I am filled with the "great audacity and stregnth of will ..." that will allow me to overcome the very real obstacles that will appear in my path. And I believe that we live with an 'inertia dynamic', that once we begin to act in our lives, will go in a specific direction unless you have done something to act on your life.

Sometimes, the 'act' will alter your path for the good ... other times, you may go in a 'less than good' direction. I know I have found myself thinking I was going towards one thing, and ended up being far, far away from where I intended to go.

THE SHADOWS OF UNCERTAINTY

That is what the 'darkhorses' are all about. In my mind, I began this project with three ideas. 1) To find my life partner, 2) To seek my 'new life' in Nebraska, and 3) To see of Tee Jay and I could make 'our life' together.

As long as I am still in Detroit, Tee Jay will be 'in play'. Our relationship is an unresolved question, but one that I can live without having conclusively answered. The 'motivation' to find out anything is not now, or ever been strong enough for me to not want what I want. What that is, is on a 'dna level' and can only tell you why she has remained in the lead pack, always a solid but definite 'third'. But beyond that ...

... is the 'things I know that I don't know'. And I don't know a lot of things!!